If you're a female celebrity and you haven't gone girl-on-girl before a crowd of roaring, adoring males, you're probably gay. Last night, Sandra kissed Scarlett as revenge on Jesse. How did lesbian kisses become the ultimate mainstream display of hetero-desirability?

Apparently one of America's favorite guidos was doing a bunch of blow while filming in Miami, but RadarOnline won't say who. Which one is it? Snooki? JWOWW? Vinny? The first person to say "all of them" gets shot.

If you want to join MTV's ongoing reality madness, you're in luck: Open casting calls for Jersey Shore are scheduled for Sunday in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Getting on the show won't be easy though. Here are some tips.

Thanks to MTV's guido drama Jersey Shore, business in the town of Seaside Heights, NJ is gearing up for a record-breaking summer. All that talk about how bad the show is for the shore's image? Fuggedaboutit.

The cliffhangers on last night's season finale of Gossip Girl were almost enough to get you to tune in next year, weren't they? But before we get to resolution in the future, let's find some closure with the past.

Michelle Bombshell: May 19, 2010
Bombshell covers more parts of her body than have ever before been covered at the same time, but ends up looking a streetwalker version of Elvira. Here is a quote from the accompanying article:

Jersey Shore turned out to be a major cash cow for MTV, club promoters, photo agencies, and any innocent bystander who a cast member happened to attack. But now that everyone wants a piece, will they bleed it dry?

Someone must have finally taught Snooki how to fight: She threw a punch at a girl in a Miami club. JWOWW got Snooki's back, but was floored by friends of the victim. And you thought tanks couldn't take ShamWOWW down.

Tinsley Mortimer appears with fellow reality stars Snooki, JWOWW, and Sammi in the new issue of Harper's Bazaar. The girls look surprisingly high fashion, but who is the Tinz to be telling them how to behave?

The final season of The Hills, MTV's reality television experiment gone awry, doesn't start until April 27th and we're already sick of hearing about this crew. Once the show wraps, can we wipe it from our collective memory forever?

Can you throw down with The Situation, fist pump with Snooki, or survive one of ShamWOWW's vicious right hooks? Then you're a few stupid questions away from being a part of the next season of Jersey Shore.

You might have heard already by JWOWW and Ronnie from Jersey Shore are writing a book about how to be a guido. Sorry, kids, but we beat you to the punch. Advice ahoy!

Angelina "Trash Bags" left Jersey Shore after three episodes. Even that short stint in the house has ruined her life, though: Three of her former cast mates have threatened her life and DJ Paulie D blew her off. Tragedy!

Jersey Shore is already so incredibly obvious that the jokes about it are just too easy and often unfunny. How does the porn movie based on the show measure up? It is both terrible and amazing. Safe(ish) for work!

It wouldn't be a Fashion Week without a bit of drama, and nothing says drama like a good, old-fashioned fight. Plenty of people are squaring off, but there can only be one victor. Who will walk away champion?

[J. Woww, of the Connecticut Wowws, at Fashion Week today; image via Splash]

You might imagine that, after scanning guys' dating profiles, women would be turned off by the douche who's so proud of his gym-honed abs that he poses shirtless. But scientifically-collated data begs to differ: Dating site OKCupid has found that men whose profile photos include a shirtless shot get more responses—but only if they're the proud possessors of a six-pack. Otherwise, it's best to unveil your flabby love handles in person, duh.

• Lots of celebs turned out for the Super Bowl in Miami. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were there (and were spotted "kissing, hugging and laughing," so if you were worried that they'd broken up, you can rest easy). Also on hand was Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher (who were chased by photographers), Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, and John Travolta, who couldn't even be bothered to stay for the entire game. [DM, The Sun, Popeater]

• Is the cast of Jersey Shore getting a little overexposed? Just a little! MTV is now looking to clamp down on their efforts to "pimp themselves" at bars and colleges around the country and has informed them that they're each limited to two appearances a week and need permission from the network before accepting any gigs. [P6, NYDN]

• In other Jersey Shore news, Jenni "JWoww" Farley is planning to "enhance" her ginormous fake boobs "as soon as possible to be ready for the new season," you'll be pleased to hear. [P6]

It's Jennifer Anniston's birthday, and she's taking the gang down to Meheeko to party with her maybe-mans. Sandra Bullock knows she's not winning an Oscar. JWoww's boobs, Tiger's dick, Pete Wentz's semen, and more! Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup.

John McEnroe jogging on Central Park West ... Peter Dinklage walking his dog in the West Village ... Madonna arriving at JFK ... Keri Russell carrying son River downtown ... John Lithgow leaving his apartment ... Jessica Szohr on the set of Gossip Girl in Brooklyn ... Ashlee Simpson arriving at the Ambassador Theater for a performance of Chicago ... and Jersey Shore's J-Woww posing for photos inside GLO nightclub on Long Island.