Sometimes you just want to be left alone. Michael Phelps reportedly tried to pay to make pictures of his bong hits go away; John Mayer wants a lower profile than Jennifer Aniston offers.

• Martha Stewart is so distraught over the death of her chow chow and her break-up with Charles Simonyi that she's been adopting cats left and right (and throwing them parties, too). Or at least that's what the National Enquirer says. [NE]
• Brooke Shields says the Lipstick Jungle stage manager who stole props from the set swiped cash from her wallet, too. [NYDN]
• Amy Winehouse's house in London was robbed yesterday. [People, The Sun]
• Kimora Lee Simmons and Russell Simmons have finalized their divorce. Good thing, too, since she's pregnant with Djimon Hounsou's baby. [Us]
• Kanye West employs a resident "shoekeeper" to keep track of his 450 pairs of shoes, which is what you'd do, too, if you were Kanye West. [The Sun]

• Is Jennifer Aniston planning to steal the spotlight away from Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie at the Oscars by showing up to the ceremony with John Mayer and with a ring on her finger? Maybe! [Star]
• Alex Rodriguez either spent last weekend hanging out with Madonna at Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld's East Hampton mansion, or he spent it partying with Bill Clinton and Spike Lee in the Bahamas, depending on what you read. [P6, NYDN]
• Lindsay Lohan's rep says LiLo can't be anorexic since she "ate two full meals" during a recent photo shoot. It's settled! [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says 800 people have already joined her daughter's Tribeca gym, which hasn't even been finished yet. [NYDN]

• Why didn't Anderson Cooper and the "attractive Hispanic man" he flew to DC with sit next to each other on the flight? [Page Six, previously]
• Paul McCartney and girlfriend Nancy Shevell may be getting ready to marry now that Nancy's divorce has been finalized and Paul has gotten approval from daughter Stella. [NYP, NYDN]
• Someone hacked into Kanye West's MySpace and Gmail accounts. [P6]
• Prince Harry and girlfriend Chelsy Davy have split up. [People, Daily Mail]
• Execs from Amy Winehouse's record label have flown to St. Lucia to "drive some common sense" into her. Good luck! [The Sun]

• Lizzie Grubman gave birth to another son yesterday. Little Jack arrived ahead of schedule, though, which must be wreaking havoc on Lizzie's weekend plans. [P6]
• Larry King lost "more than $1 million" to Bernie Madoff. And some sources say Madoff is now contending with some "serious" health issues. [P6]
• Tom Cruise is undergoing an image makeover so he can win back female fans. This will reportedly prohibit him from wearing sunglasses on the red carpet, getting grabby with Katie Holmes, or lecturing TV hosts on psychiatric medications. [Star]

I know you were worried she'd leave, but it looks as though Katie Holmes might be staying here in New York for good. And she's keeping Tom with her.

• Bad news: Magazine ad pages were down 11% in 2008 and 17% in the fourth quarter. Good news: They now take up less room in your bag. [AdAge]
• New York magazine is cutting editors' salaries. [ATD]
• Both OK! and the Star are laying off staff. [Jossip]
• Obama is expected to tap Julius Genachowski as FCC chair. [B&C]
• MSNBC plans to broadcast the inauguration at Starbucks locations. [NYT]
• Literary agent David Vigliano has filed suit against Lenny Dykstra. [NYP]
• John Mayer is taping a new pilot for CBS. [People]
• American Idol's debut roped in more than 30 million viewers last night, but that's down 10 percent compared to last year's premiere. [Reuters]

• Jeremy Piven's latest conquest? A 23-year-old model/bottle waitress at Mansion named Ashley Chontos, who was the first to respond to Piven's late-night text appeal ("Come to my room—whoever responds first gets me for the night") and who, you'll be happy to hear, is standing by her man, even though he's in Bangkok so he can "recover" from "mercury poisoning." [NYDN]
• Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are supposedly divorcing in a few weeks, or at least that's what the Daily News says. For the time being, though, they seem to be enjoying themselves in Puerto Rico. [E!]
• Mia Farrow's daughter's death may have been been AIDS-related. [NYP]
• Mariah Carey is supposedly in talks to make a Broadway musical about her life and hopes Leona Lewis, Vanessa Hudgens, or Eva Longoria will take on the lead role. [Telegraph]

