There's nothing like a flea market to bring out the religious sectarianism in people. Last night, the Queen of All Saints Church in Fort Greene held a meeting — the third of its kind — to discuss how the Brooklyn Flea was destroying the community. Racked's Paul Caine was there (he wasn't supposed to be; see picture) and reports that the issues before the house included the pile-up of garbage, parking and bathroom headaches, and the strange fact that Jews never seem to get inconvenienced on their days of rest. Kathleen Walsh, one church parishioner said: "Sunday is a very special day for us, [and] we look forward to that day. It is a day that has been impeded on by the commercialism and hubbub of the flea... I muse aloud, would such an entity be allowed across from a synagogue?" And then they came for the antiquers, and I did not speak because I wasn't an antiquer. More seething Bronze Age hatred couched in Brooklyn gentrification worries after the jump:

Among the more engaging features of Cityfile, the new directory of notables from media and business, are the lists. Obsessives can browse through New York celebrities who own Yorkies, for instance. (Taavo Somer of Freemans and dowager-gossip Cindy Adams: you have so much in common!) But the lists will be most useful for conspiracy theorists. Have you ever suspected a cabal-of Jews and gays, Jewish gays, Iranian Jewish gays and Radar's Maer Roshan-is determined to remake America in their image? You're right! While acknowledged members of these minorities represent only 4% of the wider population (see below), they make up more than 30% of Cityfile's who's who of 2,100 New Yorkers.

The New York Times, ever ranged against the perpetuation of conspiracy theories, hosted a fascinating symposium in May called "Jews and Power." If this is how the Sulzberger clan distances itself against nasty but enduring rumors, then Times, Inc. stockholders might consider now a good time to sell. Bad PR! The event — sort of like the New Yorker Festival, except way more open about who's in charge — borrowed its provocative title from Ruth Wisse's well-regarded intellectual history of the subject, published by Shocken Books a year ago as part of its series of volumes dealing with explicitly Jewish themes. (Also not to be missed: David Mamet on why anti-Semites are limp-dicked liberals who can't close). Some of the conversational pairings were rather inspired: Shalom Auslander, the smashmouth Spinoza of upstate New York, kibitzed with Rebecca Goldstein, author of Betraying Spinoza: The Renegade Jew Who Gave Us Modernity, on what it's like to give up Orthodoxy and any chance of not being hounded to an early grave by your parents. Also, Washington Post journalist Warren Bass, reconstructed lefty Paul Berman, and Mideast analyst Aaron David Miller partake in this fruitful discussion:

As we told you earlier, Jewish people love buying books and eating Chinese food. They are also voracious consumers of web media: we'd even go as far to say that Jews run the Internet! We've rounded up the Jewiest websites. Click for our list. (A user's guide: if a website's index is 200, that means it has twice as many Jewish readers as would be expected from their percentage of the web population.) For example, Zagat, at 651, has users six times more likely to be Jewish than visitors to the average site.

You might have already known that Jews love Chinese food, especially on Christmas. But did you know that "Jews as a group buy 23 percent of all hardcover books printed"? That's according to according to Stuart M. Matlins, EIC and publisher at Jewish Lights and Skylight Paths books. Jennifer 8. Lee, NYT reporter and author of Chinese food book The Fortune Cookie Chronicles, subjected herself to an "audition" to have her book included in the Jewish Book Network. In fact, she changed the number of chapters in her book from 19 to 18 (a significant number meaning "life") simply to appeal to the chosen tribe! So a Chinese-American author walks into a room of 200 Jews at the Book Expo...

Come for the illustration featuring Jesus locked in fisticuffs with a Jewish studio mogul, but stay a while at Heeb Magazine for Eric Kohn's nifty survey of how Mel Gibson ruined it for the rest of the Christians trying to get a leg up in Hollywood. Well, kind of: It turns out all the conspiracy theories in the world can't explain why, after The Passion grossed $600 million worldwide in 2004, our friends in Christ haven't been able to break through with another global hit for the faithful. Is it the Jews? Is it the MPAA? Or is it just, as one infamous anecdote alludes, that some of these guys make pouty Edward Norton look positively docile in comparison?

If you're wondering what the Beckhams are doing in Los Angeles, land of Jack Warner and Louis B. Mayer, the corner of Fairfax and Beverly, and Nate'n Als, one need look only as far as David's left forearm, where in Hebraic calligraphy reads a Talmudic proverb that translates roughly to, "He who is tethered to the most majah goat in the village, partakes of the tastiest cream cheese after Shabbat services." As it turns out, the tattoo wasn't just the regrettable result of having imbibed too much Manischewitz after a particularly boisterous Purim party with the Ciccone-Ritchies at the Beverly Hills Kabbalah center; rather, it's a nod to the soccer star's Jewish heritage. Now, reports The Sun, the couple is hoping to get their three-year-old son Cruz into one of our city's finest pre-Yeshivas:

Abe Karpen is a Hasidic Jewish hunk who was supposed to star in New York I Love You with Natalie Portman. He had to drop out of the film after being threatened by members of his community. Due to his strict religious beliefs, Karpen refrained from holding Portman's hand during filming, but he still freaked out all of his Hasidic homies.

