Every few months, Newt Gingrich says that he might run for president, and he's taking it seriously. Now that a few months have passed, Newt Gingrich is saying that he might run for president, and he's taking it seriously.

Scientists say that athletic success is actually determined by the position of your bellybutton on your torso; genetic bellybutton location differences account for white dominance in swimming, and West African dominance in running. Standup comedians are pretty embarrassed right now.

After holding up financial regulatory reform several times to make it more big-bank-friendly, John McCain's enemy, Scott Brown, has finally agreed to support the bill. Its passage seems likely now, although some new asshole will start whining soon enough.

In your arousing Monday media column: Hugh Hefner wants to take Playboy private, new media editors at the NYT, Bill Hemmer's lies don't fool anyone, and screwed freelancers will not be screwed forever.

In a big, important new story in New York Magazine, lad about town Jonathan Van Meter writes about a thrilling New York trend. Chic boutique hotels — Ace Hotel, the Standard, the new Gansevoort — are now hotter than nightclubs.

Remember when Snooki and John McCain Twitter-flirted, revealing Snooki as a closet right-winger and McCain as actually taking the advice of daughter Meghan? That perfect storm has transmogrified into an interview wherein Snooki calls John McCain "really cute."

Bill Clinton has been everywhere recently! Drinking in the World Cup locker room, presiding at weddings, fixing Haiti. But will he go see an in-the-works opera, Billy Blythe, about his horrible, abusive childhood, when it hits Little Rock? [USNews]

During all previous recorded human history, small butts on women were preferred. But now people prefer larger butts on women, according to the crack buttock analysts at the New York Daily News. Again: fat-bottomed girls are attractive, which is new.

The Swiss government said this morning it will not extradite cinematic auteur and skeezy rapist Roman Polanski to the US to face charges of raping an underage girl in 1977. Said the Swiss justice minister: "He's a free man." [NYT]

Sales of Miley Cyrus' latest album "Can't Be Tamed" have been disappointing compared to her 2008 debut. Why? Her fan base of middle-school girls think she's acting too "grown-up" (read: slutty). And the fickle 12-year-olds have set us free.

If you have heard John McCain and Jan Brewer making hyperbolic claims of illegal immigrants kidnapping, murdering, raping, and beheading everyone and their brother in Arizona these days — their justification for the immigration law — then consider ignoring them?

Ticket sales for all the concerts in the country combined has dropped to a new low, and many big-name acts are under-performing. How could this happen? Maybe because all the bands are old and no one wants to see them.

[Artist Tony Tasset unveiled this alien-like sculpture of a giant eyeball in a Chicago park. Godzilla has already challenged it to a fight in the World Cup for Monsters. Image via Getty]

Remember last fall when celebrity chef Todd English left his fiancee Erica Wang at the altar and she later turned herself in on abuse charges? That was fun. Now English is finally talking about it.

Mel Gibson allegedly ranted against "wetbacks" on tape. Previous tirades include the N-word and anti-Semitism. Wouldn't it be nice if you could read every terrible thing Gibson has said, all in one place? Look no further. Updated with more quotes!

Shawn Chapman Holley has announced she'll no longer be serving as Lindsay Lohan's defense attorney. (Apparently LiLo replaced her with this lady, "who was just admitted to the bar in November," per TMZ.) Also, LiLo may soon lose another lawsuit.

[Dita von Teese models a Gaultier turban and mechano-skeletal corset contraption in Paris. Image via Getty.]

On Monday, the never-retiring Barbara Walters will make her first public appearance on The View since having heart surgery. Except it's not public, she'll be "Skyping" from home. Oh, when technology turns against us! Just take some time off, already!

It's been a long trip for Lindsay Lohan from semi-promising actress to expectant jailbird. But let's talk about what's really important: how she looks. Below, a timeline of Lindsay's descent from budding starlet to drugged-out mess.

January 2007: Lindsay goes to rehab for the first time and comes out looking like the pretty little princess we first met in The Parent Trap and Freaky Friday.

[Image via Getty]