• People won the bidding war for photos of Bristol Palin's baby, Tripp, and could be paying as much as $300,000 as part of the deal. [MSNBC]
• Mia Farrow's adopted daughter Lark died on Christmas Day. [NYDN]
• Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer spent Christmas on separate coasts, which obviously means their relationship is on the rocks. [Daily Mail]
• According to the always-reliable National Enquirer, Regis Philbin is refusing to help out his son Daniel financially, even though he's a double amputee and ekes out a living selling crafts. [NE]
• Disgraced billionaire Henry Samueli is dumping his jet to raise cash. [P6]
• The economic meltdown doesn't seem to be affecting the champagne-swilling partygoers on St. Barts this season, you'll be relieved to hear. [P6]

Hugh Jackman carrying daughter Ava across the street ... Katie Lee Joel leaving Pastis in the back of an SUV ... Steven Spielberg and Kate Capshaw buying pretzels on the corner of East 61st Street ... Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer leaving the Olive Tree Cafe on MacDougal Street ... Lauren Conrad leaving Butter with Holly Montag ... Leona Lewis filming her new music video in Brooklyn ... Katie Holmes and Suri shopping at J. Crew ... and Audrina Patridge catching a flight back to LA at JFK.

• Nobody makes Harvey Weinstein wait and that apparently includes Penelope Cruz, who faced his wrath in London last week when she showed up late to a screening of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, then went up to her suite to change outfits, causing Harvey to scream, "Tell her to get her f***ing ass here right now!" [Mirror]
• So much for A-Rod. Madonna has reportedly turned her attention to a male model named Jesus, who she met in Brazil and who's now on tour with her. Less importantly, Guy Ritchie may be dating Brit heiress Jemima Khan. [P6, The Sun, People]
• Courtney Love says she's stopped taking her antidepressant medication so she can "feel the rage" when she records her new album. That sounds healthy! [Daily Express]

Julia Stiles walking in the snow ... Cameron Diaz and Paul Sculfor shopping in SoHo ... Naomi Campbell walking to lunch in Midtown ... Natalie Portman filming scenes for her new movie downtown ... Katie Holmes and Suri visiting a pre-school ... Dustin Hoffman crossing the street ... Liam Neeson walking in Central Park ... Jessica Szohr carrying presents in Midtown ... Richard Chamberlain leaving the Trump International hotel ... Renee Zellweger leaving a building with a coffee cup in a hand ... and John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston going to dinner at La Esquina, around the same time Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos turned up, too.

Poor Jennifer Aniston! In New York right now it is far too cold to go nude outside, which left the actress few options to promote her film Marley & Me last night.

[Actress Jennifer Aniston, who is lonely and miserable all the time, with her boyfriend, crooner and certified lovemaker John Mayer, in Soho last night; image via INF]

Keri Russell shopping for home furnishings in the East Village ... Peter Dinklage walking downtown... Michelle Williams crossing a Midtown parking lot, coffee cup in hand ... John Mayer arriving at JFK ... Sean Lennon walking in the East Village ... Gretchen Mol playing with her son on the set of her new movie in the East Village ... Pete Wentz heading into an appearance at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square ... Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, and Suri leaving dinner at P.J. Clarke's on West 63rd Street ... and Ashley Olsen walking downtown in sneakers.

• Tina Fey agreed to be Lorne Michaels' awkward circus monkey at gathering of Albany lawmakers discussing TV production tax credits. "She seemed incredibly uncomfortable... Someone said, ‘Do a Sarah Palin!' and she did a Sarah Palin." Cringe. [NYM]

Popular Defamer subject John Mayer spoke up on his own blog yesterday with a bit of advice for all the epidemically abusive gossips out there: If you must insult him, learn from the best.

• Tommy Hilfiger and Dee Ocleppo may have cancelled their first wedding at the last minute back in August, but it looks like the second time is the charm: The couple is reportedly getting hitched later today in a "top-secret, ultra-private" ceremony at his house in Greenwich. [NYP]
• Kanye West is supposedly thinking of moving to London next year to pursue his fashion career. [Mirror]
• Graydon Carter says he personally handles seating arrangements at the Waverly Inn. Oh, and his "three buzz words" for 2009 are "sophisticated, innovative and entitlement." [P6]
• Tragic news: Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony just spent their first weekend apart since the birth of their twins. [Us]

As all of America has no doubt been made aware of during her press tour for Marley & Me, Jennifer Aniston hates talking about Brad Pitt.

Would you pay $25,000 and up to be stuck on a boat with John Mayer? He sure hopes so! [ebay, via Enq]