It's been nothing short of a whirlwind for STG Chris Bernheisel since the bubbly, bribe-bearing Kelly Clarkson interpretist was introduced to the world on Tuesday night's episode of American Idol: He already has appearances lined up on TV Guide Channel's Idol Chat (where he'll meet the King of Idol Casualties Justin Guarini), and Access Hollywood "plans to fly him to L.A. soon" to talk hair product with Billy Bush. Still, the brass ring of famewhoring STG appearances so far remains out of reach, despite haven't now sent 71 videos to Ellen DeGeneres begging to appear on her show. We humbly suggest she take him up on his offer, before the next package winds up containing something far more oozing and Iggy-head-shaped than a relatively harmless videotape. [Reality Blurred]

While American Idol positions itself as the greatest singing competition in the history of the world—and, let's face it...It is! It really is!—it also performs a crucial secondary service for which it too often goes uncredited: Introducing America to the Small Town Gay .

An ABC News investigative report suggests the mainstream media has grown completely bored of the "Clay Aiken: Gay?" angle, and is now turning to all-new categorizations ending in the suffix "-sexual" to solve the mystery of the American Idol ejectee's true leanings. In a recent New York interview, Aiken again skirted the personal-life issue by saying, "I have got too much on my plate. I'd father [sic?] focus on one thing and do that when I can devote time to it, and right now, I just don't have any desire."

We must admit, for a reality show we initially wrote off as being pointless and shamelessly derivative, Bravo's Make Me A Supermodel has us by the throats. We'll watch some episodes two, three, 17 times. It's also the rare reality show we insist on watching alone. Go figure! With that surfer/D.J. creep Dominic sent packing by America last night, mumbling something about how ill-fitting shoes have cost him his shot at male supermodel greatness, we could finally get down to brass tacks:

It's hard to believe, but TV talk show host and scrappy-mutts'-rights activist Ellen DeGeneres is turning 50 on Saturday. (Also on that Day in Lesbian History: In 1913, Toklas and Stein discover the Scissor Sisters technique while on holiday in Marakesh!) To celebrate a life devoted to bringing unscripted laughter and the gift of aisle-choreography to the masses, the comedian has gone through the archives to share with Us Weekly some of the worst outfits from the past decades spent in the public eye. (Click here or the thumbnail for a closer view.) For you see, before discovering the custom-tailored Gucci tuxshedo, DeGeneres spent most of her time working the corner of Mullet Ave. and Fashion Nightmare Blvd., hitting style rock-bottom in a haze of high-waisted stonewash, bolo ties, and patterned linen vests.

The Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation has announced the nominees for their 19th annual GLAAD Media Awards. Our beloved Anderson Cooper is nominated for his story on gay homeless teens (and for being so dreamy). Odds on America's Favorite Mostly Closeted Anchor attending the ceremony slightly better than odds on Matt Cassel starting for the Patriots in the Super Bowl. [GLAAD]

From one Queer comic to another, Ellen, Margaret Cho wants you to know that she loves you. Adores you. She just refuses to do your show: "[B]ecause of the way that I was raised, because my political views are they way they are, because I believe that workers should have the power and the ability to make their lives better, because many of my close friends are the ones picketing, I cannot cross the picket line." Fine, Margaret. Take a stand—see if Ellen cares. No dancing for you! [HuffPo]

Demigod to the Gays Kathy Griffin, having only just recovered from her triumphant CNN New Year's Eve coverage, already has her next gig lined up, and it's about 10,000 times more fabulous than the International Insurance Adjusters Convention gigs she usually has to take to keep up with mortgage payments on her Hollywood Hills compound. Our pals at Towleroad report that Griffin has been appointed official hostess of Air New Zealand's Pink Flight—a journey via Boeing 777 from San Francisco to Sydney for their Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras celebration that's almost guaranteed to go down in flames. In a good way:

Her Rwandan mission of peace still in a holding pattern, reformed God-locator Paris Hilton has been biding her time lately with an appearance at The L Word premiere party. Sporting the dykiest brunette bob wig she could get her hands on at such short notice, she reportedly cozied up all night with star Katherine Moennig, the two downing shots and popping up later at a Hollywood restaurant "holding hands." It was a daring display that some rubyfruit mafia watchers are calling the boldest fake-lesbian-dabbling in pursuit of a part that they've seen in quite some time. [Planet Gossip]

Penelope Cruz is upping the ante on t.A.T.u.'s successful fame-grab by taking the whole fake lesbian thing and adding fake incest. The Spanish actress's brother, a rockstar aspirant, is attempting to launch himself onto the world stage with a controversy-courting video starring his two siblings, Penelope y Monica.

