Sweet Jesus. See this plexiglass tunnel surrounded by Dubai killer sharks? It sprang a leak and flooded. The shark tunnel flooded. One day after the killer whale killed the Sea World trainer. And the ants escaped. We are outta here.

Watching the silly drama unfold yesterday about disappointed skier Julia Mancuso's mean Tweets about teammate Lindsey Vonn, I started considering how the internet has played a part in these Hotlympics. And I don't like it!

[ Vogue editor-at-large André Leon Talley's mad hat got all the attention last night at the CW's press party for America's Next Top Model and High Society in Manhattan. Image via Getty]

She hasn't had a good song or a hit movie in years, and now her record label dropped her and the opening of her new movie has been repeatedly pushed back. It's official, J to the Lo. You're done.

If we learned one lesson from the Kevin-Smith-is-too-fat-to-fly debacle it is that we have outgrown our chairs. That's right, America, it's time for all new seating in planes, theaters, cinemas, and the like. Who should pay for it? Fat people.

During last night's short program, Tom Hammond noted that an American woman has made the figure skating podium every Olympics since Peggy Fleming. This year, that streak might be broken. That sort of ruins the Olympics, doesn't it?

The prickly editor of Vogue likes to start her meetings early, and kneecap you if you show up on time. So says Anna Wintour documentarian R.J. Cutler in his Huffington Post diary about filming The September Issue:

[Secretary of State Hilary Clinton throws some shade during NATO's Strategic Concept Seminar in D.C. today. Image via Getty]

Not to be outdone by wife Brooke Mueller, Charlie Sheen has checked himself into rehab as "a preventative measure." Sorry, Charlie, it's not going to prevent us from remembering you threatened Brooke with a knife. Also, Toonces did not drive him to treatment.

Anyone noticed we haven't heard as much about Haiti lately? A Nexis search shows us that US newspapers and wires have run 30% fewer "Haiti Earthquake" stories this week than last week. What could be replacing Haiti in the news?

Tiger Woods apologized to the parents of the kids his two-year-old goes to pre-school with, for all the paparazzi around the school. We're still waiting by the phone for our apology, for the overtime we devoted to the philandering golfer.

Last night we saw at least two sets of sibling Olympians, leading us to wonder (as we've been wondering things all Olympics long): Musn't families of multiple Olympic competitors be, like, really really intense?

Because all the slots for MTV's Teen Mom were taken, Levi Johnston's babymama Bristol Palin will act for the first time on ABC Family's pubescents and placentas drama The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Not type casting at all.

Though she's still not talking about who the (cough, Adam Dell, cough) father is, Padma Lakshmi gave birth to a baby girl on Saturday. She has the lovely Indian name Krishna. Get ready for a Top Chef baby food challenge!

Watching the brave dudes of ice dancing last night (jovial Agosto! dashing Moir!) and then considering the rowdy antics of snowboarders, we got to wondering: What is it like when two very different athletes meet in the Olympic Village?

We finally figured out why the Russian ice dancers thought they could get away with their brownface "Aboriginal Dance" routine: This year, everyone did racial drag. Americans in bindi. Germans in grass skirts. French cowboys, kimonos, "Hava Nagila," oh my!

Paris Hilton's mans and ex-mans got into a fight and hopefully punched each other in the face. Adam Lambert and Ke$ha sucked face. Susan Sarandon got puked on by a tranny. Hillary Duff: engaged. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

[Camera crews film the reactions of people watching Tiger Woods' press conference on every screen in a Manhattan restaurant today. Notice the absence of waitresses. Image via Getty]

Oh last night was a corker. The girls snowboarded and Julia Mancuso continued her silver rush, but mostly men twirled around on ice and we all clapped and swooned. Now that it's over, we're worried. Was it the best event?

Lisa Falcone—wife of hedge fund billionaire and NYT shareholder Philip Falcone, soft porn actress (Correction: not her!), and precious clueless socialite philanthropist—is being sued for allegedly beating and penis-grabbing and degrading her former gay butler dude. Hahahaha, wonderful!