Kanye West confirms that a picture of his giant penis is real. Courtney Love is obsessed with her Wikipedia page. Lil' Wayne gets out of prison. Thursday gossip proudly lets it all hang out.

[This kid in San Francisco exercises caution while opening his Happy Meal yesterday after the city passed a ban on McDonald's putting toys inside the kids' meal boxes. Image via Getty]

[Barack Obama looked practically on the verge of tears today at a White House press conference. But that's what happens when your House gets taken away from you. Images via Getty. Click to expand.]

Today we were a little down about, y'know, all that election stuff. And so was Still-President Obama, who gave a too-humble speech about it. But screw that! It's time for tough talk. Luckily one commenter gave the President a script.

Scientists mapped notoriously drug-addled rocker Ozzy Osbourne's DNA and found genetic mutations they've "never seen before." Most of them are related to his tolerance for drugs and alcohol. There is still no scientific explanation for how he tolerates wife Sharon.

Baby-making teen role model Bristol Palin was too busy shimmying to vote: "I did not send in my absentee ballots to Alaska. I'm going to be in trouble. Sorry, mom!"

Facebook took time today to make a big announcement about iPhone coupons and new mobile sign-in partnerships. Then it quietly admitted it will take "months" to protect your Facebook account from being hijacked at Starbucks and other cafés. Great.

The GOP won its very own House! Now's the part where they throw their shit all over the walls. Here are the criminal enterprises, like science and community organizers, that the GOP will use its newfound subpoena power to crush.

UK regulators officially determined that Google broke the law big time when its vehicles "accidentally" slurped up passwords, emails and other private information while taking pictures for its "Street View" feature. Google must now vow to stop stalking people.

This morning we were greeted with a frightening sight. Duane Reade is already selling Christmas decorations. They're not the only ones. Stores across the U.S. are advertising holiday sales. You all need to shut up with this Christmas crap already!

In your non-political Wednesday media column: Cash Money books are coming, Newsweek's editor search drags on and on, the boss Moonie buys back the Washington Times, and Arianna Huffington and Robert Thomson creep, yeaaa, just keep it on the Twitpic.

Rapper Gucci Mane was arrested yesterday in Atlanta after an off-duty cop saw him driving recklessly in a white Hummer. Police later found Gucci yelling at someone in a parking lot, tried to subdue him, then pepper sprayed him.

Fans of Harry Potter are responsible for a recent wave of owl disappearances in India by taking them from the wild and keeping them as pets, says India's environment minister. That, and they're being used in black magic rituals. [AFP]

Is there anything better on Election Night than watching campaign workers and fervent supporters freak out? It's like a thousand Superbowls, all attended only by total dorks and elderly people. Come check out some of the night's best reactions:

[Photo via Getty]

Feeling a little burned by the election results? I recommend checking out these gorgeous shots of African animals, most of whom would be better House speakers than John Boehner. Especially the baby elephant! It would also be a cuter speaker.

A TSA memo shows that an officer at the Philadelphia International Airport was fired earlier this year after telling passengers going through a baggage screening that he'd found a vial of white powder in their luggage.

Politico's co-founder John F. Harris and senior editor Jonathan Martin have penned a lucid and reasoned Election Day lament cataloging all the horrible ways that they, themselves, personally, through their publication Politico, have disfigured American political journalism. Apology accepted, guys!

The Pew Center has released its tally of the most nationally covered candidates this election season, and guess who's No. 1? Some gal from Delaware who has magical powers. Maybe she used these powers to top this list?

Rumors about actor-director Eli Roth and perpetually naked scenester Peaches Geldof breaking up are gaining momentum. And here we thought the couple that writes angry blogposts to their enemies' mothers together stays together. No word from their publicists, yet. [Mirror]