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PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so do whatever it takes to get them in. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the night Wayne Brady didn't have to choke a bitch in order to enjoy a fun-filled evening in WeHo with Jai "the first Queer Eye to be eaten if the Fab Five were to get stranded in the Himalayas" Rodriguez.

In today's episode: Jake Gyllenhaal; Chris Rock; Kiefer Sutherland; Maggie Gyllenhaal; Lucy Liu; Wayne Brady and Jai Rodriguez; Suzanne Somers, Lily Tomlin, Joan Collins and Linda Evans; Malcolm McDowell; Nicholas Brendon; Ed Helms; Bradley Cooper; Carlos Bernard; Demetri Martin; Henry Simmons; Ben Savage and Tony Kanal; Natalie Raitano and G.E. Smith.

· Sunday at the dog park. My dog starts playing with a cute German shepherd that proceeds to hump him, without benefit of formal introduction or dinner. The owner and I intervene to restore civility and suddenly I'm confronted with sapphire blue orbs. Who else but Jake Gyllenhaal. Very sweet, drop dead hot, and very apologetic- although none was necessary. Our dogs just lived out my fantasy, by proxy. I say "WOOF".

· 1/22 - Whole Foods Market, 3rd & Fairfax, around 8pm. While waiting for my sandwich I spotted Chris Rock checking out the hot food bar; he gave me a look that said if I further identified him his house would surely be rained upon by locusts then sped away.

Does Everybody Really Hate Chris, or is he just paranoid?

· Just saw Chris Rock making a beeline for the automatic doors at the Whole Foods at 3rd and Fairfax. He was wearing an early 90s looking denim jacket, hands in pockets, and wearing big headphones. I don't know what he was doing, but he surely wasn't buying groceries.

· I was at my friend's play in North Hollywood (which probably seats about 40 people). In walks for the 3pm show (1-21) as if in slow motion, Kiefer Sutherland taking off his aviators. The man was wearing a suit and tie. Not business wear, but sexy & classy. I haven't seen anyone look that dapper in awhile. Even my friend who is in the play noted that she felt sorry for him looking as beautiful as he did in such a small little theater. I couldn't believe this was the same man who attacked a Christmas tree and got so trashed he took off his pants in a bar. We did our best not to gawk, but all of us were dumbfounded and a little weak in the knees. "What can you do?" my friend said, about Jack Bauer being in the same breathe-space. The answer was nothing. You can only take it all in.

· Maggie Gyllenhaal pulling out of a spot on Highland, just before Santa Monica. New dark gray Lexus, dealer plates, "Baby on Board" windowshade (though no sign of the wee one). Always thought she would drive something more Nordic, a Volvo or a Saab. Had Sienna Miller-style Golden Globes/Heidi hairdo. Even in a driveby, hard to miss her stunning complexion. Where's Jakey?

· 1-22 2:13 p.m. Ed's Coffeeshop on Robertson: Lucy Liu.

· So Wayne Brady and Jai Rodriguez have been out and about together quite a lot in the West Hollywood Bar Scence recently, i spotted them twice in one week. On Thursday (Jan. 18th) they were eating together and having drinks at OBar then on Sunday (Jan. 21st) i saw them and two women leaving Mickey's. A friend of mine that's a go go dancer at the bar said that they just stared and hardly tipped him. He also said that he spotted them out at the Abbey a few nights earlier... draw your own conclusions but i have a feeling that Wayne must be doing research for a new role. Insert joke here.

· Saturday (1/20) Lily Tomlin was at the Joan Collins/Linda Evans play "Legends" at the Wilshire Theatre. Looking great and was sweet as can be to my friend who insisted on saying "hello" to her. I guess waiting for the Dynasty Divas to exit at the stage poor after the show doesn't count as a real Privacywatch encounter. But... Joan Collins looks great. She stopped to sign autographs for a couple of fans but was in urgent need of "getting in from the freezing cold, darling" and Linda Evans (much more feminine and petite in person - shame about the bad face work) seemed like a really kind, genuine person.

Sunday (1/21) Suzanne Somers was out and about in Malibu. Could not have looked less liked someone who just lost her house and its entire contents to a fire! Wearing a stylish camel coat and big (Olsen-esque) shades - chatting and laughing with some friends. I overheard her say "I will have a house and food again, soon!"

