A professor who has been teaching conspiracy theories for 13 years and spreading false theories about the 2012 Sandy Hook shooting is finally facing termination at Florida Atlantic University.

What’s the deal with DMVs, am I right?—is probably what this remarkably tenacious woman would be saying if she wasn’t busy kicking the shit out of this particular DMV’s resident cop.

Life is art, except when it’s not art.

Here’s a lovely update from The Tampa Bay Times in its writeup about the Donald Trump rally in Sarasota, Florida on Saturday:

Nouman Raja, the Palm Beach Gardens police officer who fatally shot Corey Jones in October, has been fired. A criminal investigation into the shooting is ongoing, according to a Palm Beach Gardens spokeswoman.

The higher education community is aghast today at news that no one expected to hear: a dumb idiot in an unlikely position of power has proposed a stupid regressive anti-intellectual idea—in Florida.

A prize show horse expected to compete in the Grand Prix this year met a gristly end this weekend when “professional” thieves stole him from his stall and carved him up in a nearby field leaving behind just a “ribcage, neck and head” for his owners to find.

The family of a black man shot and killed by a Florida police officer on Sunday have, according to the New York Times, reportedly been told by prosecutors that Corey Jones, whose gun was found on the ground near where he was shot, never fired his weapon before his death.

Early Sunday morning, NBC News reports, a plainclothes police officer in an unmarked vehicle shot and killed Corey Jones, a black man, off Interstate 95 in Florida.

Fatal gunfire broke out during a zombie-themed street festival in Fort Myers, Fla., Saturday night, the Associated Press reports.

When police arrived at a Jacksonville, Fla., birthday party Wednesday in search of Ryan Bautista, the 34-year-old fugitive and his beau engaged them in a 6 1/2 hour standoff before they were taken into custody. The reported reason? They wanted to make sweet love to each other one last time. Awwwwwww!

On Saturday night, a Florida woman broadcast her alleged drunken driving escapades onto Periscope, Twitter’s live video app. “I am drunk,” Whitney Marie Beall said at one point. “This is horrible!”

Just before puking and just after allegedly crashing his car into a house, Florida resident Reliford Cooper reportedly told the police arresting him on DUI charges that he was not the person driving his car. In fact, Cooper said, a person wasn’t behind the wheel at all. “My dog was driving that car,” he said, according to WFTS.

According to the Guardian, there have been at least 1,000 mass shootings in this country Sandy Hook, the bloody milestone having been passed in Inglis, Florida, just a few hours after Chris Harper Mercer killed himself and eight other people in Roseburg, Oregon.

Four years after one of its principals hypnotized dozens of high school students, three of whom died within days, a Florida school district has agreed to pay $600,000 to the deceased teenager’s families.

Augustus Sol Invictus, Floridian former lawyer and current Libertarian candidate for Senate, once described himself as “of genius intellect,” “God’s gift to humankind where the English language is concerned,” and “everything you ever wanted to be.” Critics describe him as “a self-proclaimed fascist” and “absolute insanity.” One time, he killed a goat and drank its blood.

On Tuesday, a Florida judge decided that the case against Matthew Apperson, who allegedly tried to kill George Zimmerman in a roadway shooting this May, will go to trial. According to Reuters, Zimmerman testified today that he saw Apperson and the barrel of a gun and then heard “a bang and a ringing in my ears.”

Say you’re a wild raccoon and you want to use the Precious Moments-esque saucer eyes you’ve been gifted with to trick a human into feeding you regularly. You could pick just anyone, or you could be efficient and choose a hippie who will let you walk all over her (or in this case, roll a stone over her glass door for sometimes hours at a time, causing physical damage to her property). What do you do? If you’re the wily motherfucker above, you go with the hippie and you roll your way to viral fame while eating the profits.

Early Sunday morning, police responding to a call from a Sunrise, Florida, apartment found a 24-year-old man crying on his bathroom floor next to his girlfriend’s body. He was surrounded by both the woman’s blood and her “body tissue.”

“Beach goers enjoy a day floating with their dogs at Haulover Beach Park, Sunday, Sept. 20, 2015, in Miami Beach, Fla.,” the caption to this photo, taken by the Associated Press’ Wilfredo Lee, reads.