As New York City braces for Irene's wrath, we remember one of the only recorded hurricanes to touch directly over modern Manhattan.

This morning the "eye wall" of Hurricane Irene reached land just east of Cape Lookout in North Carolina—sweeping away dunes, flooding beaches, destroying a pier in kinda-nearby Atlantic Beach, and causing power outages. The old girl's not as strong as we thought she'd be, though! The latest, with updates below.

Cable news should never try to do comedy, even if a state of emergency has been declared. Here's MSNBC contributor Touré comparing Hurricane Irene to a bad date on Dylan Ratigan this afternoon. She's a "total bitch"—get it?

Right now everyone is griping about Hurricane Irene. "It's ruining my weekend!" "I'm being evacuated!" "This is the worst!" Oh, shut up, everyone. This hurricane is going to be great! Here's why.

Everyone is flipping out about this damn hurricane that's going to batter the East Coast either tomorrow or Sunday. Have you evacuated? If so, where are you headed? If not, what are you gonna do? Let us know.

The clock is ticking as residents along the East Coast prepare to suffer the wrath of Hurricane Irene. Will it actually be as bad as everyone is saying? As you can see from these photos, lots of people are taking the "better safe than sorry" approach. So fire up your "Come on Irene" jokes (if you're the sort of person who would make one of those), board up all the windows, and prepare to loot your nearest grocery store. Irene is upon us!

Hurricane Irene is churning up the East Coast like an angry 17th-century dairy maid. Obama has canceled his vacation to make us feel safe and evacuations are underway in New York City. Here's the latest news, with updates below.

This hurricane thing is really happening: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered a mandatory evacuation of New Yorkers in low-lying zones, while the MTA will shut down subway service at 2pm Saturday.

President Obama will end his Martha's Vineyard vacation a day short and return to Washington, to monitor mean old Hurricane Irene. Are you happy now? Are you happy he's ending his vacation to play National Daddy? Glad you're happy.

You hear about this hurricane that's headed up the East Coast? According to a variety of scientific and mathematical calculations, Hurricane Irene might completely drown New York City and much of the Eastern seaboard. It's a dire weather prediction geek-off.

Did you hear? Hurricane Irene is going to slam into New York City like Lindsay Lohan slamming into the sidewalk in front of a nightclub. It's going to be horrible! But we're sure you can make it through if you prepare adequately. Here's how.

There are states of emergency all up-and-down the East Coast.

As you know because you are currently reading this blog post on your handheld device as you stand in line at Home Depot where you're purchasing plywood, duct tape, and guns (shhhh), Hurricane Irene is allegedly headed straight for New York City. Is it even worth worrying?