Well, that sure was quick: Page Six reporter and recently exposed "swag hag" Sarah Polonsky has been sacked only hours after Radar's thorough account of her freebie-mongering and "do you know who I am?" routine. Polonsky's sketchiness really doesn't say much for EIC Col Allan's tightened ship, nor does new hire Corynne Steindler's attempt to throw herself a party sponsored by Thom Bar — which put her in a bit of shit before she's officially started, no less. But Polonsky's got several incidents under her belt, so her head is the first to roll. At least Steindler now knows that the editors are keeping a close watch on the strike count. Tread carefully and swag quietly, little one.

More in sorrow than in joy (oh, who are we kidding) Keith Kelly reports this morning on the dismissal of the Daily News' Andrea Dove, vice president of classified ads. Kelly gives a roll call of recent News departures, both voluntary and less so: Editor-in-Chief Michael Cooke, executive vice president Ira Ellenthal, investigative reporter Russ Buettner, feature writer Caitlin Kelly, food writer Isabel Forgang, and Michael Segell, Rebecca Louie, Breanne Heldman, Jami Bernard, Graham Fuller, Michele Ingrassia, Michelle Leifer and Celia McGee.

After firing four Maxim staffers on Friday, EIC Jimmy "William Wallace" Jellinek reflected on his day while sipping his sanctimony juice, then sent out the following email to his staff:

For visual learners still struggling to understand the Friday bloodbath at Maxim, in which four staffers were laid off.

• We fall to our knees and weep at the first pictures of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, which maybe we saw a little earlier than we were supposed to. But we don't care — her cutey-patootiness shall wait for no lawyer!
• Finally, after interminable months of uncertainty, Conde Nast gives us Porfolio. Lord knows when when we'll actually see it.
• Turns out Page Six editor Richard Johnson's DUI last week wasn't his first.
• The Coop declines to read from his book, opting instead to briefly just talk with smelly people. Afterwards, he retreats to Julio's love nest.
• We marvel at the horror of the Guccione mansion.
• Star magazine cans five employees, including two Fuller veterans.
• Wenner Media readies itself for MTV's cameras, due to start filming on Monday. Assistants begin applying makeup now.
• Krucoff attemps for the world's worst case of indigestion by eating his way around town with David Wain and Ken Marino, who will later dip his balls in it.

A brief reminder to love your Gmail, courtesy of a recent survey of 300 businesses:

Spencer Morgan — a gossip reporter around town who's worked on New York's Intelligencer and Rush & Molloy at the News, among other venues — published a delightful essay in Wednesday's Observer. "My New Year's Rez: How to Play Hooky and Not Get Fired," it was called, and it provided charmingly dastardly strategies for availing oneself of sick days when not actually sick. His suggestions, in brief:

• Jessica Simpson gets dumped by her publicist, who's tired of lying to the world about miserable state of Simpson's marriage. Could the PR industry be having its Jerry Maguire moment? Nah.
• Wenner honcho Kent Brownridge is (possibly) forced into an early retirement, courtesy of big Jann himself. Sadly, his possible successor is fresh from rehab — that's no fun.
• Sexual assault suspect and fake fireman Peter Braunstein continues to flit about New York, and yet no one can seem to catch the mofo. Especially not the hipsters or Greg Lindsay.
• Kimberly Stewart, eager to be more Paris Hilton than we can stomach, gets engaged to barely-legal Laguna Beach star Talan Torriero.
• Anderson Cooper and Ryan Seacrest could adopt the most beautiful gay babies.
• Time mag begins its debate on the person of the year, and you predictably voted for Mother Nature.
• Gawker Media makes a distribution deal with Yahoo!, which sanitizes us without completely selling out.
• Inside TV folds, and TV Guide lays off editors who need to take a personal leave.
• And Mort Zuckerman reminds his staffers that in the Jew's house, Christmas doesn't mean shit.

On Tuesday, it was reported that girly celeb-ish television rag Inside TV was folding so that its publisher, Gemstar, could focus on the company's "considerable core assets." Gemstar also publishes TV Guide, but apparently that mag isn't included in the core assets: we hear that the company cut 6 staffers (running the gamut in position) from the struggling television bible on the same day as the Inside TV bloodbath.

By popular demand, we're doing our best to focus for more than 2 minutes and direct our attention to this weekend's Modern Love column in the Times. We wanted desperately to take the side of the nanny, who was fired after her employers had enough of reading about her not-unusual exploits on her blog — but that would've been too easy, to simply side with the little guy, maligned by rich, nanny-employing overlords. Instead, Helaine Olen's essay about reading her nanny's website had us thinking a few things: