On January 27, the president of the United States will outline plans for pressing issues like the deficit, immigration, maybe global warming. The same day, the CEO of Apple will hold up new, expensive plastic gadget. Who wins?

This is what a keen male eye has posited in a post for T Magazine (the New York Times' snooty luxury fashion pub.) Well, to be fair, she says "curvy", not the f-word. But still... really? Let's consult some photos!

The president has finally tweeted. Barack Obama's first-ever personally-issued tweet concerned disaster relief in Haiti. It's a worthy topic for any sort of communications debut, so we're sure Obama wasn't trying to reward Twitter Inc. for spanking Karl Rove.

So those Golden Globes guesses we made? Um, not so accurate! As we watched Sandra Bullock collect an award and Downey Jr. sweep in there for a win last night, we started thinking: WTF does this mean for the Oscars?

Very rich Hollywood conservative Dennis Hopper is reportedly on his death bed. So what is his final wish? A divorce from his liberal, younger wife so she won't be able to contest his will. Now that's love.

In these times of economic woes and terrifying natural disasters, it can be easy to forget what really matters in life: Pretty dresses! So we here Gawker will, as a public service, be providing photos from tonight's Golden Globe awards.

Is Tiger Woods in sex rehab? And what the hell is sex rehab like? Montel Williams' kids miss him. Richard Gere can't pay his hotel's bills. Charlie Sheen's perfect smirk. Dennis Hopper's perfect heartbreak. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

At last night's Critics Choice Awards, the big moment came when, according to People, "Meryl Streep, Sandra Bullock Seal Tie for Best Actress with a Kiss." And Joe Francis wasn't there to make it happen? An investigation is called for!

Wyclef Jean has become the face of the Haitian disaster. He's there now pulling bodies out of rubble. But more indications are emerging that his charity, Yele Haiti, is not the best place for your money to go right now.

[The post-apocalyptic models in the Missoni show strut their stuff in the blue glow of Milan's Vittorio Emmanuele II gallery to kick off the start of the city's fashion week. Image via Getty]

After sleeping with all those skanks, Tiger definitely needed to get to a clinic, but the Pine Grove mental health facility center in Mississippi? Isn't that going a bit far?

Ever want to walk a mile in Ivanka Trump's Shoes? Now you can, because Ivanka Trump is about to launch a footwear line, to (not) be called Ivanka by Ivanka Trump for the Trump Collection. Trump! [Getty]

Thousands of young, impressionable girls move to Los Angeles hoping to make it big every year. Why did Ke$ha break through? And what does it say about us as a culture that she did?

Maybe being absolutely everywhere for the past year has caught up with Lady Gaga, who had to cancel a concert last night due to an irregular heartbeat caused by dehydration and exhaustion. Well, if exhaustion means "being on Oprah."

There's no doubt Wyclef Jean — who has raised $1 million since the Haiti earthquake — wants to help his homeland. But a look at his personal foundation's finances raises questions about whether it's wisely managing the donations it's collecting.

NBC has drawn the long knives and dispatched NBC Sports titan and former late-night guru Dick Ebersol—who produced Saturday Night Live during the Joe Piscipo years—to strike back at Conan O'Brien in a New York Times interview.

According to Nikki Finke, bald TV prick Jeff Zucker is so furious at Conan O'Brien's insolence that he's threatening to "ice" him and enforce the noncompete provisions of his contract, which would keep him off the air until 2013.

The Way We Live Now: Putting things in perspective. It works like this: we think our lives are fucked because of the recession. Then we contemplate Haiti's circumstances. A few minutes later we're like, whatever, it still sucks here, too.

[The handwriting on Anna Wintour's place card for the Eunice Johnson tribute luncheon at The Metropolitan Museum of Art yesterday is as tight, thin, and pristine as her famous visage. Image via Getty

We somehow fooled Jill Zarin, our favorite Real Housewife (from New York...with red hair), into interning for us on Thursday. She's used to having a publicist and other helpers, so what should we make her do now that she's ours?