A new UN report finds that insects, our six-legged friends, could help solve world hunger — if only we got over ourselves and started eating them.

It must be said right up front: coffee is a utilitarian beverage that exists mainly to wake you up. Therefore, treating coffee as some delicate wine-like treat that can only be appreciated by a select group of gourmands is absurd. Or is it?

When "fast food" was invented back in the 1950s or whenever, we were cautiously optimistic. A ground hamburger patty and french-fried potatoes served in less time than it takes to raise and slaughter a cow, plant a field of potatoes, and build a fire? Sure, why not? But today it seems that Americans have forgotten how to take their time with their food.

America's most popular child-rearing consortium, the Coca-Cola corporation, declared today that it is taking a slew of new measures to make sure that you and your children do not turn into a bunch of walking diabetes bombs, courtesy of Coca-Cola products. Seriously, this is the last thing Coca-Cola is going to do for you, okay? Take some fucking responsibility, for chrissake.

There’s only one thing modern day humans want to do and that is take flat circles of dough, layer them with sauce, cheese, and two helpings of pepperoni sausage, and then stuff them into mouths by triangles. We are pizza-crazy pizza monsters and we cannot get enough pizza. "I love you, Mommy," whisper our kids, as we tuck them into bed at night. "I...pizza," we respond.

Today is a special day, because today is the day that you learn of the existence of the "2012 Sandwich Consumer Trend Report"—a real report, about trends, among consumers, regarding sandwiches. Right this moment, bits of sandwich are flying from your lips as you exclaim aloud: "What are these 2012 sandwich consumer trends??"

The latest terrible fake food scandal from China resulted in more than 900 arrests after criminal meat processors sold the chemical-soaked flesh of rats and foxes as "lamb meat." As more Chinese demand a daily supply of dead farm animals as food, crafty criminals are butchering and processing anything that moves.

New York elementary school P.S. 244 has become one of the first in the nation—and the first in New York City—to give students an all-vegetarian lunch menu. Was it the feces-covered turkey burgers that put them over the edge?

Consumer Reports' first-ever thorough lab analysis of raw ground turkey meat and patties discovered that more than half the packages tested positive for fecal bacteria. So much for that "healthy" turkey burger, huh?

Margot Woelk now admits she spent two and a half years as Adolf Hitler's personal poison-detector. While other Germans subsisted on bland rations, she sampled the Führer's fresh vegetables and pastas in succulent sauces. Easy gig, if you didn't mind the constant chance of death, or the cascade of horrors that went with the falling Reich.

Recently, a woman named Christina was asked to babble about her food fetish at a taping of Steve Harvey. Christina, who talks like a mama grizzly but eats like Yogi, started off by saying, "Welp, food excites me, and I mean it excites me." You see where this is going? She's talking about downtown.

A new study published in the British Medical Journal concluded that reducing salt intake by 50 percent per person could prevent 100,000 premature deaths a year in the United States.

According to Zagat, "'Sharing" is the thing at this "rustic" bi‑level Villager," but an Alta pastry chef might have shared a little more than diners asked for at the pricey tapas restaurant.

The human race: We're reportedly eating more meat than ever, thanks to exploding populations in Brazil and China. You know what else we're nomming on these days? Kleenex, bitches! The recently ousted editor of Vogue Australia has penned a memoir that's intended as a fashion-industry tell-all, but sounds like it's chock full of pointers for aspiring eating-disorder-sufferers. She recently shared her top horror-story-that-sounds-ominously-like-a-dieting-tip with Entertainment Tonight:

If your Facebook feed wasn't busy being filled with some rant or another on either side of the gay marriage argument this week, your liberal friends might have been steaming about the so-called "Monsanto Protection Act," more precisely known as Section 735 of HR 933, a spending bill signed into law by President Obama on Tuesday.

Dataspin, a weekly data visualization column on Deadspin, makes occasional appearances on Gawker.

America, a nation composed primarily of suckers, is always ready to fall headfirst for this or that new "health trend." Some are outright scams, while others are merely true facts that have been manipulate to render them indistinguishable from scams in practice. Behold: protein.

In a move that is predicted to tip the balance of power in the entire U.S. fast food industry and spark an advertising war between top players that could cost hundreds of millions of dollars, McDonald's is set to roll out the "biggest launch of 2013," which will reach into every corner of American dining culture: some chicken wrapped up in a tortilla.

Whole Foods, spurred on by recent concerns and scandals about what is actually inside of the things we eat, has decided to start labeling foods that have been genetically modified by 2018. While it's unclear whether this will lead to a larger practice of this type of labeling in the industry, Whole Foods Executive Walter Robb felt that "this is an issue whose time has come."

Say whatever nasty things you'd like about chicken-fried bro-chef Guy Fieri and his loathed Times Square feed trough, at least it hasn't made dozens and dozens of people violently ill like the best restaurant in the world.