Wasp wands! Greenhouse gases! Ecological disaster! Pill mills! HIV photography! Mind driving! Baby blaming! Bone marrow prices! And the lions of the sea, revealed! It's your Monday Science Watch, where we watch science—for the time being!

Any fish with a healthy understanding of the food chain would choose to avoid a shark but to watch a group of fish act in unison is almost an art form.

"Scientists" say that recent mass bird deaths aren't out of the ordinary. "Respected prophet" Cindy Jacobs says repeal of Don't Ask Don't Tell caused the bird deaths. Who do you believe? Before you answer, look at Cindy's outfit. [via]

The new year has arrived and it is awful, what with bird/fish/crab death, floods, freezing temperatures, and zombie ex-Vice Presidents. So let's just put it all out there and list the reasons why this is already the worst year ever.

A giant bluefin tuna was sold to wholesalers in Tokyo for a record $396,000. Want to know what it tastes like? Try one of the "up-market" sushi restaurants it'll be sold to. (Spoiler alert! It tastes like fish.)

Some 100,000 dead fish died in the Arkansas River, about 125 miles away from the 1,000 blackbirds that "fell out of the sky." So if anyone is wondering where, exactly, Jesus is going to show up: It's Arkansas.

On tonight's episode of Sarah Palin's Alaska, she and daughter Bristol went commercial halibut fishing. During their trip, both ladies got the chance to kill their very own fish with a club—how cute! Watch the (graphic) video inside.

In this video occasional nature documentarian Gavin McInness shows you how to catch a fish using nothing but a human worm. Sounds simple enough, but the real trick is in properly unhooking the fish after capture. Instructions below:

Like us, you're probably dying to try AquAdvantage® salmon, right? Well, the FDA won't make its producers label the fish as genetically modified! Good, because according to a guy from the Biotechnology Industry Organization, "Extra labeling only confuses the consumer."

Fisherman Raphael Biagini recently caught a 30-pound goldfish in the south of France. It weighs "the same as an average three-year-old girl" and looks about the size of a big dog. Now, he can sell it to a giant!

Asian carp are infesting the Great Lakes at such a high volume that they're endangering lucrative salmon and trout populations. The region, which relies heavily on its fishing industry, is trying anything and everything to get rid of them.

Good news for mutants everywhere: The genetically-modified AquAdvantage® salmon has cleared a major hurdle in its slow migration toward the inside of Americans' stomachs. The FDA says that the AquAdvantage® salmon "is as safe as food from conventional Atlantic salmon."

Hey, America: Time to get excited! Why? Because a year and a half from now you could be eating the very first genetically-modified animal approved for public consumption: The AquAdvantage® salmon! Assuming it passes the approval process, which began Wednesday.

Did you read about a slideshow of ugly undersea creatures on The New York Times' website on Friday? If so, the Times is deeply sorry, and would like to offer the following clarification:

Now that BP's oil well is plugged, government scientists can start looking at what 1.8 million gallons of the chemical dispersant Corexit did to the environment, and seafood in the Gulf of Mexico. The FDA says don't sweat it!

After being bitten by a barracuda while on a fishing trip, 14-year-old Koral Wira needed 51 stitches. But first she had to pose for a classic family photo with her father and the 42-inch fish. (She's okay now.) [F&S; Fark]

Why does the male Mexican molly fish have an 'extravagant moustache-like structure' on its top lip? German and American scientists may have discovered the answer: Because female fish dig it. For oral sex.

The FDA is "seriously considering" approval for a new genetically engineered salmon that grows at twice the normal rate. Yes, AquAdvantage® Fish will revolutionize the way American's eat sketchy, lab grown food. Also being developed: Pigs that shit less-toxic shit.

A mutant Asian carp was caught Tuesday in a waterway just six miles from Lake Michigan, after authorities started an $80 million campaign to annihilate the fish population. The carp "are like cockroaches," and could destroy the Great Lakes' ecosystem.

Somewhere deep within our evolutionary mitochondria is a tiny strand of genetic material that makes us slaves to the sultry sounds of a singing fish. Scientists call this the "stupid gene." [Adfreak; Previously]