Newly minted Biggest Movie Star in the World Shia LaBeouf realizes the hard work he's got to put in to fulfill the awesome responsibility he's been handed with his high-profile role in the upcoming Fourth Installment of the Indiana Jones Situation; not only must he be sure his acting chops are honed to fine edge in order to earn his screentime with Hollywood icon* Harrison Ford, he must also transform his still-developing body to a level of beefiness comparable to that of his barrel-chested, sexagenarian co-star:

We've been waiting for the perfect moment to share the above, stunning, reader-supplied fan art depicting the CAA Death Star turning its particle cannons on ICM's inferior new headquarters (please notice the wonderful grace notes of the tiny Kevin Huvane and Jeff Berg photos adorning their respective fortresses), and given this morning's various reports on the evil agenting monolith's latest strides toward Hollywood hegemony, we might as well put it up now.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in like you mean it. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Drew Barrymore getting busy at the Golden Gopher with Henrik from Sweden's new arch enemy:

We suspect that the alleged rumor about a possible Fourth Installment of the Indiana Jones Adventures role that Calista Flockhart is attempting to control originated with an Extra reporter who suddenly ran out of questions about Brothers & Sisters after she exhausted, "So when is your new show on?", but we're sure you'll be comforted to discover (as we just did by reading the press release accompanying the above terrifying header and exuberant scare-subject-line: "EXTRA' Item - Calista Flockhart starring in "Indiana Jones 4"????") that the couple's age-inappropriate relationship will not taint prodigal movie star Harrison Ford's long-awaited return from the career wasteland he's been wandering in since the early 90s. Unfortunately, Flockhart's unequivocal denial of the rumor ("It's not true. He's way too old for me." So self-deprecating!) now threatens our favorite imagined Indy 4 plotline, in which the iconic, globe-trotting archaeologist embarks on a quest to retrieve the bread Jesus served at the Last Supper, a blessed carbohydrate that would allow his painfully skinny love interest to finally achieve a healthy weight.

For Harrison Ford fans who've generously looked the other way while the actor made a solid decade's worth of regrettable career choices (a creatively arid period occasionally enlivened by puckishly crapulent awards show appearances), today brings the news they've long been waiting for: George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have finally approved a script and Indiana Jones 4 will start shooting in June, allowing Ford to indefinitely shelve Doggy Door, the project he'd planned to topline while waiting for Indy to come together. In a statement heralding the sequel's emergence from nearly twenty years of development hell, Ford self-deprecatingly addresses the age issue:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, which we try to post several times per week. So before attending to any other of your daily matters, be sure to type those babies out and send them in. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let the world know about the time you spotted Brooke Shields, barefoot and snookered in the Trader Vic's parking lot.

· At the Rome Film Festival, Harrison Ford attempted to prove to the media that he's "fit" enough to play Indiana Jones again by bending over slightly and pointing at the floor, currently the most demanding stunt that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have written for their aging star.
· When life gives Emilio Estevez "put my fucking hot Russian girlfriend who speaks no English into this movie or I'm pulling out my millions and going home," he makes the kind of really wordy "-ade" that would complete this hacky joke construction.
Idolator says goodbye to the freewheelin', wantonly copyright infringin' days of the pre-Googlized YouTube with this emotional montage of the site's greatest hits.
Radar blows the f'ing lid off the celebrity dental imperfection retouching game. You will be shocked and amazed. Warning: close-ups of the inside of Julia Roberts' cavernous maw are included.
Which celebrity cares the most about the environment? Let's have a green-off and find out!
Don't go here if you think that seeing a picture of Tom Cruise tweaking his own nipple will give you nightmares.
· Yup, we know that Keith Urban is in rehab. Call us when it's Nicole Kidman and we'll try to care. (And abandon this completely farcical moral high ground about what dirt isn't worthy of our attention.)

