As of July 30, Britons will have the chance to win a baby through a scheme by the in vitro fertilization charity To Hatch, after the group was awarded a license from the country's Gambling Commission to sell £20 lottery tickets with fertility treatments, donor eggs or a surrogate birth as a prize, according to the Telegraph.

On Friday, the new owners of the Resorts Casino Hotel officially revealed their innovative marketing strategy to stimulate business and make the local townsfolk proud: fill up the place with scantily clad ladies, put on some naked circus shows, and improve the noodle bar.

Since last December, some dude named Don Johnson from Pennsylvania has been single-handedly beating the crap out of Atlantic City casinos. So far he's won over $15 million from just three: Borgata, Tropicana, and Caesars Palace. The Press of Atlantic City caught up with Johnson, and corroborated his claims with casino officials.

On Friday, the Department of Justice shut down the three largest online poker websites and charged 11 poker bigwigs with bank fraud, illegal gambling and money laundering. The online poker world has been thrown into turmoil, and hardcore players are being forced to go outside and interact with humans.

The world of online poker is strange, shady and more than a little depressing. So what better place to start our national online poker experiment than Washington D.C? Digital Hold'em is coming to D.C.

The dude who decided not to get in on his usual office lottery pool on the very day that it hit a $319 million jackpot is SPEAKING OUT and TELLING HIS STORY, so that even the most miserable of us shall be able to put a face to our "at least I'm not that guy" self-reassurances. His name is Michael Kosko, he's an I.T. worker in Albany, and he "didn't have two singles" to chuck in the pool that day. And he declined to take a $2 loan from a coworker. Bummer.

A group of seven state IT workers in Albany, playing in their regular office lottery pool, hit the recent $319 million Mega Millions jackpot. And then there was the eighth guy. The one who usually played, but...just had a feeling about this one. According to the NY Post:

Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has never filtered his words very well. And now that he's 11 days from leaving office, he'll say anything. He's unhinged! He'll even yell through clenched teeth at 60 Minutes' "idiot" and "simpleton," Lesley Stahl!

Cockfighting is apparently still huge in Texas, despite being illegal for decades and being extremely cruel and all that. The Texas Tribune tagged along with officers from Dallas Animal Services as they busted up a "medium-sized" cockfighting ring.

A masked gunman swiped $1.5 million in chips from the Bellagio Casino in Las Vegas early this morning before making his getaway on a motorcycle.

And another weird New York institution bites the dust: The Off-Track Betting Corporation, the state-owned horse betting business, has finally closed after years of threatening to do so. Fifty parlors were shut down and 1,000 people were laid off.

The U.S. State Department's green card lottery this year drew a record 15 million applications for 50,000 available green cards. Which means this lottery's odds are approximately 150,000 times better than the New York Lottery's odds . [WSJ]

A new study indicates that pigeons have an urge to gamble, and prefer to peck away at little pigeon slot machines hoping for a food-pellet jackpot over pecking a button for a guaranteed pellet. That's right: little pigeon slot machines.

One British online gambling firm, Sportingbet, has reached a $33 million settlement with the U.S. government. Another, Betfair, is preparing to float its stock on the London Stock Exchange. So get gambling! If you're a Brit, or an investment banker.

The UK tabloid News of the World has uncovered "the most sensational sporting scandal ever," after secretly recording a man accepting cash to have Pakistani cricket bowlers mail it in against England in the Lord's Test match. No googlies! [BBC]

Shocker: The company set to run the Aqueduct racino in Queens may have ties to the mob.

Barney Frank wants to legalize online gambling. Europe's already reaping the gambling tax revenues. California's debating legalized gambling, and so is Massachusetts. Table games are back in the Poconos, and they're popular as ever. Gambling! A financial utopia?

Many of you are probably asking yourselves: How will I make money in our jobless, dystopian future, in which the "normal" economy is dead? The answer: gambling, drugs, and cigarettes. Everything old is new again! For now.

The Way We Live Now: Resurrecting ourselves through gambling. You can win big money gambling! It's the quickest fix! First, outlaw begging. Then move welfare recipients into casinos. Then, sell the casino to private equity. Everybody...wins!

The Way We Live Now: Embracing the dark side. When evil is the only path to survival, then evil is the path that we shall trod. Whether that means stealing from neighbors, taking your livelihood, or wearing an ugly sweatshirt.