Do you remember "books?" A book is basically thousands of tweets printed out and stapled together between pieces of cardboard. It may sound ridiculous, but back in colonial times (and for a number of years after) books were a major source of information and entertainment. These days, the majority of books are read by people who don't know how to use the internet. A book is a great gift for these people; it's important to replenish book-lovers' collections so they don't just stare at the wall all day.

The War on Thanksgiving is the new War on Christmas. (Not to fear—the War on Christmas will resume next week.)

What looks like a solid block of gray on the front page of the Hamilton Spectator resolves, when enlarged, into thousands and thousands of names of the war dead. Tomorrow is Remembrance Day in Commonwealth nations, and Veterans Day here in the U.S., and each commemorates the end of World War I and more generally all those who served. I'd hope for something similarly powerful from an American paper tomorrow, but I'm not sure any have the space.

Today is National Taco Day AND National Vodka Day. Celebrate with a barf fiesta.

Behold: The cover for This Christmas, the upcoming joint holiday album from the reupholstered pods that once held the souls of former onscreen lovers John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. It looks like they're having a hot-cocoa-and-gift-wrapping party, how neat.

Here is what is in right now: rooftop beehives and celebrating Rosh HaShana. In Brooklyn, the two practices go hand in hand.

It reads like the kind of thought-provoking hypothetical your cool high school history teacher who sat not behind but ON TOP OF his desk and called everyone by their last names might have thrown out: Should Germany have its own Veterans Day?

During a power outage at the Aruba Surf Club, a quick-thinking Jill Zarin lit her Hanukkah menorah, saving her kin from darkness with the light of nine small candles that lasted three long hours. Just like the Maccabees, running out of oil and threatened by darkness at a five-star Caribbean resort.

It's easy to turn into an asshole during the holidays. Alcohol, sugar, caffeine, bad weather, enforced cheer, cramped quarters filled with god damned loved ones and awful Christmas music - everything conspires to piss you off. So bear that in mind as you judge these horribly entitled tweets from spoiled jerks who didn't get the expensive Christmas gifts they asked for.

The "Christmas rush" is over. The final, last-ditch hope for our flailing economy has come to an end. The gifts have all been purchased. The free-spending desperate trips to our nation's big box retailers have all been taken. And now, America asks itself: did it work?

"Police were looking for a motive in a shooting in which they believe a man dressed as Santa Claus killed six family members in a Fort Worth, Texas, suburb on Christmas day before shooting himself." It's not known whether this is connected to Santa's string of roofie attacks in Germany.

We know how it is on the morning of the 25th, when you tear into your packages, there is always at least one crushing disappointment. "How could someone buy this for me?!" Well, we're going to let you turn those awful presents into cash!

Christmas weekend is upon us, and if you're not already drunk you probably should be soon. But how? The Wall Street Journal's Wine section has some recommendations. But so do we! Try some of these great selections for a perfect holiday

Meet Jamie Granato. Lately he's been spending his days in a trailer parked on the side of a road in Greenpoint, peeing into a bottle and dumping it onto the street. His day jobs include running a record label and selling Christmas trees. Animal New York reports,

Carp Christmas! Nanophotonic Christmas! Fire Christmas! Pepper Christmas! Vitamin Christmas! Gene Christmas! Campus Christmas! Computer Christmas! And the all important Christmas Christmas! It's your Christmas Science Watch, where we watch science—it's almost Christmas!

Remember the awesome Halloween lights that danced to "Monster Mash?" Well, not to be outdone, this house has synced their Christmas lights to Katy Perry's "Firework." Amazing.

Happy Hanukkah, to one and all! Sorry — I mean happy holidays. Actually, no I don't. I mean Happy Hanukkah! Let your Heeb flag fly! Gorge on gelt! Lose it on latkes! Spin a dreidel once, watch it fall over, get bored, and go open a present! Hanukkah comes but once a year, and lasts a fleeting eight nights, so best to enjoy it while it's here. The annual lighting of the National Menorah took place on the White House Ellipse on Tuesday evening, with first-night torchbearing duties bestowed upon none other than Director of the United States Office of Management and Budget, Jacob J. Lew. Way to count those pennies for America, Jacob Jew! I mean Lew! I mean — wait, that came out totally wrong. Wow, would you look at that gigantic menorah! That's one big menorah. Don't think I've ever seen one that big. Yup. Real big ceremonial candelabra they're oilin' up over there. Real big. [Washington Post, Photo via AP]

Right now everyone is scurrying around and throwing elbows trying to get their last minute Christmas shopping done at an overcrowded mall. But what happens when you get all your gifts home? You have to make sure the packages look just as good as what's inside. Here are some simple tricks to wrap the perfect present.

Hark! Ye harbingers of consumer doom, the Kardashians, have released their 2011 Christmas card. Whereas last year's yuletide feat of airbrushed uncanny put viewers in a trance state, this year's card will make you go, "A-woooo-gah!" while pumping 3-D glasses back and forth in the airspace in front of your face. (Like so.) This year's KardashiKard comes three dimensions, you see. [Image via Kourtney Kardashian]

Are you hard-hearted cynic who hates Christmas? Perhaps you have not heard about the Christmas Miracle of 2011: The K-Mart Mystery Christmas Layaway Payoffs.