Harrison Ford seems to have settled comfortably into his role as an elder Hollywood statesman, his once-handsome, now craggy face marinating nicely under 14 weeks' worth of stubble, and a far away look in his eyes that all but says, "I've paid my dues acting opposite everything from a giant slug puppet to Melanie Griffith. Now step aside as I proceed to get shitfaced in the lobby of this pointless awards ceremony." It's not hard to see, however, how unwitting security guards might mistake the screen legend emitting visible alcohol fumes for an area derelict looking for forty winks in the comfort of a noted television actress' luxury vehicle:

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Ed Harris weather the indignity of having to tell the airport limo driver holding the "E. Harris" sign that he's the guy.

The eating disorder repudiation is a particular subspecies of the larger genus of publicist-generated celebrity denial: A deathly thin actress will insist up and down that their frame has nothing to do with, say, their 17-calorie-a-day Sweet n' Low and olive diet, and everything to do with some convenient external factor ("I inhereted a freakishly fast metabolism from my Grammie Bea!") The excuses are almost always, pardon the expression, hard to swallow, and no one made more of them than Calista "I'm tiny boned!" Flockhart. Flockhart has finally fessed up that her skin-and-bones look from her Ally McBeal days was a result of—surprise!—constantly exercising and not finding the "time to eat":

It's a sad Friday around the celebrity-obsessed ghettos of the internet, as two of Hollywood's finest actors have launched a jihad against the online world. Today's Page Six reports that George Clooney (i.e. his angry publicist) has hatched a master plan to neutralize sister site Gawker's newly Google Map-enhanced Stalker feature (PrivacyWatch, we assure you, will remain untainted, since we assume that a good 40 percent of it is submitted by sneaky PR staffers anyway) by flooding it with fake sightings, a plan Clooney's evil spokesman has shared with his flacky peers:

· It's been a tough day for the new 007, who lost a couple of teeth, and then had some angry Bond fans with too much time on their hands launch an online jihad against him for his perceived failure to properly fill the iconic tuxedo.
· Harrison Ford on why he made Firewall: "I like to play a real person who has a real life and family. I just thought it would be a good movie for an audience to enjoy." We admire him for keeping the more personal reasons, like the rising cost of helicopter fuel and the fact that Calista Flockhart demands a new, solid-gold pony every day as a gift, to himself.
· Blogging.la got a nice facelift.
· TVGasm, as always, asks the tough questions. Today: What if your favorite informercial was actually about a penis instead of an amazing folding ladder?
· Kissing Madonna seems to have been good for Christina, but may have ended Britney Spears' career.
· The only thing cuter than gay Lego cowboys is the tiny sheep they tend. [via BoingBoing]

Instead of the usual, brief meditation on the oppressive drudgery of the coming work week, how about some positivity this morning? Find your nearest coworker, and while locked in a big bear hug, assure each other that this week can't possibly be as bad as the last.

· You make the (very tough) call: Which is the more important piece of gay cinema history: Jake Gyllenhaal's shirt from Brokeback Mountain or Vin Diesel's pants from xXx? [The Reeler has more charity auction fun.]
· Bono confronts the one living being who might not be completely bored with him yet.
· Hey, Harrison Ford, try not to sound so f'ing excited about the only movie sequel we really care about: ''I'd like to get it over with so I don't have to answer the god-damned questions [about it] anymore.''
· Mena Suvari may have met her own Federline, though with a crucial difference—her new boyfriend seems to be employed.

· Never mind what we mused about earlier; Harrison Ford seems to believe his career is going to get a healthy dose of Indy 4 pretty soon.
· We knew there was something too perfect about all those luscious, luscious sheep in Brokeback Mountain.
· Goldenfiddle did it perfectly in seven words: Glenn Close marries male version of herself.
· Today's mystery: If it wasn't Marilyn Monroe, exactly which dead blonde was James van Praagh communing with through those hair curlers?
· You make the call: face transplant or Mackenzie Phillips?

At the afterparty for Thursday night's premiere of Firewall, living legend Harrison Ford addresses young buck co-star Nikolaj Coster-Waldau: "Hey kid, hold my drink for a second while I go find my career. Haha. [beat] Don't laugh, it's not funny. I just needed a way to break the ice with you and talk about something important. You might be impressed with all these [gestures wildly to another part of the room] choc...o...late fount—fountains!—and the big wall of fire over there, but get over it quick. One day you're Han Fucking Indiana Solo Jones and the next thing you know, you're just protecting your family from a bunch of shit over and over... I said not to laugh, kid. You know what my next project is, besides getting out of these pants, why are they so goddamned tight?! It's called Doggy Door, kid, and I'm keeping my miniature pinscher safe from an evil kitten who can drive a tiny car. Get outta this business while you still can, I'm sure there are better jobs making—what are you, German? no?—industrial films about sausage factory safety or whatever it is you did before this. Gimme back my drink, I have to go punch and then hug my agent. I love that bastard. See ya around."

Who wasn't rooting for Virginia Madsen at last year's Oscars? Long exiled to the basic cable MOW crapheap, Madsen managed to turn all of us into nebbish, paunchy, wannabe writer losers in love with her rhapsodic Sideways monologues on the virtues of good wine. So when she was hand-plucked by Harrison Ford to appear opposite the aging, awards presentation-mangling movie star in his latest "my family's in peril and damn it I'm going to save them!" flick, we were all toasting her rapid gondola-unassisted ascent to the peak of A-list mountain. But then we read reports like this one:

· If Harrison Ford can avoid breaking a hip, we might yet get to see him play Indy one more time: "Yeah, sometimes I find myself getting into stunt pads and preparing to roll down a flight of stairs and wrestle some 26-year-old stunt man across the floor and think, 'What the [bleep] am I doing?' But, you know, it feels so good to do it, so I'll only stop when it really hurts."
· If this report about Britney Spears wanting to have another baby to strengthen her marriage is true (and that's a pretty big "if"), then we clearly haven't given her enough credit for knowing what she's doing with her life.
· Yes, now that you bring it up, we have been curious about what's been going on with Fred Savage's acting career!
· As it turns out, maybe Nellie McKay wasn't just screwing around when she went off on Sony a month ago.
· We had no idea that there were still any Planet Hollywoods, anywhere, but apparently the one in Toronto is shutting down for good.

· The WGA West elects Patric Verrone president and installs his entire Writers United slate, giving him "a mandate to follow through on the efforts...to organize animation, cable and the reality TV sector." Translation: There will be many more people to hold up picket signs for the strike in 2007. [Variety]
· Fox will donate 10% of the box office proceeds from the opening weekend of Roll Bounce to Katrina victims, and will screen the movie free before opening night at 80 shelters in the gulf coast, assuring that the refugees' basic human need for period rollerskating movies will not go unmet. [THR]
· Harrison Ford will take some time off between helicopter rescues to star in the Civil War drama Manhunt as the leader of search for Lincoln's assassin. For reasons that aren't entirely clear, Ford will play the character of Col. Everton Conger with a poorly practiced Russian accent. [Variety]
· My Name is Earl has a big debut for NBC, temporarily keeping the trap door underneath president Kevin Reilly's desk from opening and dropping him into a pile of the moldering bones of other failed executives. God help us all if Earl's success brings a new wave of even more incredibly annoying advertising. [THR]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Germans and CZJ Edition: Catherine Zeta-Jones signs on to star in Mostly Martha, the American remake of the German romantic dramedy Bella Martha. She will play a chef, whom we assume will have her icy heart melted by something or other as she learns the true value of love. [Variety]

· In telling USA Today about her new E! show, Wild On Tara, Tara Reid makes an unfortunate comparison: "You're going to see the people and the country and events and things we do. I feel like Willy Wonka, and I'm taking you into the chocolate factory. It's a classy show." Please, if you're going to tour Reid's chocolate factory, wear the proper protective gear. We'll let her have the last word: "When people see this show, they'll say: 'We've been picking on this girl for 10 years for no reason. She makes everyone around her have a good time.'"
· Cinemocracy scours IMDb for trivia about political movies and discovers that Hollywood once considered Kevin Costner and Harrison Ford virtually interchangeable. (Try telling that to their agents now.) Also, there are 95 "fucks" in Bulworth.
· We're not going to take this Paris Hilton impersonator seriously until she releases a copycat sex tape. This isn't a cocktail party, darling.
· Only our therapist can explain why we find StuffOnMyCat.com so f'ing, pants-wettingly funny.