War on Christmas Central: The New York City arts scene. Gays, pervs, race-mixers. Jesus Christ.

WWD asked a bunch of fashion designers about the fabulous places they'll be heading to over the holidays, and what they're hoping Santa leaves them under the tree (or beside the Hanukkah menorah, as the case may be). Most of the gifts mentioned are predictably fancy and expensive. But not all! The only thing Nanette Lepore wants this holiday season is a 15-minute meeting with Michael Bloomberg. [WWD]

In the United States, the "War on Christmas" is a weird fantasy in which people pretend that the mere acknowledgment of other religious/ethnic traditions is an attack on Christianity/American Values. In Israel, though, the War on Christmas is real.

Got a non-white person on your Christmas list? Know nothing about him/her other than his/her race? For racist grannies who maybe feel funny about their adopted Chinese grandkids, The New York Times offers a very special "Of Color" gift guide.

The annual Heathen War on Christmas is in full swing. Sexxxy cat woman Andrea Peyser has identified the key perpetrators: "Lawyers & jerks." But Andrea Peyser has also found Christian Christmas' savior: some shouty little kid.

Ho ho ho! How can we ruin your Christmas today? I know: a public service campaign that instructs men to purchase pap smears for their special women as holiday gifts.

You should probably read the incredible summaries posted by those who witnessed this bizarre celebration of one man's incredibly dysfunctional self-regard. The basic story: Glenn Beck is "Eddie," and he is poor, and his mom makes him a sweater, and then he kills his mom with ingratitude, and then he cries on the floor while a black woman sings at him, and then he runs through a cornfield during a storm, and his mom comes back to life. And then Glenn Beck, who is no longer Eddie, explains that the capitalists at Simon and Schuster forced him to write that terrible dream ending, and in reality, he did kill his real-life mom with ingratitude.

"For Christ's Sake," ha: Secular Thanksgiving is over, which means it's time for the Atheist War on Christmas to begin anew.

Barneys creative director, fashion guru, window dresser extraordinaire, and author Simon Doonan has been tapped by the Obamas to decorate the White House for the holidays. Best Christmas in DC ever? Quite possibly! Provided he steers clear of blood spatter this time around, that is! [NYT]

When it came out last week that Greenwich, Connecticut didn't have enough money to pay for its annual display of holiday decorations, you might have assumed that within hours, some billionaire hedge funder would step up and cover the five-figure tab, right? No such luck! [Dealbreaker]

Every political reporter in the nation was so consumed by one ridiculous non-story over the holiday weekend that they missed the biggest ridiculous non-story of the month: Chelsea Clinton is engaged!

In Addams Family Values, Christina Ricci's Wednesday Addams gives this hilarious and biting monologue about the first Thanksgiving and the last 200 years of Native American-white people relations. Click to watch.

You are probably at this very moment attempting to communicate with family members you have almost nothing in common with. What do you do if it turns out Aunt Edwina is a birther?

After a hilarious speech, President Obama pardoned the first turkey of his administration, continuing this delightful tradition that should probably be ended, immediately.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and the spending-time-with-family anxiety has likely already set in. What better way to take your mind off of the impending holiday drama—you know, Grandma pre-gaming at 9am with a handle of scotch, Uncle Bob's off-color jokes—than by looking into all the crazy Thanksgiving accoutrements you can pick up this Turkey Day? A few favorites after the jump.

Pay attention Obama: Here is how you wish people a happy Thanksgiving: FROM MOTHERFUCKING OUTER SPACE!

If you're not following the New York City Transit Authority on Twitter, you are missing out on some great deals. It's Surplus Tuesday! Everything must go!

Goldman Sachs bankers are going to be out buying new Porsches and weekend homes in East Hampton just as soon as they collect their record year-end bonuses. But that's not what the rest of us are going to be getting this holiday season, at least according to Goldman Sachs. The firm's retail analysts say that most Americans—the ones that aren't getting seven-figure sums in a few weeks—should expect to see lots of crummy sweaters under the tree this Christmas. Thanks for rubbing it in, guys. [WSJ/Marketbeat]

You know the economy isn't improving when Greenwich, Connecticut can't afford to string up lights this holiday season. [Greenwich Time via Dealbreaker]