If you set aside the five or so hours it took to download Apple's iOS 5 this weekend, you were richly rewarded with a suite of new functions for your favorite brain-cancer-hastening communications device. And none were niftier than "Find My Friends" — appointed in the finest iNaugahyde, it's an app that allows you to plot your friends on a map as if they were enemy ships on a blinking radar screen.

God Hates Steve Jobs about as much as God Hates Fags, but God loves Apple products—therefore, it's totally not hypocritical at all that Westboro Baptist Church member @MargieJPhelps used an iPhone to declare her congregation's next publicity stunt demonstration on God's behalf. Even God has an iPhone.

When Gawker started experiencing technical issues yesterday, we thought Anonymous might have snuck into our server room and poured Doritos into all the machines. Well, it turns out lots of big websites had outages yesterday.

A great many Apple fans are hot and bothered that no iPhone 5 emerged today to fill the void in their souls. But you know who should really feel dejected? All the tech bloggers who wasted time typing bold proclamations about new features, designs and phones that never came.

Poietic Studio is a London firm that describes itself as "a multidisciplinary practice with backgrounds in interactive & spatial design, art & engineering." But after seeing this video of its new Floating Orchestra product—which lets you use your iPhone to conduct 19 levitating spheres, each its own instrument that increases in volume as it physically rises—I'm more inclined to say it's one hell of a badass invention company and just leave it at that. [via BuzzFeed]

Speaking at a conference in South Africa, Apple board member Al Gore blabbed about "the new phones coming out next month." Now everyone's expecting two new iPhones. Apple'll probably be cool about it. It's pretty laid back about iPhone launches.

Is your ego underinflated? Do you lack the mass media ubiquity and blind teen adulation required for true self worth? Luckily there's an iPhone app to help! Meet "Fan Mail."

As you know, Google is the world's most frugal company. So they must have really thought the founders of the now-flailing iPhone app Color were on to something when they offered to buy the company for $200 million earlier this year.

The White House has a challenge for you, software developers: They want you to devise a smartphone app whose purpose is to prevent rapes on college campuses.

For vacationing tech addicts who simply can't relax without plunging a Twitter-feed mainline between their toes, a new trend in the travel business: digital detox. The Wall Street Journal reports that several hotels and resorts are offering enticements to visitors willing to abandon the grid during their stay. They target these junkies in the social media crack dens where they tend to lurk, offering discounts if the travelers promise to surrender their gadgets and computers at check-in.

This might provide some clues as to why no one in New York is riding the bus anymore. Asked by a driver to not use her iPhone's speakers to play her music, the woman unleashed an extremely loud, hateful, and profanity-filled tirade ("You need to shut the f*ck up and drive your bus, you miserable old f*cking man!...You f*cking honky!"), which was captured on video by another, pissed-off rider. iPhones fighting iPhones!

Apple is becoming a major diplomatic player. The company agreed to remove an iPhone app devoted to Palestinian insurrection, eliciting praise for "swift action" from Israel's public diplomacy minister. This sort of app removal is going to get tricky.

A guy with a sign is begging Wall Street passersby to fund his iPhone app. He just needs $250,000. And with venture capitalists putting $10 million into a grilled cheese sandwich, is that really asking too much?

It turns out there's a reason your iPhone has been stalking you: It might use your private data to hook you up with nearby iPhone owners. And you thought your mom was an awkward matchmaker.

Saxby Chambliss has become the first senator to release an iPhone app. This would be an ominous development even if the Georgia Republican's office didn't have a history involving online hate speech.

If you lock your iPhone behind a passcode, there's a good chance you've chosen from one of just 10 extremely common combinations. It's time to switch to something that actually protects your data.

The Telegraph reports on a teenager in China who allegedly sold his own kidney to afford an iPad 2 and iPhone. He told reporters that he had found an advertisement online that offered 20,000 yuan ($3000 US) for a kidney. So he made the journey to the city of Chenzhou in Hunan Province where, he says, a hospital cut him open, plucked out the organ, and paid him for his time.

In an attempt to restore justice within the smoking community, Marlboro has released a student has invented a smartphone app called Bump a Smoke that enables people to trade virtual cigarettes for real ones. Based on bump technology, the app seems to "work" like this:

Artist Jorge Colombo draws street scenes in New York using only his finger and the iPhone "Brushes" app. You might have seen his work on the cover of the New Yorker last year. In honor of his upcoming book of images of the Big Apple, here are some of his coolest cityscapes. We only wish our fingers could be so nimble.

When you're in a hole, stop digging. Apple, with its enviable PR, shouldn't need to learn that lesson, but apparently it does—if only to prevent the sort of inaccurate, overreaching Congressional testimony Bud Tribble delivered Tuesday.