You might have heard already by JWOWW and Ronnie from Jersey Shore are writing a book about how to be a guido. Sorry, kids, but we beat you to the punch. Advice ahoy!

The two signed on to write a book called Don't Fall in Love at the Jersey Shore. Ronnie will be especially qualified to write this because he has fallen in love at the Jersey Shore, so he knows what not to do. Also he once got a box of crayons, so he knows how to scribble. Please, please, please, please let this pair not have a ghostwriter. Please!

We didn't want to wait for them, so we went and compiled the advice on our own. We knew our compendium of quotes from the most important sociological experiment of our time would come in handy one day, and that day has come. Here is How to Be a Guido using quotes from the show that pertain to their look, clothes, food, relationships, and how they deal with each other.

  • "Wear a thong bikini if you're going to wear anything. It's more classier."
  • "I eat [a pickle] a specific way. I suck the juice out first."
  • "I'm not going to cuddle with you. I don't cuddle."
  • "Your girl shouldn't be out there dancing like that, lifting up her skirt, and I already made out with her."
  • "It should be stricktly business, Jacuzzi, bedroom, take care of business, then I gotta go to bed."
  • "A bra is the same as a bathing suit."
  • "If you're not hitting the gym for an hour or so, then you'll have a problem, because I'm at the gym for an hour and a half."
  • "I don't want to waste my time and take home a girl who just wants to hang out. I just want to get down to the business. You line it up, then you move on."
  • "Women are definitely a game. It's like a business. There are rules to it. Boys take care of boys."
  • "That's why I don't eat frickin' lobster or anything. They're alive when you kill it, that's frickin' disgusting."
  • "Let's say 10 girls have slipped you their number in that particular week. There's the possibility that five or six may not answers. Someone may pick up but they're busy. But probably on three and four they're coming over and we have to make a decision which girls we want to hang out with...As long as you keep calling there will be success in your numbers game. It's just like anything."
  • GTL, baby. Gym, tanning, laundry.