Animal legs! Weather extremes! Planet surfaces! Astronaut man! Dark things! Bee teams! Bio touch! And liquids that may or may not be of benefit to one and all! It’s your periodic Science Watch, where we watch science—without ever touching the ground!

Recently, National Geographic reports, on a spearfishing dive off Apalachicola, Florida, Grayson Shepard was interrupted by several goliath groupers who availed themselves of the snapper he’d caught. Oh well. Plenty of fish in the sea!

When you see a fish like this swimming by, you might dismiss it by saying, “Don’t let that weirdo toothy monster fish touch me!” while flinging a spear. But what if you knew that that fish was actually Jesus, the Christ?

We're all gonna die someday. Just you wait. Perhaps you'll die with dignity and you'll be missed; maybe not. If a bobcat came into your water bed and yanked you straight from your happy life into the depths of hell, that would be an okay way to die. A death with purpose.

A year-long AP investigation reveals the global fish market feeds off a robust slave fishing trade benefitting everyone involved except the slaves, who are reportedly kept in cages and whipped with toxic fish when they get tired. Sounds pretty bad!

Fancy food: it is a funny thing. One person might not understand why another might enjoy eating tortured goose liver or snails, and the other might say, "Mmm, I love these snails and tortured goose liver. More, please!" Aliona Russo, a non-fancy woman, recently sat down for dinner at Manhattan's fancy Villagio on the Park restaurant and was traumatized to find a perfectly fresh fish sitting on her plate. So fresh, in fact, that the hook was still sitting in the little fishy's mouth.

A video file by the name of "2 guys 1 fish" is making its way around Twitter today. The video depicts a man receiving oral sex from a large fish. If you want to watch the video—which, let's be clear, depicts what is almost certainly an illegal act of animal abuse—it is located here. If you don't want to watch, but want to be familiar with the events contained therein, here's a description of the act.

A Norwegian fisherman was gutting a large cod he'd caught when he ran across an unusual lump in his fish. Probably just some semi-digested herrings, right? No big deal. (Spoiler: It wasn't just semi-digested herrings.)

Jet aborts takeoff after striking fish.

Above you see a photo taken on the small Norwegian island of of Lovund, of a dog standing on top of a group of herring. The fish were swimming too close to the surface when a cold wind swept over and froze them solid.

It is time once again for "Hey, Science," our world-renowned feature in which we enlist real live scientific experts to answer humanity's most provocative/ dumb scientific questions. Today: Do unknown sea monsters still lurk in the deep?

"I think this world would be better off having more young women holding a fish in a picture than holding their camera in front of a bathroom mirror, taking a selfie." -Sarah Palin. No PR people are writing her quotes! Never change, fish lady. [FB]

A swarm of carnivorous fish attacked a group of swimmers at a popular beach in Argentina on Christmas Day, injuring more than 70. Seven children lost part of their toes or fingers in the attack.

Global warming could cause your tuna fish to fill up with with (even more) mercury.

Officials expect thousands of fish to die after a leak in Honolulu's molasses pipeline dumped more than 233,000 gallons of the sugary substance into the city's harbor on Monday. The spill has already killed hundreds of fish and other marine life in the harbor, and environmental experts predict it will soon spread to nearby reefs.

A testicle-crushing vegetarian monster fish from South America has invaded the waters off Scandinavia. Last week, fisherman in the Oresund Sound between Sweden and Denmark reeled in a pacu, a fish best known for its sharp teeth and occasional attacks on male genitalia.

Russian strongman/president Vladimir Putin went fishing last weekend and caught a pike as large as the Siberian tundra. Or at least, it was reported to be as large.

I used to fantasize about leaving the front door open for hours so that my roommate's obese cat who shed incessantly would muster enough energy to escape. And I often thought, "It would be much easier to make her life miserable if she had a fish that I could just flush down the toilet." That's a lie, but it's exactly what 47-year-old Brooklyn man, Jose Santiago allegedly did.

Would you trust a fast food restaurant to cook you non-fried fish? I mean, sure. *Deep, slow breaths* It'll be fine.

Do you know what kind of fish you're eating? Let's be very honest about the average American's palate: the average American is unable to distinguish a banana from a deep-fried Oreo cookie in a blind taste test. It is perhaps too much to expect the average American to be able to distinguish between perch and flounder. Which is probably why a lot of restaurants just sell any old fish and label it on the menu as "World's BEST Kind of Fish."