First Hillary wanted more debates. She felt that the America public needed to hear her and Barack Obama delineate their subtle differences as many times as possible. She even ran an attack ad on Obama (after the jump) for only wanting to have 18 debates. With the North Carolina and Pennsylvania primaries coming up, you'd think Hillary would maintain her commitment to public pontification. But you'd be wrong, because she might back out of the debate scheduled for April 19 in North Carolina—hosted by Katie Couric, which would be her first time hosting. Clinton's claim: it's the first day of Passover, and no arguing can be had during the festival of the Unleavened bread. And she's Jewish now, apparently.

Ever indulged in a little autoeroticism to images of Sarah Silverman or Natalie Portman and then wished with all your heart and soul that you might be rid of your cursed goy-tell foreskin, just so they might consider, ever so fleetingly, nailing you? Can't say that I have, per se, but the latest promo ad at Jewish hipster bible Heeb Magazine will show you the way. NSFW, if you think your boss might be uncomfortable with a WASPY 16-year-old hacking into his Gentile genitalia. Though really, what finally puts him over the edge might be more disturbing.

As far as we know, the Jews don't, generally, have an obesity problem—if anything it's too much in the other direction!—but there's a new industry that could change things. The Kosher Vending Industries company recently installed its first "Hot Nosh 24/6" vending machine at a hospital in New Jersey. For the first time, the Jews can get a hot knish on demand! Or mozzarella sticks, pizza, and onion rings! And soon, hot dogs! (What does G-d have to say about meat and milk being in the same vending machine?) Not that the food looks that appetizing! Oh, and also, if you see Beyoncé chowing down on a hot knish soon, there's a reason.

From the mailbag:

New York Times columnist David Brooks is worried. Seems that people are cherry-picking sperm in order to give their kids genetic advantages over the progeny of traditional stick-peepee-into-hooha reproducers. What's the problem? The rise of the machines!

Last weekend, Page Six reported that Michael Chabon's new alternate-reality book about Jews living in Alaska would probably spark a firestorm of criticism because of its anti-Semitic undertones. Their "information" was sourced to one Kyle Smith, who reviews movies and seems to occasionally write little articles for the Post. This week, we saw Mr. Smith's name pop up again in the weekend media—this time in the Wall Street Journal's Pursuits section, in which he reviews the new book by Fight-Club-author Chuck Palahniuk (subscription only).

The New York Post thinks so! In today's special Sunday edition of Page Six, we are told that his new novel, The Yiddish Policeman's Union, "is bound to set off a firestorm of controversy." Why? Because Chabon "depicts some of his Jewish characters as willing to do anything, including massacring other Jews, in the cause of Zionism."

• First quarter recap: Bad news for Tribune, NYT, Gannett. Google, however, did pretty well! [MediaPost]
  

It's so nice that Martha Kostyra Stewart let Rachel Dratch into her home—well, studio—for the Easter holiday. Especially since Rachel is a Jew and seems totally weirded out by the Polish Easter meal that Martha is preparing. It's like, you can almost hear her thinking, "Didn't your grandfather kill my grandfather in that forest outside of Krakow?" Or something like that! Anyway, we've put together some of the highlights from this morning's broadcast. Do enjoy, and Happy Easter.

Remember when Randy Cohen, the Times Magazine's morally-minded advice columnist, revealed a lady's name when he wasn't supposed to? Well, we're not about to say he's done it again in his latest piece, but the ghost of last week's gaffe is unmistakably present this weekend as Cohen appears to take shocking pleasure in publicly exposing the unethical behavior of someone who has sought his counsel. This week's target is Paul Kramer, a reformed Jew from Montclair, N. J. who serves as the production director at Glamour (hate to say we told you so). After the jump, we examine Krame's crime in light of last week's controversy, and catch up with him on the phone while he's shopping at the supermarket.

Stashwax has beef with Saturday Night Live (well, more than the rest of us do, anyway.) They've served the venerable comedy show with a cease and desist order, saying that Lorne Michaels et al ripped off the concept of their video in which antisemitic dialogue was overdubbed onto a recut Braveheart trailer; the SNL sketch employed a similar tactic, but with footage from Apocalypto. We watched both and, while similarities exist, they strike us as more of the "Mel Gibson and the word "sugartits" are inextricably linked now, and no one has the patent on associating Jews with bagels" variety, not the "actionable" variety. But we'll let you be the judge — it's what you're best at. Both clips are after the jump.

We can empathize with anyone being made to sit through a shitstorm of racial comments in the workplace, but sometimes it's a little much, even for us. Maybe Russians are "bad drinkers," and most Hispanics will, in fact, steal your car, but professionals shouldn't have to listen to crap like this in the haughty environs of Bear Stearns.