During discussion of controversial issues on abortion and fetuses Wednesday, Republican leaders of Florida's Legislature sent all of the House's teenage pages out of the chamber, and they weren't allowed back in until debate opened on the next issue: guns.

An Orlando man who was pulled out of an apartment fire Sunday night said he had been trying to burn the bugs that infested his home and computer, the Orlando Police Department reported.

The Republican leader of one of Florida's most populous urban centers was asked this week why his party was faring so poorly among voters in the area. His answer was that government-loving "semi-socialist" Puerto Ricans are moving in and changing things for the worse.

If you're a washed-up one-term Tea Party congressman and you're writing a soon-to-be-bestselling jeremiad on dirty libruls, here's a pro tip: Don't use a bunch of fake "founding fathers" quotes from the footers of your Ayn Rand reading group's email threads.

A desk clerk at a Tampa Bay apartment complex for seniors nonchalantly disposed of the body of a resident who'd jumped 16 stories to her death Tuesday night, mistakenly thinking all along that her corpse was a mannequin left from an April Fool's prank.

A Florida man hated his job so much that he staged a fake break-in at his house and called the police so he would have an excuse to say home.

Jake Rush is a talented young lawyer who's trying to unseat an ornery old tea party congressman in Gainesville, Florida, this year. Chazz Darling is a dark vampiric gamer with a penchant for rape fantasies. Also, Jake Rush is Chazz Darling. Chazz Darling is the new Carlos Danger.

The Florida driver caught on video getting "instant karma" when he crashed his truck right after tailgating a woman and flipping her the bird has now received regular-speed karma, too. He's been arrested.

Florida Man might take over the Westboro Baptist Church. The circle is complete.

A Florida family armed with baseball bats trapped a burglar in their bathroom Saturday night, after catching him attempting to steal laundry, towels, and a little girl's panties.

We have a trend, people. A horrible trend that must stop trending.

Police in Gainesville have a new aid in the search for a man who's peeing on women near the University of Florida campus: a sketch of the perp that resembles a hoodie-wearing Cabbage Patch Doll, or a castoff Mr. Potato Head, or a racially fraught vaudevillian Muppet.

Daniel Allen Noble of Flagler County had the "Uzi-style" assault weapon. He had the ammo. He had the bandanna and blades and the look of a badass. He had some patrons of the Europa Lounge in his sights. And then he had his ass handed to him by some burly Slavic bar-goers.

There's never enough time or space to give him his due. Here's all he's been up to:

Good for him.

"ME: Married, with a Boca Raton trailer, a Klan flag, a Confederate flag with a skull, a 'members wanted' sign, and a lovely wife, ISO same. Had a noose, but uppity neighbors made me take it down. Are you my white-horsed grand knight in shining hood?"

People down here in America's dongle like driving. And drinking. And apparently, driving off the buzz from drinking at home on your way to drinking at the bar.

Tony Panzino was losing his panties, and he wanted to know why.

An ill widower outside Orlando died after he was taken off life support at the behest of his stepbrother. Only the "stepbrother" turned out to be a mere acquaintance who cleared out the dead man's house and took $106,000 from his bank account, according to a new investigation.

A Key West man recently made a fairly common mistake, telling police officers that he shouldn't be arrested because pretty much everything is legal in Florida.