Novelist Bret Easton Ellis is reporting via Twitter that reclusive, hyper-litigious mystery-blogger Nikki Finke called his agency ICM with a threat to to sue Ellis and to destroy the agency. Why? It's a long story. With Nikki, it always is.

Oh heck, a new survey says that going to the movies is a "frequent source of entertainment" for only 3% of your fellow Americans. Three dang percent. What the hey are you doing with your time now, Americans? Masturbating? Where, and in what ways? Do you have pictures? That's not the point. The point is that the movies must be saved. But how?

After decades of rumored gay bath house orgies and Scientology "cures," John Travolta's sex life is back in the news with sexual battery charges from a pair of male masseurs. Running parallel to the story of John Travolta's rise to fame is the story of his allegedly gay penis' rise to infamy. Now presenting John Travolta: A Portrait of the Actor as the Sum of His Gay Rumors.

Four African men — Benard, Brian, Derrick, Gabriel — address the Western world re: one-track stereotypes used by Hollywood in its portrayal of African men.

Though some outsiders believe that the culture of wealthy Los Angeles residents is outrageous, the "maternity concierge" team of Ellie Miller and Mellissa Gould disagrees. "Nothing is outrageous to us," they say. They are "maternity concierges." Nothing is outrageous to them.

BEVERLY HILLS— Beverly Hills is not a real place in the real world. Beverly Hills is what happens when you take the "Beverly Hills" pavilion at Epcot Center, expand it a thousandfold, and populate it with actors playing real people.

Hollywood Reporter via NYDN: "After months of headaches over stars Bradley Cooper, Zack Galifanakis and Ed Helms' $15 million-plus contract demands, Warner Brothers is nearing a deal" for The Hangover III. Hollywood will not stop until it grinds this franchise into the ground, sucking every last dollar and ounce of humor from Zach Galifanakis' slowly draining soul. Not a bad way to go, all things considered. [image via Warner-Brothers]

Possessed Anthropologie mannequin Zooey Deschanel was not nominated for any Oscars on Tuesday.

On Tuesday afternoon, on a hiking trail in Hollywood Hills, a pair of female dogwalkers stumbled across the severed head of a middle-aged man. Two of their dogs had been playing with a plastic bag, they told the LAPD. Inside was a human head.

In an elaborate ceremony last night, fat rage-eater Harvey Weinstein was re-annointed the vengeful God of Hollywood from the stage of the Golden Globes by High Priestess Meryl Streep.

The mysterious actress suing IMDb for revealing her "real age" and "real Asian name" has been revealed: Huong Hoang, stage name Junie Hoang, is a 40-year-old Vietnam-born Texan who says IMDb's ruthless privacy invasion has jeopardized her career as "Ghetto Girl Three" in Hoodrats 2: Hoodrat Warriors and "Sandy" in Gingerdead Man 3: Saturday Night Cleaver.

Notorious class sleeper, D student, failed Oscar host, art enthusiast, multiple PhD candidate, and sometimes actor James Franco is going to ruin literature once again. He sold a novel! To Amazon! About actors! My eyes are getting a workout from all this rolling.

Gilberto Sanchez, the Bronx native who leaked a workprint of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, was sentenced to one year in prison. That's a whole year for Sanchez to think about what he's done, get out, and probably do it again. [Deadline]

[UPDATED WITH VIDEO] "It was shooting crazy," said one bystander of a freak shooting spree at the corners of Hollywood Blvd. Sunset Blvd.* and Vine St. — the Crossroads of Forgotten Dreams — this morning. According to the LA Times report, a gunman started firing randomly at passing cars at 10:30 a.m., hitting one man in a Mercedes in the head and grazing another in the leg. Bystanders waved over two cops who were working on a movie shoot down the street, and they fired on the shooter, killing him. Way to go, LAPD!

Is it even worth introducing Chris Brown with an insult? He is just terrible! Well, Chris Brown, horrendous hatemonster and destroyer of all things good and pure in this world, has plunked down $1.5 million for this home in Hollyweird, CA.

Producer Brian Grazer, of The Klumps fame, will replace Brett Ratner as the Oscars' producer. Pros: won't use the f-word, hasn't jerked off in front of Olivia Munn (probably). Cons: looks like alien wearing a poorly-made human being costume.

Noted Hollywood fauxteur Brett Ratner appeared on Attack of the Show to pimp his latest brain-smoothing studio confection, Tower Heist. After a comfortable amount of brown-nosing, host Kevin Pereira pointedly asked the director if rumors were true that a particularly unflattering passage in former co-host Olivia Munn's memoir, Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures Of A Hollywood Geek, had referred to Ratner. (The story, as Munn recounts it, involved a major movie director whipping out his tiny penis without warning and proceeding to jerk off, while simultaneously eating cocktail-sauce-slathered jumbo shrimps with the other hand.)

Ryan Seacrest, who hangs over Hollywood and infests everything in it like a cloud of smog carrying Anthrax, made his first deal to produce a movie. If this is anything like his TV producing enterprises, which brought us the Ugg-booted Yeti that is the Kardashians, we're all doomed.

It's rare that you come across an article and, upon reading it, wonder to yourself "Is this the most horrifying thing ever written?" But occasionally there are things like this, an article on Fox News' website bearing the title "New Crop of Comediennes Combine Funny Bones With Banging Bodies." Terrific!

Great news: a new OFFICIAL video release from Chet Hanks a.k.a. Chet Haze, the Midwest's number one Northwestern University movie star scion rap artist of the present generation! This one is sure to drainerade the haterade awayerade!