Just when Al Gore's "crazed sex poodle" masseuse assault allegations were waning, the National Enquirer digs up two more masseuses who say Gore propositioned them. Or, more precisely, "pointed at his erect penis and ordered her, 'Take care of THIS.'"

Anna Wintour has been campaigning against the Jamaican restaurant Miss Lily's, which is hoping to open near her Village townhouse. The Vogue editor claims that because restaurant/club owner Serge Becker is involved, it's guaranteed to turn into a shitshow. Really?

Page Six hears that John Boehner has had to warn a cadre of Republican congressmen about being party pals with or flirting counterparties to lobbyists, due to the important upcoming election. Why does John Boehner hate fun with sexy ladies?

Last month, Gerald Marzorati stepped down as editor of the New York Times Magazine after seven years. Today, John Koblin dissects the reasons for Marzorati's somewhat abrupt departure. There seems to be something...between the lines, here.

After strip and cavity searches, LiLo is in jail—and all the inmates love her! Snooki contemplates her co-stars' jealousies. Jill Zarin dips a toe into politics. Wednesday gossip is cold at first, but it warms up fast.

A North Korean diplomat named Ho Ung was executed by firing squad "after the North Korean government found his talks among the Korean nations to be a failure." Talk about getting fired! No, but seriously, someone died. [NYDN]

The fabled Jersey Shore strike, which has inspired generations of labor activists, has finally ended. But not without cost: Angelina, crushed beneath the pitiless bootheel of capitalism, will not return. Truly, she is the August Spies of our time. [TMZ]

The Times of London, citing sources "close to the company," says that BP CEO Tony Hayward will resign before October 1, because everyone hates him, except for his family (probably). BP is denying the report. [CNN]

Everyone thinks Jennifer Aniston is a sad old maid, but there is someone who wants to tie the knot with her. Too bad it's a delusional stalker who just got slapped with a restraining order. Poor Jen: still so lonely.

As we speak, Lindsay Lohan is settling into Lynwood's Century Regional Detention Center. (With a new, smirking mug shot to boot.) How many days will she actually serve? How much will her first post-jail interview fetch? Join our betting pool.

Lindsay Lohan surrendered herself to a 90-day jail sentence today. Gawker intern Molly Fitzpatrick served as virtual court reporter, watching livestreaming video of Lindsay's arrival and court appearance and culling the highlights for posterity. This is her story.

When airport authorities in Mexico City noticed a strange bulge in Roberto Cabrera's shirt they decided to investigate. They found he had 18 rare monkeys in his pockets, and he wasn't happy to see them.

Facebook may have close to 500 million users, but it has one of the lowest scores on the American Customer Satisfaction Index, which ranks how people respond to certain companies. That means you like paying taxes slightly more than Facebook.

Sumner Redstone, the octogenarian boss of Viacom and CBS, would make a good mafia boss, as well. The Daily Beast's Peter Lauria published an embarrassing story about Redstone, and got the following unbelievable voicemail, demanding he reveal his source.

Lohan's day of surrender is nigh, and she has no lawyer and is tweeting sad little "eeeks." Oksana Grigorieva walked away from $15 million. Enrique Iglesias photographs his junks. Tuesday gossip is full of foreboding.

A new study indicates that foreign accents make statements seem "less truthful," possibly because accents make speakers more difficult to understand (strong accents seem even less credible). This is why no one trusts Heidi Klum. [Science Daily via]

If there's one thing that's wrong with the English language, it's that there just aren't enough words. Luckily for all of us, former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin invented a new one this weekend, and then compared herself to Shakespeare.

The cast of Jersey Shore, MTV's reality show about radical situationists, won't shoot new scenes until they get a better deal on their contracts, according to TMZ. Get up, damned of the earth! Get up, slaves of the hunger! [TMZ]

Oprah and Obama aren't going to Chelsea's wedding—they weren't even invited. Is the location an elaborate ruse? Could Bristol Palin be trying to upstage her? A guide to the most perplexing wedding of the century.

The New York Post's resident theater crone Michael Riedel writes today about "the Denzel effect," suggesting that since Mr. Washington won a Tony back in June, many Hollywood actors, especially black ones, have become interested in working on stage.