It's a big day: there's a new recipe for orange pie. This could really help a lot of people.

The "Chipotle for pizza" is coming soon. Eh. Let's wait for the Chipotle for falafel before we get all excited.

If this man's company takes off, future food-labeling scandals won't involve horse meat, but meat made with 3D printers.

Swedish meatball purveyor Ikea confirmed this morning that it was the latest in an ever-increasing number of European companies to get caught up in the continent's horse meat scandal.

Meat! Think it's just about dead animal flesh, hacked and ground and processed with ever less "natural" flavors and preservatives? Well, I guess you know everything, don't you? No you don't. There are still more secrets to be revealed, about America's obsession with nasty meat.

This horse meat scandal is sweeping Western Europe and quivering even the stiffest of upper lips in Britain. Some people are concerned that the horse meat in their microwaveable pasta dinners may be tainted with an equine anti-inflammatory called phenylbutazone, which in huge doses can cause health risks. But let's get real: Most people are just grossed out at the thought of eating horse meat instead of cow meat. That's stupid.

Hello, it is time for "Hey, Science," our nauseatingly scientific weekly feature in which we have your most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, which will be our downfall. This week, medical experts answer the question: Can you eat your own poop?

Want to live longer? Pathetic. Your slavish determination to cling to mortality at all costs marks you as a weak and sickening little character. Anyhow—have we got a long life secret for YOU! Stank breath.

Nestlé has issued a voluntary recall of some packages of LEAN CUISINE® Culinary Collection Mushroom Mezzaluna Ravioli and Glass Shards, after three customers reported finding shards of glass inside their slimy noodle pockets.

Over the course of her twenty-six years on Earth (version C), Lindsay Lohan has learned that she is bad at many things. She is bad at not breaking the law. She is bad at managing her temper. She is bad at Liz Taylor.

The ongoing American obesity crisis has doubtless had a negative impact on our nation's health, appearance, and collective long-jump ability. And that's not all: it's also actually making us dumber. The latest evidence is irrefutable.

Do you own a dog? Is your dog's name "Ranger?" Why not? Do you sometimes—because you love Ranger very much—go to the special pet store and buy him special, more expensive "Science Diet" dog food that is scientifically formulated to be food, for dogs? You monster. You're feeding your dog science? How is that even natural?

New government guidelines for snack food in schools: not too strict. Nutri-Grain bars are the new Snickers.

Well it looks like your vegetarian friends will be bitching about the eggplant parmesan at your post-funeral lunch too, because they're definitely out-living you.

Certain things cannot be borne. There are limits to what the people will put up with from its news outlets, and the Times' recent attempt to trick us all into eating celery goes beyond the confines of human decency.

Today, the New York Times ran a story titled "Restaurants Turn Camera Shy," about the push back against the now ubiquitous act of diners taking photos of their food. As one would expect of a Times trend story about frivolous bullshit, no one profiled in the story comes off as sane and/or respectable. But who's the worst? That's for you to decide. Here are the candidates:

Let's examine this issue calmly, one step at a time. People invented pickling thousands of years ago as a way to preserve perishable foods. The preservation comes from acidity. That's that classic sourish, pickly flavor. Americans consume more than 20 billion pickles a year. Most of those pickles are dill. Dill pickles are the most popular kind of pickles.

The best thing about Golden Globes night is that it provides dinner to a roomful of stars who otherwise could not afford to feed themselves. The celebs sit smushed elbow-to-elbow at round dinner tables and the International Ballroom of the Beverly Hilton looks like an Olive Garden the ad sales department has rented out for its 2003 F-ad-bulous Employee Recognition Dinner. Also everyone gets wasted, which is great for .gifs.

MONROE, Louisiana—Avid Gawker reader and pie aficionado Mr. B.T. writes us today with news of a most provocative nature: his family's holiday table was graced this year by a decidedly untraditional pie—pie of the orange variety.

Today comes the most shocking and demoralizing report on the evolving taste of the American consumer since we discovered that kids these days are sellouts: Americans, it seems, now consider themselves to be "too good" to drink milk—despite clear evidence that it does a body good. Shall we just shoot mom and poison the apple pie next, to get it all over with?