Oscar the fish teaches the house cat a valuable lesson: Never underestimate your opponent simply because he has no arms and can't breathe oxygen that has not been extracted from water.

"Did a 'Sea Monster' Wash Up on a South Carolina Coast?" asks KSEE News 24. Then they answer their question: "A South Carolina aquarium vet quickly dispelled this belief, identifying the freaky fish as a very large sturgeon." Bummer. [KSEE24]

"Researchers hoping to better understand fish distributions by recording the sounds they make have picked up something unusual: barely-audible, cricket-like noises they think could be nighttime fish farts." In Tampa Bay, as you probably guessed.

A complete list of all the living animals the Romneys may have strapped to the exteriors of cars:

Carp Christmas! Nanophotonic Christmas! Fire Christmas! Pepper Christmas! Vitamin Christmas! Gene Christmas! Campus Christmas! Computer Christmas! And the all important Christmas Christmas! It's your Christmas Science Watch, where we watch science—it's almost Christmas!

Dog evolution! Stroke surgery! Baby okapi! Computer hearts! Fast fish! Space gardens! Parkinson's treatment! Anthrax vaccine! And America loses the Red planet to the Reds! It's your Tuesday Science Watch, where we watch science—nobly!

Tumbleweed comeback! Aspirin cancer! Goosebump fear! Star molecules! Cowardly dragonflies! Fish labeling! Python organs! Spider foreplay! And outer space's most popular costumes! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—with bravado!

Slime Killer Hagfish Feasts in Rotten Flesh sounds like a B horror movie from the 1950s, but it's totally not: It's the title of this brand-new New Scientist article on hagfish, which might be the grossest, most disgusting-est fish in the ocean.

Beetle colors! Beetle invasion! Clam fish! Beetle fighting! Beetle resignation! Beetle fear! Beetle immigration! Penguin smell! And beetle beetle beetles all up in your house! It's your Thursday Science Watch, where we watch science—creepily!

Reverse magnets! Dog robot! Cramped fish! Hair story! Cell swallowing! Cool science! Space storm! Fake planets! And studying abuse reveals that everything she said was true! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—with soul!

Just last year it seemed almost inevitable that genetically engineered Frankenfish would soon be readily available to American consumers. But some lawmakers, like Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski, are a little creeped out by the idea and are holding up FDA approval. Murkowski told the AP that the idea of eating Frankenfish "kind of gives me the heebie jeebies."

Everybody say hello to Dale McDaniel, your new favorite Floridian! He's 52, has been arrested at least 34 times, allegedly shouts obscenities at people and pisses in his trash-strewn yard, drinks pretty much constantly, and has left an indelible impression upon his neighbors, many of whom say they fear him.

Coffee mystery! Asteroid deflection! Earth expansion! Fly paranoia! Acoustic cloaking! Bear strings! Homo sapienism! Smartest insect! And stupid fish are all like, "Which hand makes the 'L?'" It's your Wednesday Science Watch, where we watch science—as best we can!

You think the world is a boring and cruel place and then one day you wake up on an absolutely normal morning and you look on the internet and there is a story about a Gourami fish who was living on a diet of nothing but chocolate. A fish named Gary! Why isn't Gary eating his grapes at the aquarium like a normal Gourami?

Fresh off an unsuccessful attempt to make circumcision illegal, San Francisco has turned elsewhere for its next attempted ban: Goldfish. The Animal Control and Welfare Commission would like to ban the sale of pets in the city, even goldfish. The proposed ban seems destined to fail a vote of the Board of Supervisors (just like the ACWC's recommendation to mix birth control with birdseed to reduce the pigeon population), but we appreciate that it was put forward in the first place, because "Isn't San Francisco Wacky, Man?" stories written by non-San Franciscans are among our favorites. [SFC]

Fish labeling! Dog drinking! Disease eradicating! Anorexia theorizing! Contaminated fishing! Radiation sexing! Distant-object spotting! Caffeine surviving! And whatever new thing they say about heart disease today! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—indiscriminately!

Fish peddler Yong Hao Wu has been charged with importing thousands of live snakehead fish—a crime in New York state, in case you've slacked off on studying your fish laws (don't feel ashamed; we've all been there).

This kitten has the time of its life playing with the fish in a bathtub.

HIV testing! Fish eyes! Menthol guidelines! Dukan diet! Smoke cancer! Radiation risks! Fat marathon! Fecal stories! And wanton overconsumption of the devil salt! It's your Friday Health Watch, where we watch your health—leaving you no choice in the matter!

Remember when all those birds died in Arkansas and you were pretty sure the world was ending so you wrote that kinda creepy letter to your high school boyfriend? And then the world didn't end, and you were like, crap. Well, looks like the apocalypse is back on! Millions of dead fish just popped up (literally) in Redondo Beach, Calfornia: