New York in the summer: a place where people go to eat food, buy things, and do shit. Any number of websites will tell you how to achieve maximum fun potential from June to September, squeezing apple juice from the Statue of Liberty until the well has run dry. Why not let me explayn it to you instead?
President Obama says he hasn't yet made a decision about intervening in the Syrian civil war as a response to last week's devastating chemical-weapons attack. And if he hasn't, why would you have, especially since it's Labor Day weekend and you're trying to figure out how to grill scallops, exactly, like, just throw them on there, or what? Well: We're here to help. Here are four opinions you can have about the U.S. options:
There once was a ripped, huge-dicked, extremely attentive, highly organized young man from Australia who was frightfully eager to find the woman of his dreams (within a 50 km radius of his home). To that end, he drafted a 99 page guide (to himself, his life, his future wife; his quirks, his tics, his eleven-inch dick; his orgasms, his bed, his "Fat Cock Head") and emailed it to potential girlfriends in advance of their first date.
This Sunday, millions of Americans will watch two siblings square off, blood against blood, as they attempt to achieve the single most important goal of their lives.
If there is one national mystery we have not yet gotten to the bottom of yet, it is planes: What's up with them? They're so large, and yet they fly. It's a shady business. But Business Insider's Henry Blodget, the internet's greatest troll-savant and self-taught expert in anti-Semitism, has been on a few of them (specifically, two) lately, and he knows some things about planes.
Today, New York Times columnist and Nobel prize winning economist Paul Krugman wrote that President Obama should be "absolutely" prepared to mint a one trillion dollar platinum coin and use it to pay the government's bills. It wasn't a typo: a lot of people are discussing the trillion-dollar coin as a way to avoid a fight over the debt ceiling. But what is it? And why? And whose face will be on it? Here's our guide.
Comedian Katt Williams was once one of the funniest people on the planet. Now, he's in a very bad place. Yesterday, a judge in Seattle issued two warrants after Williams failed to show up to court there. This was just the latest event in a protracted timeline of highly ridiculous incidents, many of which have ended in Williams' arrest. Let's look at all that Williams has done to terrorize the West Coast this holiday season.
Odds are, at some point in your life you will have to break bread with someone you don't like.
Last week, we asked you to embark with us on a leisurely paddleboat ride down the river Nostalgia to help choose the best gifts who people who not only lived through, but, remember the 90s. You delivered like DOMINO'S (in under 30 minutes or it's free—until that guarantee was dropped in the '90s because harried deliverymen kept getting into car accidents).
Two facts are inescapable this Monday, November 26th, in the year of our Lord 2012.
With Black Friday a mere three days away (two, if you go by Target's definition of "Friday"), many people are already feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of leaving their homes, walking into a store, and purchasing the goods they find therein.
Every year, millions of Americans forget what is Sexy.
Power's been restored to lower Manhattan. Almost all the subways are up and running. New York City is lurching back to work today. Most of it, at least. In some sections of the city and the surrounding area — the Rockaway Peninsula in Queens, Coney Island in Brooklyn, several locations across Staten Island — the lights are still off, supplies are scarce, and residents and local volunteers are struggling to distribute aid. Here's how you can most effectively help.
While much of New York City turned to the tabloids this morning to read more about the Upper West Side preschoolers apparently stabbed to death by their nanny (who then turned the knife on herself), the real action was all happening elsewhere: at UrbanBaby, where dozens of superrich New York parents have been dishing out theories and advice for 18 hours.
There's nothing worse than owning a BlackBerry in 2012. At least that's the picture The New York Times painted today with its portrait of grief, "The BlackBerry as Black Sheep." We're not all as fortunate as one of the article's subjects, Nick Mindel, who is now making the upgrade to an iPhone 5. BlackBerry owners need some ground rules if they're going to keep these dreaded things around. This is the BBMB—the BBM bible.
Do you want to stop masturbating? It is, after all, "a sin," as 50 Cent informs us. Luckily, he also has a four-step plan to help you stop, free of charge:
