Just in case you wondering, a thing called a "fecal transplant" exists, and saves lives. Like most terrible medical phenomena, we can blame poop transplants on Purell moms and the antibiotic-resistant "superbugs" they hath wrought.

Multi-billion dollar fashion conglomerate Jones Apparel Group has a serious sicko on staff. Apparently someone keeps leaving used tampons in the office hallway and it's become such a problem that a top exec is sending out company-wide emails about it.

A Queens woman claims two NYPD cops beat her last month for not picking up her dog's shit. She said that the pile they saw was "cold" and therefore not her dog's, so they arrested and allegedly beat her. [NYDN]

Just in time for Christmas, Beverly Hills' high-end Golden Triangle shopping area is under a relentless bedbug assault, and one entomologist describes the PTSD-like horror of dealing with a bedbug infestation: "There's a huge emotional impact that can't be underestimated."

A lot of bad stuff goes on inside Wal-Marts, but the company will not abide a man pleasuring himself in the toy aisle and wiping his hand on a toy lightsaber. William Tyler Black received a lifetime ban for this.

In 2003, Monserrate Luna boarded a flight in NYC headed to San Juan, Puerto Rico. When she bit into her chicken meal, she says, there was a lizard in it. She sued. We got a copy of her insanity-inducing deposition.

Old blue-blood Barbara Bush explained told CNN last night that she didn't hand her miscarried fetus jar to son George, as he wrote. That's not the New England way! Fetus-handling is the maid's duty: "Paula" handed George the jar, duh.

In this somewhat terrifying video, an expectant French couple watches as their unborn child squirms around its mother's womb. At moments one can nearly see a little hand clawing to get out.

Long Island nurse Erick St. Louis was arrested for allegedly stealing medical waste in search of Fentanyl patches, a potent cancer drug, which he would suck like "an artichoke" to get high. Then he'd dump the waste on a playground.

The caffeine-infused cultural phenomenon known as Four Loko will no longer contain caffeine, guarana or taurine, according to a statement last night from its producer, Phusion Projects. The company remained defiant, saying, "the combination of alcohol and caffeine is safe."

Manhattan borough president Scott Stringer has declared all-out war on bedbugs, and he wants Mayor Mike to step up "before it gets out of control." Stringer thinks bureaucrats are "studying" too much, and that it's time for a bloodbath. [NYDN]

Meet the Angry French Canadian. This epic 5,500 calorie sandwich includes a baguette made into french toast, a dozen eggs, bacon, gravy fries and an entire can of Maple Syrup. Who wants seconds?

America's foremost authority on juvenile titillation, Katy Perry, has a hot new music video for a song called "Firework." Can you guess what shoots out of her boobs this time?

Librarian Graham Barker has 22.1 grams of belly button lint in jars at his home. (It's all his own; don't worry.) Does this make him one of the grossest people alive, or does it make him a world record holder?

Today's Oprah Winfrey Show asked, "Are you normal?" and Winfrey had on Dr. Oz to discuss people's gross habits. What did we learn? Winfrey looks at her poop after going. Then, she and Oz popped a giant zit. Video inside.

Poor Greg Kelly had a bit of a coughing fit this morning on Good Day New York. His co-host Rosanna was very supportive... until she found out what he was actually choking on.

Two British men today face sentencing for running an illegal DIY online sperm bank out of a home basement, after a woman filed a complaint over receiving a supposedly anonymous donors full name along with a syringe of his sperm.

On last nights episode of Undercover Boss, CEO Kim Shaefer experienced life on the other side of her resort company. Already struggling, life got that much worse when a double whistle resounded, indicating the dreaded A.F.R.—Accidental Fecal Release.

America's only 24-hour Domino's Pizza, in Dayton, Ohio has rolled out a new item on its menu apparently targeting hungover college kids: the breakfast pizza. You can have eggs, sausage, ham and other greasy toppings added just before you vomit.

Today on Oprah, celebrities shared the jobs they would work if they weren't already famous. Tony Danza chose to be a teacher, Angie Harmon chose forensic science, and tennis star Serena Williams chose to touch the Queen of Daytime's feet.