• DJ AM's overdose on Friday appears to have been accidental, according to law enforcement sources who spoke with TMZ. It seems the celeb DJ, who claimed he'd been sober for 11 years, only started using drugs again after he was prescribed anti-anxiety and pain meds following his plane crash last year. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Those rumors that Chelsea Clinton plans to marry boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky in Martha's Vineyard this summer are heating up again. A large tent and stage have been set up in the area, although no one's sure if it's for the Clinton wedding. [P6]
• Joan Rivers says Libyan leader Moammar Khadafy was thinking about renting her Fifth Avenue apartment for $200K a week, but recently changed his mind. The upshot? Rivers won't have to worry about the dictator "roasting cows in her living room." [P6]

Old guys: Jon Gosselin's still around, Paul McCartney still has lady problems. Brody Jenner, Joe Francis: small penises. Pattinson, Stewart, and the sacred word. Fire Island, the East Village, Africa: we are the world. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Joe Francis fought with Brody Jenner and his girlfriend. Kristen Stewart's naked, lacks confidence, blows Robert Pattinson...away. Jason Biggs + Monkey = Comedy. Lily Allen is scary, Jessie Spano needs advice, Oasis broke up. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup.

Jon Gosselin's pissed Kate Major's lying about them being together. Another parent peddles her kids for money when really, she should be a Spider Man villain. Lindsay Lohan gives me Gwyneth's GOOPy runs. Happy Saturday Morning, here we go:

MSNBC's Rachel Maddow is turning 36 today. A man Maddow probably isn't very fond of, Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, is turning 59. Movie director Barry Sonnenfeld is 56. Actress/scenester Bijou Phillips is turning 29. Debbie Reynolds is 77. Actress Ali MacGraw is 71. Method Man is 38. And everyone's favorite sleazy porn king, Mr. Joe Francis, will get to celebrate his 36th birthday on of prison this year.

• It was clear that Michael Wolff was a bad husband and a bad boss. But now it looks like he's a lousy son, too. Wolff is being sued by his poor 85-year-old mother-in-law for trying to evict her from her one-bedroom apartment so he could sell it and collect a profit. [P6]
• Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday and was charged with assault and making criminal threats. He faces four years in state prison if convicted. [NYP, Us]
• Marc Anthony touched the leg of a woman other than JLo, which means he was either "flirting with danger" or just being nice to a "longtime friend." [Star]
• Just another typical Friday: Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault for punching a fan last year. [Reuters]

• It's still unclear what set off Chris Brown and Rihanna's fight on Sunday night (and both have been tucked away in hiding since it occurred). Could it have had something to do with Leona Lewis? Paris Hilton? Was a sexually transmitted disease involved? One person Brown might want to consider explaining himself to is Jay-Z, who reportedly "hit the roof" when he found out about the attack and is now telling friends that Chris is a "walking dead man." [Star, OK!, Gawker, NYP]
• Mickey Rourke and Courtney Love have been secretly dating for the past three weeks. Sounds like a perfect match. [Telegraph]
• Prince Harry is in trouble for making racially-insensitive comments. [Sun]

There are some things in life that we'll never get tired of. The incarceration of flashcore titsploitation entrepreneur Joe Francis is one of those things. Break out the body shots!

• Olivia Palermo and Whitney Port are "horrified" that MTV producers have been pressuring them to get into a physical fight at "work" for an upcoming episode on The City and they've even threatened to walk off the set if they're forced to participate. How principled! [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan "stomped around" and "caused chaos" after finding out she'd have to sit in economy on a flight home from Tampa on Saturday. (She also told a friend to "come and visit me back there in case I die.") Horrified flight attendants eventually found her a seat up front. [Fox News]
• Things seem to be heating up between Madonna and Jesus Luz. Also, she took the model to brunch at Macelleria on Sunday, so you know. [DM, NYDN]
• It looks like Julie Janklow's new paramour is none other than surfer Scott Murphy, who split with Marci Klein back in December. [P6, previously]

Sometimes you just want to be left alone. Michael Phelps reportedly tried to pay to make pictures of his bong hits go away; John Mayer wants a lower profile than Jennifer Aniston offers.

Update time! Remember the ambitious Milwaukee lawyers who weirdly namechecked slammer-bound clients Wesley Snipes and Joe Francis en route to swanky new Malibu digs? Yeah — that didn't turn out so well.

Tom Cruise is trying to get inside the female mind; Joe Francis slipped into women's underwear and Mike Tyson is, once again, overwhelmed with lady attention.

• Lizzie Grubman gave birth to another son yesterday. Little Jack arrived ahead of schedule, though, which must be wreaking havoc on Lizzie's weekend plans. [P6]
• Larry King lost "more than $1 million" to Bernie Madoff. And some sources say Madoff is now contending with some "serious" health issues. [P6]
• Tom Cruise is undergoing an image makeover so he can win back female fans. This will reportedly prohibit him from wearing sunglasses on the red carpet, getting grabby with Katie Holmes, or lecturing TV hosts on psychiatric medications. [Star]

Worst Publicist in the World™ Jonathan Jaxson sent us this photo of Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kim Zolciak, who "spent a weekend of intimacy with [fellow irredeemable sleazebag] Joe Francis while at Sundance."

Here we were thinking that the nation's porn industry was recession-proof. Guess not! According to TMZ, Joe Francis and Larry Flynt are now seeking a $5 billion bailout for the adult entertainment industry since X-rated DVD sales are down 22 percent from a year ago. "Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation's most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration," Francis explained, adding that he plans to head to Capitol Hill to make his appeal in person. Get ready for record ratings, C-SPAN! [TMZ]

Got a paper towel handy? You may need to clean your monitor after watching this much buzzed-about clip of Joe Francis on Tyra yesterday, in which the slimy, Girls Gone Wild conspiracy peddler talks about Lindsay Lohan ("She's not gay!") and her girlfriend, "Samantha Rosnan" (close!). "You dated Lindsay?" Tyra begins, as an evasive Francis wonders whether ten margaritas and two successful exhortations of "Show me that firecrotch!" in Cabo can necessarily be defined as "dating." Then, talk turns to Lohan's sapphic inclinations.It's here that Francis unloads, implying that Lindsay is the equivalent of a "lesbian until graduation" and stating that, uh, Rosnan is a "wretched woman...taking [Lindsay] down a path that's just wrong for her." Thank God, America, that we have fine, upstanding men like Francis who are so concerned about our young ladies going down the wrong path. Be there for her, Joe. Be a shoulder to cry on, an ear for her worries, and a positive influence who can help lead Lindsay out of the woods with a 12:30 am carton of pralines and cream and a tender, heartfelt message: "Those tits look great in that shirt, but I bet they'd look even better out of it..."

• Shiksa Ivanka Trump and Observer-owning Jewish beau Jared Kushner have the rabbi for her conversion all picked out. It was important to both of them that he hate the Times. [P6]

♦ Angelina Jolie is either "burning up with jealousy" over Brad Pitt's flirtatious relationship with co-star Diane Kruger, or she's completely happy and getting ready for her next adoption in the next few weeks, depending on which tabloid you pick up. [Star, OK!]
♦ Elisabeth Hasselbeck gets more death threats than any other host on the View, news that probably won't surprise you. [P6]
♦ Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer spent last weekend at a romantic spa in Arizona. [Star]
♦ Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen appeared at a book signing yesterday, but they did not permit fans to talk to them. [P6]
♦ Page Six follows up on the news from three weeks ago and reports Ivanka Trump is converting to Judaism for Jared Kushner. She's attending synagogue regularly, too. [P6]

We've heard of (and often tried) a lot of ways to ladder-climb in Hollywood, but "superstar tax-evasion defense attorney" is one we had pretty far down our list, just above "blogger." Still, that's not stopping Robert Bernhoft and Robert Barnes (or simply "the Bobs," as Portfolio refers to them in its November issue) from parlaying their momentum from last spring's Wesley Snipes trial into a kind of Malibu-based, Uncle Sam-swatting empire. "Wait," you ask, "didn't Wesley Snipes get three years in prison for misdemeanor tax evasion?" True, but these pinstriped paragons of justice have their own brazen, slightly lawyerly way of looking at it.After all, they argue, Snipes dropped the Bobs after they urged a "good-faith" offer to defray his tax debt on three misdemeanor charges — unprecedentedly dropped from the original six counts for his nonpayment from 1999 to 2005. The actor's rejection of the deal (at least until he showed up with $5 million in personal checks on the day of his sentencing) set the attorneys up to have their historic cake and eat it, too. And to hear Bernhoft and Barnes tell it, it's a delicious cake; if only there were government-stiffing action stars in their native Milwaukee to share it with. Next stop: Malibu, where they've already roped in Girls Gone Wild kingpin Joe Francis, who faces 10 years in prison if convicted next spring of felony tax evasion. And from there? The gutter is apparently the limit:

So, this was touched on in yesterday's gossip roundup and again today but I don't think we've quite managed to capture the gravity of the situation: Samantha Ronson wipes herself with the cardboard roll when she runs out of toilet paper and Michael Lohan is possessed by Satan or Scientologists. Now, full disclosure, I have long harbored a personal weakness for Samantha Ronson, who has an awkward paparazzi face and blogs in complete sentences because she was born during the Carter Administration and is also the only celebrity I endorse in white jeans. But I was also counterintuitively fond of Michael Lohan, until he used this nasty little piece of information to ahem smear his daughter's DJ girlfriend in the F-list tabloid press. "Have you ever seen her apartment?" he demanded — I guess not rhetorically? — of someone at the paparazzi agency X17. "For God's sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this first hand)."*It gets worse.