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It's a sad Friday around the celebrity-obsessed ghettos of the internet, as two of Hollywood's finest actors have launched a jihad against the online world. Today's Page Six reports that George Clooney (i.e. his angry publicist) has hatched a master plan to neutralize sister site Gawker's newly Google Map-enhanced Stalker feature (PrivacyWatch, we assure you, will remain untainted, since we assume that a good 40 percent of it is submitted by sneaky PR staffers anyway) by flooding it with fake sightings, a plan Clooney's evil spokesman has shared with his flacky peers:

There is a simple way to render these guys useless," Clooney advised in an e-mail his publicist sent out to various other show-business publicists. "Flood their Web site with bogus sightings. Get your clients to get 10 friends to text in fake sightings of any number of stars. A couple hundred conflicting sightings and this Web site is worthless. No need to try to create new laws to restrict free speech. Just make them useless. That's the fun of it. And then sit back and enjoy the ride. Thanks, George."

After the shitstorm Team Clooney summoned from the internet heavens over the blog he didn't write, we're more than a little disappointed that the actor would allow his name to be signed to something so obviously written by a publicist desperate to protect the sanctity of a celebrity's right to eat a meal undocumented on a website. We'd call for a boycott of Ocean's Thirteen in protest, but we know that we're far too weak to resist the punch-in-the-arm, muss-of-the-hair chemistry between good ol' George and pretty boy buddy Brad Pitt.

And in an unrelated attack on the interweb by an equally famous actor-type, Harrison Ford (who, somewhat ironically, plays some kind of computer professional in the largely unseen Firewall—acting!) decries the internet's trash-disseminating properties:

"The worst thing about the internet is that anything and everything is up for grabs. How can that be, when I limit my public conversations to about once every couple of years? Any kind of rubbish goes on the internet and it can have a f**king life of its own."

We think that Ford's people can implement Clooney's diabolical plan—why not flood the internet with fake, public conversations dozens of times a day, thus rendering all ridiculous junket interviews completely useless? After a few weeks of this, no one will believe that Ford ever tainted his resume by cashing a paycheck for something as awful as Firewall.