[One of the overly-ornate, Na'vi-inspired hors d'oeuvres to be serving at the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences official New York Oscar Party at the Palace Hotel. We can't wait to see the Precious platter. Image via Getty]

Yele Haiti, Wyclef Jean's troubled charity, will get just $1 million, or 2.8%, of the more than $35 million raised so far by the Hope for Haiti Telethon that Jean co-hosted.

In our continued series of Olympic investigations, pure in-depth sports analysis, we wonder today: How does the thing happening in the above picture not kill you? You're traveling 70mph and landing on ice. Plus: pointy things!

Though Olympic fashion continues to revolve around flags and garish patriotic color, a strange undercurrent of hip infiltrated this year: jeggings-esque faux denim, a surfeit of plaid, and the world's most ironic mustache.

The week after Valentine's Day is boom time for Ashley Madison, the eHarmony of adultery. Spring may be for the birds and the bees, but the barren wasteland of late February is when husbands'n'wives get horny and start busting out.

The Olympics just keep getting better! (Right, Dash?) There's news today that Venusian Spaceship Admiral/figure skater Johnny Weir wants to write a figure skating tell-all. "I've got so much dirt that I need to get out of me." Titillating.

Tiger Woods is holding a press conference Friday afternoon. He's going to apologize, but it's probably more of an announcement of his return to golf and less of a confessional about all the Hooters waitresses he boned. [Image via Getty]

We have long been on the hunt for a glimpse of pop culture's Loch Ness monster: Lady Gaga's penis. Last night, she tried to display her vagina again to throw us off the scent. Good try, Gaga. Almost!

Alec Baldwin is hot right now. He is an outspoken Hollywood liberal beloved by the media and cultural elite. But in his private life, he's a bit of an asshole. What are we going to do about Alec?

Today in our continuing series exploring important Olympics issues, we turn once again to ice skating. Not the people of the sport — glorious frozen swans all — but to the equipment. Are skates the most dangerous thing ever?

Check out this stylish PETA lady totally messing up the dog show last night. (At least they didn't dress up like the KKK this year. Progress?) Security took her away and then Sadie was still the best dog. UPDATE: Conspiracy!

A coroner says that fashion designer Alexander McQueen, who died last week at the age of 40, committed suicide by hanging himself in his wardrobe. He also reportedly left a suicide note, the contents of which haven't been revealed.

[Someone walks across the snow-slicked sidwalk outside of Madison Square Garden during today's storm. Image via Getty]

Walter Isaacson's authorized biography of Apple's CEO will probably net the former Time editor way less than the $15 million previously reported. That's because Steve Jobs gave Isaacson the byline — thus reminding everyone his biographer last profiled Albert Einstein.

The person who filmed the death of Iranian protester Neda Soltan has become the first anonymous recipient of a Polk Award. Only the Pulitzer Prize committee can preserve the journalism priesthood now, by screwing the National Enquirer. (Via)

After six glorious days, the festival of incompetent flackery that was the "Harold Ford Doesn't Pay His Taxes" story is over. Ford's spokesman has finally told us, on the record, that Ford filed New York returns in 2007 and 2008.

New spokesman for the Swiffer family of cleaning products: Cesar Millan, better known as The Dog Whisperer. In case that went over your head, the "dog" is you. [NYT]

Blessed 68th birthday wishes to maniacal Elvis doppelganger and beloved North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il! While outside agitators allege that Kim's mental and physical health is flagging, we have official word that the truth could not be more opposite.

Bringing you the most important Olympics coverage on the internet, Gawker is investigating the mysteries of the games. Yesterday we discussed the Couch of Shame. Today: Why do the male pairs figure skaters have such big butts?

"Breaking," ha: be-hair-gelled governing robot Mitt Romney was totally attacked by a fellow patriotic American whilst in flight! Romney did not get all fucked up—or did he(??). What we know at this point: