You are a terrible person for reading this nasty story about America's sweetheart. Ashlee Simpson has a new boyfriend. Ryan Dunn drank picklebacks before he died. Steve-O recalls doing blow with LiLo while she was in rehab. Wednesday gossip is a big mistake. Big. Huge.

Crystal Harris has perfect timing—it's too late for Hugh Hefner to cancel her issue of Playboy. Aniston moves in with her boyfriend. Emma Watson dates a co-star. Cee-Lo is tired of being famous. Thursday gossip is moving on.

Jen pulls an Angelina and lands a man. Selena Gomez pulls a Lohan and pleads "exhaustion." Pregnant Tori Spelling's paparazzi car crash. Liza Minnelli's fabulous yard sale. Tuesday gossip keeps its eye on the prize.

This Hollywood lady's shaman told her to drink animal blood every day. This TV actor likes to frequent Thai brothels. And this royal couldn't stop staring at Jennifer Aniston's boobs. Looks like the shaman's spell is finally working!

Ice-T and Coco give marriage advice. Is Jennifer Aniston a boyfriend stealer? Thandie Newton names the director who took advantage of her when she was 16. Ed Westwick gets in a shoving match at a bar. Tuesday gossip is aggressive.

Reese Witherspoon gives an ad hoc seminar on safe sexting. Jennifer Aniston launches a PDA offensive with yet another male co-star. Kim Kardashian has wedding dress drama. Pippa Middleton never sweats. Monday gossip has sex tape remorse.

Blake Lively faces the hydra monster of naked scandals. Arnold Schwarzenegger is ready for divorce. Natalie Portman stands up Oprah. Ellen Barkin's live-in boyfriend is half her age. The only way to kill Thursday gossip is with fire.

Natalie Portman runs into the lady she stole her fiance from, while avoiding the lady who called her a fraud. Lady Gaga says her critics are bullies. Kim Kardashian could make millions from her wedding. Thursday gossip was born this sensitive.

As the gossip hurricane rages on, Maria Shriver stands brave and resolute with her friend Oprah. Meanwhile, the Grammers are having a custody dispute, a Tiger Woods mistress is telling stories, and Kirk Cameron is not Stephen Hawking.

Here's a trailer for Horrible Bosses, the new star-studded comedy about a trio of unhappy dudes who decide to kill their, well, horrible bosses. The cast is great (Charlie Day! Colin Farrell! Aniston!) and the concept is fun, so why does it look so... dull?

Poor sad millionairess Jennifer Aniston. The actress recently bought the Manhattan sky tomb of her saddest dreams, but couldn't quite muster the strength to be a, gulp, single independent lady and put her own name on the apartment.

Jennifer Aniston's key grip ex-boyfriend confesses he was too vanilla for her. Katy Perry's Jesus freak parents banned deviled eggs. Charlie Sheen interviews now cost $1 million. Wednesday gossip is out of touch.

Poor, miserable Jennifer Aniston will finally wed... two apartments together. The dejected and rejected actress is fleeing Los Angeles for her hometown of New York and will reportedly take up residence in two apartments in the West Village that she plans on converting into a duplex.

Yup, after all those romantic comedies and derailed thrillers (well, just one of those), Ms. TV America has decided to shuffle on back behind the camera. Also today: a beloved Agatha Christie character gets a makeover, Johnny Depp meets his younger self, and no more vampires!

Lindsay Lohan drops her last name while the other Lohans change theirs. Chris Brown's publicist leaves him. In Touch documents Jennifer Aniston's "worst date ever." It's time for TGIFriday gossip.

Charlie Sheen goes on a "private adult vacation" with a porn star, a stoner sex kitten, and his ex. Lindsay Lohan considers a plea deal requiring six months of jail time. Hugh Hefner sets a date for his wedding to a 24-year-old. Thursday gossip harshes the mellow.

It turns out Jennifer Aniston isn't completely unlovable, because living Abercrombie polo Ashton Kutcher wants to go out on a date with her. Kutcher was on the BBC this weekend talking about how he wants a date with the perpetually single Aniston to win a $1,000 bet he made with a friend in college, and he's not letting his wife, Demi Moore, get in the way either.

Jennifer Aniston bought the Beverly Hills home she calls "Ohana" (named after a Hawaiian concept of extended family) for $13.5 million back in 2006, spent some $15 million turning it into a Zen palace that feels "like a hug," put it in Architectural Digest, and is now selling it.

This morning I made fun of Jennifer Aniston because, like Skee-Ball and making brownies from a box, it is fun and easy. Someone took umbrage with my calling her unlovable and rushed to her defense. Quelle horreur!

When it comes to embracing iconic haircuts, America would rather bask in the '90s glory of The Rachel rather than the '10s wonderment of The Bieber—well, at least at the box office. Everyone says Bieber is shitty, but today he is officially number two.