· The love part of my love/hate relationship with Urth Caffe was upped a notch last week when I was told having a baby in a stroller meant I could cut in line. (Because it's super crowded, not b/c they give special preference to helping populate um, Earth.) While waiting to artfully jump ahead of the customer who had been politely waiting in line for 10 minutes or so, I glanced over at the man with a shock of white hair standing next to me at the register. He asked the lady about a take out order for Malcolm McDowell, and when it wasn't ready, Malcolm and I exchanged a few words about my baby. He was very polite and patient as he waited for his to-go lunch, which seemed to take a while. Oh, and this was at the Santa Monica location.

· A few hours later in Beverly Hills as I was walking out of the parking structure on Bedford and Little SM Blvd. that houses CVS, I passed a black SUV stopped at the corner. Out emerged a little lady with a LOT of plastic surgery accompanied by a middle aged preppy man-handler. Joan Collins began to go over aloud the list of what she needed to buy (I caught "lip brush") as this seemingly masked lady went into the store.

· Sunday evening in Venice on Abbot Kinney Blvd. my husband pointed out Nicholas Brendon, who was walking his German shepherd (off leash, I might add). Then I made the point it could be his twin brother. We may never know.

· Saturday 1/20 - The Farmer's Market at 3rd and Fairfax. Ed Helms (former Daily Show correspondent and currently Andy on "The Office") waiting outside the bathroom between Bennett's Ice Cream and Sur La Table. The guy he was waiting for was also a recognizable face (I think he has also been on the Daily Show). He was bald and had glasses, however, after much searching, I still couldn't find or remember his name. I was waiting for my girlfriend and trying not to stare awkwardly at the comedic talent in front of me. I was able to resist the urge to ask him to call me Big Tuna just once or sing a few bars of Rockin' Robin.

· Just when I thought my dry spell of man-candy sightings was never going to end, in walks the hotness that is Bradley Cooper at Equinox in Santa Monica on Sunday.

· Tony Almeida from 24 (Carlos Bernard, says imdb) at the little Starbucks on La Cienega about 9am on Sat morning (1/20). Haven't seen him since he was killed last season in that fiery explosion that also killed his wife Michelle Dessler and set into motion a series of events that nearly destroyed the country. Has he worked since? Guy was basically co-star of one of the top shows on TV and can't find another job now? Would someone please give Tony Almeida a role worthy of his ass-kicking abilities?

· Saw my boyfriend, Demetri Martin twice this week!
First, he was on my flight from JFK to LAX on Tuesday (1/16)...he was very polite to the flight attendants and he and his two companions seemed very mellow (one had to be his sister as they looked EXACTLY alike). Second, was at the Arclight on Saturday night (1/20). Didn't catch which movie he was coming out of but he was with a pretty girl who I was immediately jealous of. I wanted so badly to explain to him that fate was trying to bring us together , but I just don't have the Thatchers (Female Balls, thanks Colbert!). As he turned the corner to go down the stairs we made eye contact and I'm pretty sure he realized that I recognized him. He gave a nice genuine smile and went on his way. Also worth mentioning is his beautiful, shiny, commercial-worthy hair! I wonder what conditioner he uses.

· Former NYPD Blue hottie Henry Simmons sitting in a floor model massage chair and apologizing into a cell phone ("You're right, I'm sorry") at the Hollywood Bed Bath & Beyond, 1/21. Still Beyond hot.

· Sat, 1/20 Formosa Cafe

I think Ben Savage lives there, maybe under one of the red booths. Third weekend in a row that I've seen him wandering around—last weekend, he had an entourage! Also spotted Tony Kanal of No Doubt (have they broken up yet) in the back of the train car—seemed to be part of a larger party for a birthday. With a pretty brunette, who I think was taller than him...but to be honest, that's probably not hard to achieve.

· Great sightings: Sunday 1/21, I saw Natalie Raitano, the short-haired ass kicker from Pammy A's show, VIP. She was going into Bath and Body Works 75% off sale at the Fashion Square Mall in Sherman Oaks. Sad thing is, I was on her myspace page two weeks before. I have no reason why. Then this morning, 1/22, I saw G.E. Smith, guitar player of Hall and Oates and SNL bandleader fame (fame?) at the Burbank Airport. He scowled at me when I look over at him while he was putting his boots back on. He looks like one of those trolls at the top of a pencil. He is really, really Fugly. Two awesome Valley sightings in two days, Fuck Silverlake, I'm moving back to my boyhood home in Tarzana.