How did borderline crazy restaurant mogul Jeffrey Chodorow accumulate so much cash? And why are the lights kept so low at Kobe Club? Both questions can be answered in one fell swoop: he's cheap! The Choad was brunching at Sarabeth's recently, where he was overheard discussing Kobe Club, his much-maligned midtown steakhouse whose ceiling is covered in dangling swords. He was with some sort of interior design woman—and from what could be overheard, apparently Kobe Club is not at all holding up well. Among the complaints, the banquettes are threadbare and there's an "area of concern" near the raw bar. In what manner should all this be fixed? Said Chodorow: "Just do it as cheaply as possible. I don't care, just make it happen cheap."

Lockdown at St. John's? From the mailbag: "A friend of mine who goes to St. John's just sent me a text saying that someone wielding a rifle is being arrested right now on one of the quads at St. John's. Thought you might be interested before the crews and such go out. No one was shot or anything but students are being told to remain in the buildings until it's deemed safe to leave." Update: It was the Catholic university's Queens campus and "The man appeared to be wearing a President Bush mask, according to preliminary information from law enforcement officials." We love "appeared." Or maybe it was President Bush??? [WNBC]

Eric Schaeffer, the world's worst man, the man who cannot understand why no woman will marry him, the jerkiest jerk in jerk town, is on his book tour to support his opus, "I Can't Believe I'm Still Single"! Our Special Correspondent For Sexy Midwest Trends report things are going poorly: "I just walked through the Barnes and Noble on the first floor of my office building in Chicago (it's the DePaul University book store) and Eric Schaeffer had just finished reading to a group of about ten people next to the revolving doors. I noticed one large-breasted, blonde gal (very fake looking) and a ton of dudes who looked exactly like him. It looked like a really awkward event." Hey, by the way, have you ever looked at his book's page on Amazon?

On Thursday night, Mariah "Sparkle" Carey showed up at Graydon Carter's Waverly Inn. But when the paparazzi magically materialized for her, the regulars turned vicious.

Great news, via press release: "VH1... redefined the music video experience when it premiered its on-air sensation "Pop Up Video" in the mid 90s. Now, beginning today, VH1 Mobile launches a new made-for-mobile version of the hugely popular VH1 series. Just like its on-air counterpart, "Pop Up Video To Go" displays "info-nuggets"—graphic factoids that 'pop' onto the mobile screen during music videos, giving viewers inside information, trivia and video production facts about their favorite artists and songs." Even better news: Users will receive random, unsolicited texts from "Pop Up Video" creator Tad Low telling them just how brilliant and misunderstood he is!

From the mailbag, we learn that Michelle Williams is still working through the pain of her breakup with Heath Ledger—now she's in the dangerous "wild Williamsburg nights with her daughter's godmother" stage. Says a stalker: "Went to the Modest Mouse concert last night and after proceeded to go to Enid's diner, a local bar and hangout that attracts the likes of hipsters, skateboarders, etc. [Ed. Note: Indeed.] As we were going out the front door to smoke I caught sight of Michelle Williams sitting with a group of friends including Busy Phillips, former castmate on "Dawson's Creek" (Joeys college roommate) sitting at the corner table near the entrance. Michelle looked very tiny but very cute with her pixie brown hair. Busy Phillips was a slut and made out with my friends ex boyfriend. Other than that they were pretty cool."

"IMPORTANT NEWS! SHOULD BE COVERED! We here at The Daily Reel are noticing a serious Blackberry outage in terms of receiving email. Is this industry-wide or just central to the Sunset Strip? And WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?" Anyone? We don't have Blackberries because we're not allowed to ever leave our desks, but has life in Hollywood suddenly come to a standstill because of a tragic mobile e-mail outage? Let us know if you see any agents out for a late lunch lighting themselves on fire out of anguish because their inboxes haven't seen any action for a couple of hours.

Yesterday we wondered if the prostitution industry still has a presence on 42nd Street. If one of our readers is to be believed, it does! Bonus seventies nostalgia included free!

From the mailbag, a Facebook-loving reader sends this screenshot and writes: "One of these things is not like the others... do you think there's any correlation between #4 and N.Y.U. being back in session?" Yes.

From the mailbag: "You know what I would pay good money for? A 120-page history of the Bush Administration written by Ken Layne—his just-the-facts history of the past seven years." Now that is actually a best-selling idea. Plus he'd have the manuscript done by this Labor Day! See here:
George W. Bush Wishes New Orleans a Very Happy Katrina Birthday [Wonkette]

From the mailbag: "You may or may not care to know that [New York Times reporter] David Carr was the guest speaker at NYU's J-school orientation today. He was charming in an old-guy-who-references-Clap-Your-Hands-Say-Yeah sort of way and delivered an optimistic spiel about sticking it to the old guard and shaping the future of media. Needless to say, the kids ate it up. As for me, I began to rethink grad school entirely. I thought I was here so that I could eventually get paid a ridiculous sum to write mindless blurbs for Conde Nast mags. Everyone else was so damn earnest. What the hell? For a moment I wondered if maybe my priorities weren't in order, but then I squashed it and started to think about which one of my classmates I'm going to sleep with this semester." Maybe the kids are alright!

From the mailbag: "If they had a badge for sexual abuse, everyone would be an Eagle Scout." [CBS/Raw Story]

From the mailbag: "Something 'big' is said to be about to be announced at WSJ later today — maybe in an hour or two. Things are reportedly "quite odd" in the offices." Our guess is that new daddy Rupert Murdoch is going to waltz in and eat Journal editor Marcus Brauchli, but we're open to better inside info.

From the mailbag: "Not sure if you've heard yet but the Hilton on 6th and 53rd is spewing bubbles from the roof. I work nearby and we are assured it isn't dangerous, but the result of a massive window washing effort. The pic might not be of too high quality (camera phones all suck) but the view out my window is pure craziness."

"I was disgusted and confused when I saw someone put hot sauce in his Pabst can at Union Pool last night. When I asked him about it, he said something about taking the edge off the bad taste. Whatever keeps your facade of irony intact. Was there a Styles Section trend piece that I missed?"

"Bob Butler was just on NPR's Day to Day, discussing the email he wrote to his graduate students regarding his divorce and that email's subsequent appearance on Gawker. He was pompous and self-important to a degree that nearly did damage to the speakers in my car. The only quotes I can remember accurately was his referring to the comments on Gawker as 'vicious' and 'cruel' and 'a circle-jerk of self-righteousness.'" Ooh, it's online, you can go get berated in stereo!

Regarding Julia Allison: "Please stop writing about her. She is dull, dull, dull, dull. Thanks in advance!" And another! "Please just fucking stop it already. Thanks." And more! "Could you guys do an intervention or something? It's kind of gross at this point."

"Michael Cader just spoiled Harry Potter in today's Publishers Lunch. Then sent out a follow-up "lunch" to say Don't read it if you don't want to know. Uh, except I fucking read the first one."

New York Sun publisher Seth Lipsky apparently took some time away from his busy schedule of accusing everyone of anti-Semitism to demand that all male interns attend work in a suit and tie. Aww, it's 1940 in his mind!

A memo! "Today we received a letter at the offices of Good Morning America at 147 Columbus Avenue that mentioned anthrax. We immediately notified the NYPD and they are investigating the situation. Out of an abundance of caution we closed down the area around the office and are awaiting additional information from authorities. As we have more information we will provide an update via email."