At last night's Critics Choice Awards, the big moment came when, according to People, "Meryl Streep, Sandra Bullock Seal Tie for Best Actress with a Kiss." And Joe Francis wasn't there to make it happen? An investigation is called for!

Scandal! First of all, what kind of lackey awards show lets people get into tied awards? The kind that runs on the Friday night before the Shiny Balls, that's what kind. So they obviously need to spice things up! And people like People—and me!—don't have shit to write about besides Haiti and Jay Leno, so we'll take what we can get. In this case, HOT SEXXY ACTORS MAKING OUT. Which looked something like this:

So they didn't really make out at all. Which is too bad, because that would've been awesome.

If you want to know what a good awards show makeout-bomb looks like, it's something like this:

UP YOUR GAME, backpat-winners of Hollywood. The only reason any of us watch the Golden Globes are because we want to see you get shitface drunk and do wacky things, like make dumb jokes about not knowing who the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is, or make out, or call Cloris Leachman a "stank ass ho," since fun has all but been outlawed at the Oscars, which people watch to confirm their suspicions about Hollywood, and the Emmys, which people also watch to confirm their suspicions about Hollywood. Don't be that award show. Please.

[Photo via Kevin Winter/Getty Images]