This nasty little nugget dropped into the tip line. As always, we cannot assure its veracity (any item that refers to Bob Wright as "beloved" is immediately suspect in our eyes), but, you know, too good not to share. [We've provided context where appropriate]:
Lately, when we see the words "restructuring," "reorganization," and "NBC Universal Television Group president Jeff Zucker" in close proximity in the same story, we brace ourselves for a lowball estimate of how many employees are going to be run head-first through a giant Staples MailMate shredder in the name of corporate streamlining. But instead of raising the spectre of layoffs, today's LAT article on possible changes at NBC 2.0's Burbank division discusses a scenario in which Zucker would "catapult" trusty cable TV lieutenant Jeff Gaspin, a man credited with the profitable queerification of Bravo, over current Aaron Sorkin-enabling entertainment president Kevin Reilly. Such a move would seem to raise the possibility that NBC might use that same trebuchet to launch Reilly over the Hollywood Hills, as adding a layer of supervision above an embattled executive is never exactly a vote of confidence. Reports the LAT:
More on NBC's Layoffs 2.0: Corporate hatchetman Jeff Zucker says that the 700 pinkslips they're expected to hand out aren't some kind of punishment for Aaron Sorkin's inability to singlehandedly save their primetime schedule from fourth place. OK, he didn't mention Sorkin specifically, but we know what he was getting at. [Variety]
The Academy releases its list of the 61 countries that successfully submitted work for the Best Foreign Film Oscar, including first time entrant Kazakhstan—which will require its representative filmmakers to spend any acceptance speech time decrying the cultural inaccuracies contained in Borat. [THR]
Still more on Layoffs 2.0: NBC president Kevin Reilly thinks that the company's bold decision to fire a bunch of people may look "fairly drastic right now," but will seem "forward-thinking" once all of his competitors catch Downsizing Fever. [Variety]
· The Project Runway finale sets a Bravo ratings record "by a huge margin," topping the previous marks set by Runway's season premiere and a very special 2004 episode of Queer Eye in which Kian nearly came to blows with a homophobic fraternity brother who misunderstood what the makeover-specialist meant when he said, "Take off your shirt, it's time for your manscaping." [THR]
The Jim Henson company hires Ahmet Zappa to write a treatment for a Fraggle Rock feature film. We refuse to get excited until we hear that Dweezil is doing the music. [Variety]
In every outpost of the NBC Universal empire, just a little while ago anxious employees were huddled around closed-circuit broadcasts of their fearless leaders' "town hall" meeting explaining the corporation's new, streamlined, and more cost-conscious push into the digital media age enabled by the immediate, selfless sacrifice of 700 or so of their jobs. We asked one LA-based operative stationed inside the rapidly shrinking NBCU 2.0 family to briefly describe what was covered in Jeff Zucker's you're-all-firedside chat:
The media world is still awaiting NBC Universal executioner Jeff Zucker's "town hall" meeting with his employees, in which he will calmly bar the doors to the "hall," step up to the podium, and then announce that 700 or so (or 5%, for you percentage junkies) of his beloved underlings aren't getting out of their meeting alive. But once the blood is mopped from the floors and the guillotine baskets are cleared of severed heads, how does this affect you, the person who doesn't particularly care about corporate streamlining enabling a faceless multimedia conglomerate to take bold, more cost-efficient steps (cutely named NBCU 2.0) into the brave new digital world? The WSJ reports on the revised mandate given to NBC Uni's fourth-place TV division (sub. req'd.):
• Could Tom Freston replace NBC Chief Executive Bob Wright? We're hoping yes, because a) we still blame Jeff Zucker for Hidden Hills, and b) Freston-Moonves II will make Ali-Frazier II look like Tyson-McNeely. [NYP]
• There's nothing more painful than admitting that Mark Cuban is right, but, you know, Mark Cuban is right. [Reuters]
• The Post has a brand new website with spiffy features including blogs, gossip news, and a celebrity-sighting map that is a complete and total rip-off of Gawker Stalker. [NYP]
• Rachael Ray's friends as annoying, talentless as Rachael Ray. [Radar]
The Times takes a look at a new venue in which CBS plans to advertise its fall lineup: eggs. That's right, advances in laser-printing technology allow for carefully crafted messages (or, in CBS' case, bad puns) to be etched directly on to the unfertilized chicken embryos that we all enjoy for breakfast. While CBS claims that the move is simply based on a desire to make folks laugh, we've got to believe that there's some kind of deeper motivation that would make a network want to write the names of all of its successful series on a hairless, ovoid shell.
• So it really looks like De Niro and pals will buy the Observer. And Kurt Andersen — like Peter Kaplan — is just thrilled about it. [NYM]
• Michael Eisner pisses off Pat Robertson by having the rightwing preacher on his CNBC show, challenges him on gay rights, whether Jews can get into heaven, and whether it was in fact a good idea to have advocated the assassination of Hugo Chavez. For the first time perhaps ever, we're kind of liking Eisner right now. [NYP]
• NBC honcho Jeff Zucker says he's not worried about Today without Katie, or about Brian Williams competing with her. He also says he's thrilled with NBC's primetime performance, positive the stock market is going up up up, and confident that the Iraq insurgency is in its last throes. [USAT]
Shortly, NBC will be the first network to announce its fall schedule at this week's "upfront" presentations to advertisers in NY, when it is widely expected that the network will formally anoint Aaron Sorkin, creator of The West Wing and the new, highly buzzed-about drama Studio 60 On The Sunset Strip Live From A Soundstage In Los Angeles, California, as the Peacock Messiah. But don't think that the folks at NBC didn't perform their due diligence (Executive: "So, Aaron, um...yeah...how are, you know, things?" Sorkin: "I'm not making my own crack anymore." Exec: "Welcome to the NBC family.") before putting their fate in the hands of the famously troubled showrunner. Reports the WSJ:
Pondering Tom Cruise's current standing with the American moviegoer makes us sad and tired. But do you know what makes us very, very happy? That's right: a gigantic image of Les Moonves in an innertube (which copyranter so generously scanned for us from a recent issue of Broadcasting & Cable) which remind us that a fresh round of colorful, Jeff Zucker-pummeling Moonves quotes from next week's network upfronts is just around the proverbial corner. Maybe this time the CBS folks will give us the punch line to that "a priest, a rabbi and Jeff Zucker go into a bar" joke and finally end a year of crippling suspense.
