Alleged Italian sex fiend Silvio Berlusconi, in an interview with opposition newspaper La Repubblica, says charges filed against him claiming that he had sex with 33 prostitutes at his legendary "bunga bunga" parties are "without sense." Why is that? Because, he told the paper, "even though I am a little brat ... 33 girls in two months seems like too much even for a 30 year old." But having sex 13 times with an underage prostitute, well, that's a different story.

Since likely presidential candidate Willard "Mitt" Romney is going to be the next Barack Obama, he needs to dress in a way that shows his unbreakable bond with America's youth culture. He's realizing that the blue blazer and slacks look might incorrectly pigeonhole him as a "square." But what to wear?

What's worse than sticking your hand down a public toilet? Gripping a shopping cart, apparently. A new study conducted by researchers at the University of Arizona found that of 87 shopping cart handles examined, 72 percent had markers for fecal matter. And of those 87 carts, 36 had E. coli. Just how bad is that?

Cimex lectularius experts gathered in DC earlier this month and, besides giving up all hope of eradication, came to a conclusion: "Bed bugs are not going away any time soon." Great. [via Daily Intel]

An ice cream shop in London has sold out of its "Baby Gaga" flavor, which is made with vanilla pods, lemon zest, and human breast milk purchased from a local mother. I love ice cream, but... no.

Possibly owing to nerves, a rotten school lunch, or maybe even a nasty vendetta against the girl in front of him, this kid simply cannot resist the urge to blow chunks on stage. Bravo!

The Wild Within's Steven Rinella found a dead raccoon on the side of a highway and brought it home to cook. Watch for the disgusted reactions of his dinner guests once they discover what they're eating isn't exactly brisket.

A lady in New Mexico received a yogurt sample from her local grocer. She recognized the flavor: semen. She spat the yogurt out and called the cops. Forensic evidence later revealed sperm cells in the lady's yogurt.

Babies! We all love cute little babies! You know who else loves babies? The Walt Disney Company. In fact, Disney loves babies so much that they've struck a deal to creep up on newborns and their parents in the hospital.

If your boss thinks a vibrator is an appropriate birthday gift, it's probably time to quit.

Don't use the bathroom at Duane Reade — someone might be watching.

Scientists in London took samples from busy ATMs and nearby toilets and discovered they have the same type and amount of bacteria. Either people are wiping with dollar bills or they aren't washing their hands. I'm sticking to credit cards.

Royal Caribbean cruise ship "Radiance of the Sea" had to delay its next voyage to Mexico after "a number of guests experienced some gastrointestinal illness." The ship is being scrubbed down in Tampa. It's another bad year for cruise ships.

"One of the top 10 most dangerous pests," a khapra beetle, was found at Los Angeles International Airport. Make sure you save the date.

Undersexed Captain Owen Honors will be temporarily removed as commander of the USS Enterprise while the Navy investigates his unsurprising masturbation field guide video that includes anti-gay slurs and odd shower scenes, a Navy source told NBC.

Haven't you always wanted to party at the Playboy Mansion? You probably can! Just know there is "a powerful whiff of urine" mingling with a "general scent of decay," according to Playboy founder Hugh Hefner's ex Izabella St James.

Holiday travel sucks, but at least a guy didn't masturbate in the seat next to you on the plane

A new study by the British Heart Foundation found that in the year 2000, the average British man was 16.9 pounds heavier than in 1986. The reason? Eating lots of shitty food and getting less exercise. You don't say! [BBC]

Rainstorms have caused 14 Hawaiian sewer pipes to overflow, at least four of which spilled into the waterway where the Obamas are vacationing. Hawaii has issued a "brown water warning." Will Barack Obama "man up" and swim in this poopwater?

When police in Arizona responded to a complaint of a man, "white and in his 50s" with his pants down and wiggling his hips in public, they found Michael Polley at his apartment door, still pantless and "immediately angry."