While much of New York City turned to the tabloids this morning to read more about the Upper West Side preschoolers apparently stabbed to death by their nanny (who then turned the knife on herself), the real action was all happening elsewhere: at UrbanBaby, where dozens of superrich New York parents have been dishing out theories and advice for 18 hours.

UrbanBaby is the 4chan of rich New York parents — a fast-moving, anonymous, and troll-heavy message board dedicated to yuppie childrearing — and it would be hard to invent a subject more perfect for its commenters than the tragic death of two kids at the hands of their nanny. But it's more than just car crash-style entertaining — it's also useful!

The UrbanBaby Guide to Protecting Your Children from Killer Nannies

Don't Hire Any Mexicans

(Yoselyn Ortega, the nanny, was from the Dominican Republic)

Get a Nannycam

Stay Away from Obviously Crazy People

You Can Never Tell Who's Crazy

Get a Background Check

Don't Bother With Background Checks

Don't Be a Working Mother

Really, Don't Be a Working Mother

Don't Be a Stay-at-Home Mom, Either

And if You Do Stay Home Don't Ever Hire a Nanny

In Fact, Don't Even Be a Mom

Don't Trust Your Husband

Don't Take Anti-Depressants

Give Your Nanny a Break

Don't Give Your Nanny, or Anyone Else's, a Break

I Don't Even Know What This Is Supposed to Mean

Most Importantly, Don't Read Urban Baby