A citizen journalist noted this duo in action: "Jake Gyllenhall and Mario Batali having breakfast together at Balthazar, one much cuter than the other! " Now what Batali is doing at a rival's restaurant, out in the open, is a mystery. And what he's doing with Jake Gyllenhaal, the Jean Paul Belmondo of our generation, is equally mind-fuzzying. Maybe he heard Jake's sister likes to pose topless or maybe we have a Jake + Mario restaurant in the offing. Brokeback Poutine anyone?

Our pal at Towleroad has landed this ultra-rare, exclusive image of dreamy-eyed Hollywood hunkboat [audible sigh] Jake Gyllenhaal, fresh off the Cannes premiere of Zodiac, catching a well-deserved nap on the Eurostar train between Paris and London. We really have nothing more to say, other than: Awww...famous people occasionally sleep, just like Us! (But look decidedly more adorable when they do it. Look at him! He's probably dreaming of cute sheep vaulting a perfect little fence.)

Once again, the Defamer Correspondent for Anti-Defamatory Awards Shows managed to infiltrate the turreted pink fortress that is the L.A. edition of the annual GLAAD media awards (who says scouring Craigslist at the last minute for dateless and desperate velvet mafioso is a fruitless endeavor?), and brings us yet another exhaustive report from the awards banquet sometimes referred to as the "the Gay Gay Superbowl." We now deliver you to his capable hands:

The L.A. edition of GLAAD's annual media awards were held Saturday night, when the anti-defamation organization with the poorly camouflaged hard-on for Hollywood can finally indulge a year's worth of celebrity reacharound fantasies, honoring the wonderful visibility-related work being done by famous Gays and Gay-Friendlies of every letter-designated caste. A round-up:
· Recovering slur victim T.R. Knight opened the ceremonies, telling the gathered crowd, "I am angry at the inequality we face every day. I hope to turn my anger into action." He then encouraged the audience to "imagine that eclair in front of you is Isaiah Washington," and instructed them to attack the pastry accordingly with their dessert forks. [AfterElton]
· Knight later responded to reporters' questions about how things have been between him and gayhabbed co-star Isaiah Washington behind the scenes at Grey's Anatomy (which, ironically, took the outstanding individual episode award), Knight evasively replied, "I just focus on doing the work. That's my job; that's what I'm paid for; and I think that's enough." [AccessHollywood] [CBSNews.com]

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you spotted noise-sensitive superarchitect Frank Gehry pumping iron at the Venice Gold's.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you spotted Love Connection's Chuck Woolery in bad need of a pedicure:

Fresh off his recent screen triumph in which he played a cartoonist in hot pursuit of an elusive serial killer who may or may not have also provided the voice of Roger Rabbit, Jake Gyllenhaal may next may thrill his legions of Brokeback-dialogue-spouting admirers by slipping into some red tights and gold lamé to play second-tier-Superman Captain Marvel:

Because no activity is too mundane to escape our scrutiny when the main participant is the dreamy-eyed star of the nation's #1 unresolved serial killer procedural, we now direct you to Page Six's coverage of Jake Gyllenhaal's recent Bloomingdale's shopping excursion, where he applied the kind of obsessive attention to detail director David Fincher usually insists one devotes to the crafting of character backstory to the exercise of shopping for foundation garments:

Except it's odder than that mixup, because, well, chef Daniel Boulud and Jake Gyllenhaal are not even brothers, like, at all. Now who's drunk!

• Jake Gyllenhaal pegs Ben Widdicombe for a drunk with a bad ending coming his way. Jeez, Jake. [NYDN]
  

· Please take a few minutes to allow a tag team of the Fonz and Henry Winkler (how'd they do that?) educate you about sexual abuse. You might think you're too old to benefit, but if nothing else, maybe your inner child will be saved from a scarring encounter with your inner handsy uncle. [via Fast Hugs]
· Jake Gyllenhaal's personal secrets to becoming famous, revealed!
· Please, we beg of you, don't view this video of the Clippers' Shaun Livingston injuring his knee. Trust us, don't watch it. Just don't. We're not kidding. Go watch some moose ball instead.
· The Big Pussy jokes really do write themselves.
· Suri Cruise is not only real, but really cute! Also, it took Tom's genetic engineers about forty tries before they produced a clone that could do that adorable pointing thing with the left index finger.

Fans of delicate, dreamy-eyed thespian Jake Gyllenhaal may reflexively wince in sympathy as we ask them to recall his harrowing description of the abusive conditions in which Zodiac sadist David Fincher forced his cast to toil, an experience that's left the actor with a paralyzing fear of his MacBook's "delete" key that may require years of intensive psychotherapy (involving the calming, self-negating act of continuously erasing the name "Jake" from an open Word document while discussing a performer's obligation to serve a director's vision) to cure. Curious about how accurate Gyllenhaal's account of his Zodiac ordeal may have been, The Reeler blog asked fellow Fincher plaything Mark Ruffalo about how their cinematic taskmaster ran his set:

Usually, when a reporter asks an actor about his experiences working for a Notoriously Difficult Director, the aggrieved talent bites his or her lip, takes a deep breath, then holds forth on how artistically rewarding it was to work for a "perfectionist." But in Sunday's NY Times, a still-rattled Jake Gyllenhaal couldn't resist the temptation to speak "candidly" about the emotional scars inflicted upon him by Zodiac sadist David Fincher:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in—the world is waiting. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Paula Abdul browsing the self-med section at Book Soup:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so do whatever it takes to get them in. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the night Wayne Brady didn't have to choke a bitch in order to enjoy a fun-filled evening in WeHo with Jai "the first Queer Eye to be eaten if the Fab Five were to get stranded in the Himalayas" Rodriguez.

Let it never be said that Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't know where his gay-icon bread is buttered: to kick off his SNL hosting gig this past weekend, the dreamy-eyed triple-threat deftly offered an air-kiss to fans of his legendary cowboy-bottom turn in Brokeback Mountain, then got down to the dirty business of winning back the hearts of any fans that may have been momentarily captured by Jennifer Hudson's moving™ rendition of that Dreamgirls song. Right about now, a half-dozen male Golden Globes nominees are frantically calling their writer friends (sadly, even Borat himself probably can't pull off the gag now, as much as we wanted to see it), begging them for new victory speech bits, knowing that their hilariously off-key thunder has been stolen by last year's most high-profile Globes snubbee. On the bright side, now we probably don't have to see Forest Whitaker whip off a breakaway tuxedo and bound into the audience to lovingly serenade double-nominee Leonardo DiCaprio with a show tune.

We know many of you are concerned about the legitimately scary turn of events that saw a tree fall on, then start a fire in, Manka's Inverness Lodge in Marin County (pictured), forcing the early morning evacuation of its guests—among them Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal and Frances McDormand and Joel Coen. Well, thanks to a Defamer operative in the vicinity, we can now report that Maggie and family have emerged unscathed, with sandwich-eating appetites intact:

Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal, along with Frances McDormand and husband Joel Coen, were slumbering at a Marin County inn when a tree crashed into it early yesterday morning, igniting a fire and sending its guests—both celebrity and non—fleeing for their lives. Reports the Marin Independent Journal:

It's difficult to believe, but not so long ago, when a First Family of Hollywood convened to exchange early Christmas presents, the spectacle of, say, Jane Fonda gifting brother Peter with lambskin racing gloves over dinner at Chasen's would go largely unreported. Today, however, with the proliferation of the interwebs, you (yes, you!) now have the power to transform such private moments into joyous happenings in the public sphere. In other words, thanks to a brave footsoldier of the information revolution like Mad Megan's blog, we can now share with you what Jake Gyllenhaal got from his parents for Christmas his birthday*:

Modern image editing software allows us to pluck with relative ease the most attractive features from our favorite stars' faces and bodies and seamlessly combine them into one miraculous Frankenstar. In Touch's latest stab at the genre makes a delicious hunk smoothie out of ingredients like Patrick Dempsey's fiber-rich hair, Jake Gyllenhaal's eyes, and, for added protein, Ben Affleck's gigantic chin. And while they see a likeness in the results to ER's Goran Visnjic, we think this Photoshopped hottie bears an almost uncanny resemblance to E!'s Dr. 90210 Robert Rey, leading us to wonder if perhaps the doctor's movie star good looks might well have been achieved by a series of painful, self-inflicted surgeries after he realized none of his nurses or technicians ever bestowed him with a nickname consisting of a "Mc" prefix followed by some synonym for the word "yummy."