• Jann Wenner finally gets his reality TV show, and Mort Zuckerman won't let the de-Radaring interfere with his ski vacation. [WWD]
• NBC's tanking. Fire Jeff Zucker? No, promote him! [NYT]
• The good, bad, and ugly of medialand in 2005. [MW]
• After 148 years in Boston, The Atlantic boards the Metroliner and sets off for Washington. [Boston Phoenix]
· NBC Universal's Jeff Zucker manages to get a promotion despite NBC's declining primetime ratings, perhaps putting him in a position to suffocate boss Bob Wright with a couch pillow should the CEO ever make the mistake of taking a nap at work.
· Just in case you missed the comments on the last hyphen post: Hey, six-legged unicorn!
· This is how we were introduced to Cute Overload, the fastest we've bookmarked a site since the day Stuff On My Cat changed our lives forever.
· Supposed never-nude Rachel McAdams becomes the latest addition to Fleshbot's Celebrity NippleWatch pantheon with this rare double-reveal.
· A ban on search engines might be the only solution to this problem.
· Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer "quietly" agree to a 5-year film production deal, locking up the producer responsible for half-a-billion dollars' worth of Pirates of the Caribbean sequels long enough to allow Bruck to oversee the eventual installments starring Paul Walker and Bruce Willis in the roles originated by Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp. To celebrate their continuing partnership, Mouse head Robert Iger and Bruckheimer will detonate Snow White's castle at the conclusion of tonight's Disneyland fireworks, then dance around any broken character bodies injured in the display. [Variety]
· Sundance announces this year's festival slate, with officials promising "a return to our roots" demonstrated by a commitment to movies that might seem less marketable to Hollywood types than years past. Hollywood types express their gratitude to the Sundance staff for further reducing any guilt they might feel about flying to Utah solely to drink themselves snowblind while fighting over gift bags. [THR]
· Paramount signs up Jim Carrey to star in a Tim Burton-directed action-adventure film based on Robert "Believe It or Not" Ripley's life, but the actor will "squeeze in" a thriller, a Ben Stiller comedy, and a brief nervous breakdown hiatus before reporting for Ripley duty next October. [Variety]
· The Squid and the Whale leads the Independent Spirit award nominations with six, including ones for best feature, best male lead, and best female lead. [THR]
· Faded NBC Uni golden boy Jeff Zucker lures Miramax survivor Meryl Poster to his lair with a producing deal for both television shows and feature films. Poster's deal also gives Zucker the contractual right to furtively assassinate her in the press should his own job ever seem in danger. [Variety]
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are sent in and authored by our eagle-eyed readers; send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line, unless you want our e-mail filter to eat your handiwork) and let the world know about Garry Shandling's workout outfit.
Demonstrating that he's certainly no "blubbering basket case" passively waiting for another season-long Nielsen colonic, NBC president Kevin Reilly fired off an e-mail rallying cry to his troops this afternoon as the network prepares to launch its new Fall season. Things are really "sparking," he says, instantly conjuring an image of the fourth place pres struggling valiantly to conjure fire from a child-proof Bic, from which a nearby six year-old easily coaxes a two-foot flame. But putting aside our predictable negativity, Reilly maintains that they have a lot to look forward to:
· Paramount's Oliver Stone project now has competition to be the first to exploit 9/11 for fun and profit (we're calling even money that one studio will announce some kind of donation to charity, if they haven't already), as Universal announces its plans for Flight 93, the story of the heroic passengers who sacrificed their lives once they learned that their hijacked plane was being directed towards a crash in DC. Oh, the film is going for a "gritty feel" with improvisation and handheld cameras. Sounds like a hoot! [Variety]
· From the God We Wish We Were Making This Up Department: "With NBC Universal Television Group suffering through a fiscal downturn, the division's president, Jeff Zucker, is implementing cost-cutting measures affecting everything from travel expenses to the snacks served at meetings." Perhaps even greater savings could be realized if Zucker and Kevin Reilly, the people who oversaw last season's disastrous plummet to the Nielsen basement, had their salaries taken away for a year? Let the people have their fucking Pringles, Jeff! They're not the ones who tied their fortunes to Joey. [THR]
· The (relative) overseas success of domestic box office bed-shitter The Island proves yet again that studios can count on international audiences to bail them out for making crappy movies. [Variety]
· The Canadian Broadcasting Corp. locks out over 5,000 unionized employees in its Biggest. Workstoppage. Ever. We hope someone closes down the border before Hollywood is overrun with workers ready to politely steal our jobs. [THR]
· Following the success of last weekend's release of Four Brothers, Paramount renews producer Lorenzo di Bonaventura's first-look deal—and he didn't even have to take out an ad exploiting his cleavage to get it. [Variety]
