Christmas is probably my favorite time of the year. There are so many great things about it: candy canes, presents, family togetherness, days off work, drunken holiday parties, crappy Christmas movies on ABC Family, Rudolph! What's not to love? Actually there are a handful of things not to love, and here they are.

Christmas is around the corner! Have you caught the Christmas spirit yet? No? Yeah, me neither. It's okay, though: we've collected the our favorite weird, gory, depressing and otherwise deeply creepy Christmas carols for your listening, um, enjoyment.

Are you one of those Christmas revelers who goes absolutely bonkers the second December rolls around? There's nothing quite like those bright lights of Christmastime, but some have a tendency to overdo it on the holiday cheer.

You love your dog. Far more than your emotionally distant heart could ever love a human. And why not? Your dog never did anything but express an evolutionarily advantageous convincing simulacrum of love for you. You must show your love back. You must! But what to get Nibbles and Rocky this holiday season? Only the best.

The economy is crappier than a Porta-Potty at an outdoor electronic dance music festival. We've all got to pinch pennies, and the holidays are no exception. So, we present our top five gifts under five cents.

Today we learned that the holidays are a time to show the people in your life how much they mean to you. When it comes to sending a message via the gift of a material possession unto another, it's important to be creative! One commenter was the recipient of an especially creative gift.

Welcome to Gift Guide Week at Gawker, where we instruct on how best to fritter away your hard-won dollars on meaningless tokens of consumerism, because a bastard baby was born in a pile of hay on a clear night 2000 years ago. Let's start with the people you want to cross off your shopping list: people you hate.

Our long national nightmare of coke cans looking different than usual has ended: Coca Cola has announced that it will scrap this year's white holiday-designed cans, and return to "time-honored red" next week. Why? "Sacrilege."

Tonight, NBC aired its annual Rockefeller Center Christmas tree lighting special. It was boring! Well, except for the part where Justin Bieber debuted the music video for his duet with Mariah Carey of "All I Want for Christmas Is You (Superfestive!)." Because what the hell?

Christmastime is here — the most wonderful time of the fourth-quarter of the year! String up the lights! Set up the Robot Santa! Invite your third grade students to your house to trim your tree, and make them wear bras and panties, and videotape them doing it! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Do NOT do that. Definitely do not do that.

Let's not allow the pepper-spray clouds, bullet showers, and mounds of bloody Brawny towels to obscure our view of the hard-working cashiers, stockers, and other retail workers who staffed the stores and enabled Black Friday to happen. How did they fare yesterday?

What's the funniest thing about this video of people nearly rioting over a $2 waffle iron at Wal-Mart? Probably the bit where it embodies everything awesome about America, including a horrible economy, aggressive consumerism, mindless violence and a complete lack of concern for one's fellow human beings. And let's not forget internet rubbernecking and smug class hatred, sure to arrive soon in comments on all the finest sites on the web! Happy Black Friday, everyone! [@HurrAKAneCam19 via Short Form Blog]

Thanksgiving is the perfect day to cherish those people and things that enhance your life: your family and Facebook friends, your computer, your favorite website, and many other, less obvious things that you might be overlooking. Such as?

Even though New York First Mistress Sandra Lee is forever partial to Halloween—if you don't know why, do yourself a favor and click here to find out—she still made time to visit tonight's Late Night and prepare a Thanksgiving meal with Jimmy Fallon. And by "Thanksgiving meal," I mean "a gross-looking Bailey's martini and some cornbread stuffing with a can of Campbell's chicken rice soup in it," among other monstrosities. Aunt Sandy, God love her.

According to the American Farm Bureau Federation, your "classic" Thanksgiving dinner of "turkey, whiskey, stuffing, cranberries, pumpkin pie and all the basic trimmings" will cost 13 percent more than it did last year. As if you needed to hear that kind of news!

Glorious American capitalism has advanced so much in the past year that the traditional "Black Friday" day of shopping hell has now become "Black Midnight," in which major big box retailers open their doors on the first, dark minute of the day after Thanksgiving, so that your time in pre-Christmas retail torment may be prolonged as much as possible. Target's doing it. Best Buy's doing it. But... but what about Wal-Mart?

Here we are, two months into the Christmas shopping season. Have you finished? No, because you didn't start in September like you were supposed to. Well, not to worry; corporate America is doing everything in its power to make you feel guilty about your laziness and poverty of ideas as well as money for several more hours, this holiday season.

If the scribblings of the Las Vegas Witch have taught us anything, it's that not all grown-ups get swept up in the Halloween spirit. But kiddie revelers in Aiken, South Carolina, have upped the ante as well:

A reader sends us this photo of a note to trick-or-treaters left on a door in Las Vegas: "Porch light is off... You know what that means??? No candy here, cunts! Run back to mommy + daddy, cuz I'm a witch. Don't look back motherfuckers!"

Halloween isn't until Monday, which means that you still have a couple of days to slap together a quick costume. And do you know what kind of costume is quicker than quick? The kind you buy at a store. No, it's not very creative—and navigating overcrowded costume shops this weekend won't be fun—but at least you'll be appropriately dressed at any Halloween party you attend.