Holy ghost of Alan Freed! There's payola in them thar radio stations.

Following a not-at-all-near-death experience with an overzealous paparazzi at a Beverly Hills stoplight (the loud, scary noise that brakes emit when an automobile stops short was involved), Jennifer Lopez briefly got the writing bug:

· Katie Couric, who will be hosting "The Tonight Show" on May 12, has been making impossible demands on the staff and was angry when her choice of guestsBen and J-Lo together and/or the entire cast of Friendsdeclined to do the show. [Page Six]
· Sightings: "David Gest getting peevish at a P.J. Clarke's waiter who balked when Gest ordered a salad for Liza Minnelli that wasn't on the menu." [Page Six]
· "THE London-based Cinnamon Club, maybe the world's most expensive Indian restaurant, is planning to open a branch in Manhattan. Sources tell The Post's Braden Keil that reps for the elegant eaterydubbed Posh Spice by Brit criticsare searching for a location to show off its costly curries, calfskin menus and back-lit urinals." [Page Six]
· Barry Diller on Fox programming when he was in charge: ""You can't have a more genuinely pure, liberal program...than 'The Simpsons.'" [NY Daily News]

The BBC's J-Lo documentary, "Behind the Behind," airs tonight. "It reveals how she really grew up in a posh New York suburb and went to private school." Also: E! "True Hollywood Stories" is airing a special about the Hilton sisters on Sunday at 9PM.
Behind the behind [BBC]
Up next: the Hilton sisters [EOnline]

· The producer and director of Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's upcoming movie, Tough Love got into a shouting match blaming each other after test audiences didn't like it, in an apparent refusal to believe that the movie just plain sucked. Affleck broke them up. [Page Six]
· Hipster celeb fight: Page Six reports that "Sean Lennon came to blows with Brain McPeckthe lead singer of Paul Sevigny's band A.R.E. WeaponsSaturday at Swa. 'Sean walked by and knocked Brain's hat off,' said a witness. An infuriated McPeck called Lennon a 'faggot.' And then fists flew." [Page Six]
· The NY Daily News has padlocked their old smoking room. [Page Six]
· MTV President Van Toffler insists that the network isn't censoring anti-war videos. [Page Six]
· Jack Nicholson: "I don't believe in cosmetic surgery and I have no plugs or tucks. I look at that as mutilation." [Cindy Adams]
· Jogging in France: "Anyone who does anything in Paris that smells of Yankeelike, for instance, joggingis expected to wear a shirt with a logo that's anti-US or anti-Bush or anti-war or anti anything that's anti-Franceor you get cursed upon and/or spat upon." [Cindy Adams]
· Robert Downey Jr's former cellmate, Charles Bell, is suing, Downey, Vanity Fair, and Conde Nast for remarks Downey made about him in a Vanity Fair article two years ago indicating that he was a "recovering pimp" who "talks to satellites." [NY Daily News]

We're violating the Gawker J-Lo rule (again) because we absolutely must talk about her Oscar dress. (Serious topics for serious times.) From the Observer: "Jennifer Lopez's silk cr pe Valentino caftan ('Some say apple, some say pistachio I think the happy go-between is maybe a seafoam,' chirped the publicist) was several months in the planning. By Monday, the rumor was rapidly circulating that it was the exact same frock the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis had worn on a visit to Cambodia in 1968, giving it vague 'political' overtones and prompting one staffer at a rival housebecause if we stop being catty, the terrorists win!to comment: 'C'mon, that had to be Jackie and Lee's dress sewn together.'" Alsostylist Philip Bloch says he's had enough and "so [doesn't] want to do this anymore."
Mental Bloch [Observer]

· NY Magazine columnist Mark Malkin accused of manipulating Guatemalan presidential politics by reporting that Guatemalan President, Alfonso Portillo Cabrera, was competing against Enrique Iglesias for a $30,000 Vacheron Constantin watch. [Page Six]
· The World's Most Decadent Hamburger ($41), made from cows that are beer-fed and hand-massaged, comes to New York. [Page Six]
· Gwyneth's advice to J-Lo: "marriage should not be taken lightly." [Page Six]
· A "Sopranos" movie may be in the works. [Page Six]
· Giuliani is the keynote for the 2004 Republican convention. [Cindy Adams]
· Liz Smith discovers WhoRepresents.com. [Liz Smith]
· Martha Stewart voted "Most Annoying Person of 2002." [Celeb News]
· "Gigli" sucks. [Celeb News]
· James Woods slams Hillary; Andre Balazs spends New Year's Eve hallucinating after being attacked by a scorpion; Davis on Diller: "Those fags sure have funny ways of having fun"; and Balkan pianist Marina Arsenijevic makes her Carnegie Hall debut tomorrow. [NY Daily News]

Signs that the Observer may be creeping past its prime:
1. Coverage of the Upper East Side: 94.2% Coverage of the rest of Manhattan: 5.8%.
2. Simon Doonan.
3. A front page article on J-Lo. Yes, J-Lo.
Giant J-Lo Frenzy! [Observer]

Another breach of Gawker's no-J-Lo policy. According to Star Magazine, the one who shall not be mentioned asked Barneys to clear the floor so she could shop alone. The store refused. It's fine that she's a total diva but, unforgivably, she's not a big spender.
Barneys Turns Down J-Lo So-Lo Shopping Request [Star Magazine via Popdirt]

Japander.com has an exhaustive directory of western stars who make cheesy ads but just in Japan.

With this one brutally necessary exception, J-Lo will never be mentioned on Gawker. Ever. Why, you ask? Because J-Lo already usurps far too much of the public consciousness (see chart, right). In the last month, J-Lo has been mentioned approximately 23 times (give or take 10) in various gossip columns. That puts the ratio of J-Lo items to gossip about other people at 1:12completely unacceptable! The J-Lo ratio should never, at any time, exceed 1:78. So Jenny From The Block's getting married. It's not like she's not going to do it again next year. Is this really news? We think not.