Well, that didn't take very long: The first new American Gladiator with a gay porn past has been revealed by our foam-baton -and- sandal-fetishist cousins over at Fleshbot. As he's described in his official website bio, Militia is a force to be reckoned with, measuring at "6-foot, 3-inch, 220-pounds," with "an impressive arsenal of skills at his disposal," including, but not limited to, the tennis ball cannon he appears to be smuggling in his shorts.

Without a major publication cover announcing some variation of the sentiment, "I'M GAY," it's sometimes hard to pinpoint the exact moment a celebrity has been outed in the media. Is it when they mention the name of their longtime companion in a humble and moving acceptance speech at an insular industry reception?

Beloved multihyphenate talent and recent lesbian-wedding-rumor target Queen Latifah stopped by The View today to promote The Perfect Holiday, giving panel moderator Whoopi Goldberg the perfect opportunity to find out what would make for an ideal Latifah Christmas. Offering up the four tried-and-true holiday F's of "food, football, family, and fun," Sherri Shepherd added, "and a fine man wouldn't help!" Although she quickly corrects herself, we're wondering if the noted flat-Earther/Jesus-firster's Freudian slip wasn't perhaps a more accurate assessment of just how low a visit from Hunky Santa comes in on the Queen's wish-list this year.

Having, like the rest of us, caught wind of a story circulating that Queen Latifah was finally going to make an honest woman out of her longtime personal-training companion, a Sun Times reporter at a junket for The Perfect Holiday gathered the nerve to ask the actress/torch singer/hip-hop architect whether the rumors were true:

News that Bravo's kissing reality cousins Dale Levitski and Jack Mackenroth are dating has spread across the internets like wildfire, conjuring heartwarming domestic scenes involving Dale asking Jack to taste his lamb jus, as Jack measures Dale's inseam for a pair of stripey trousers that will eventually find their way beneath the couple's shared Hanukkah Bush. Not everyone is wholeheartedly in favor of the union, however, as some fans have already registered concern that the openly HIV-positive Runway contestant might put the status-indeterminate Dale in danger, a matter Mackenroth addresses in a statement posted to his blog today:

Awarded with the Sherry Lansing Leadership Award at the 16th annual Women in Entertainment Breakfast Tuesday, Jodie Foster reportedly gave a moving speech, candidly telling the gathered crowd, "I've been working in this business for 42 years and there's no way you can do that and not be as nutty as a fruitcake." Among her many thank-yous, one got a reporter wondering if the veteran actress, so notoriously tight-lipped about her personal affairs and the significance of the "eternity ring" she never removes, had quietly come out to her working woman peers. From the LA Daily News:

The sprouting of a new relationship is always a precarious matter, so it's with a measure of reluctance that we pass along news that Top Chef runner-up Dale Levitski has found in Project Runway's Jack Mackenroth a comrade-in-hunky-arms—someone to curl up with on a bearskin rug on cold winter nights and exchange Padma/Heidi horror stories. Having unwittingly signed a contract that forced them to disclose every intra-network sexual liaison from now until death, Bravo's even-gayer internet arm (if one could even conceive of such a thing) Outzone.com has the saucy scoop:

We'll admit to not yet having been aware of Marcus Patrick, the prominently bebonered actor currently gracing the cover of Playgirl.

There's more A-list casting goodness for Gus Van Sant's Milk, the late-70s biographical drama about San Francisco's beloved openly gay city supervisor Harvey Milk, an American civics story that probably wouldn't have two major, competing productions in the pipeline had Milk and then-S.F. Mayor George Moscone not been shot to death at City Hall by political rival Dan White. Reports THR:

While we are romantics at heart, we're typically reluctant to note news about celebrity engagements unless they are triple-flack-confirmed and appear beneath a flashing "EXCLUSIVE!" sign in a reputable news source such as People or Entertainment Tonight. But MediaTakeOut.com seems so convinced that they can hear the faint sound of wedding bells on the horizon for one of Hollywood's most beloved glass closet dwellers, we felt compelled to pass the news along to you: