Spencer Morgan — a gossip reporter around town who's worked on New York's Intelligencer and Rush & Molloy at the News, among other venues — published a delightful essay in Wednesday's Observer. "My New Year's Rez: How to Play Hooky and Not Get Fired," it was called, and it provided charmingly dastardly strategies for availing oneself of sick days when not actually sick. His suggestions, in brief:

1. Don't back yourself into a corner.
2. Don't kill people twice.
3. Don't make up stories that are simply not possible.
4. Food poisoning always works.
5. Ipecac.

We'd add one more: Don't write a fucking essay about it.

Which Morgan learned the hard way, when he was fired today from Bauer's Life & Style Weekly, where he had been the news editor.

My New Year's Rez: How to Play Hooky and Not Get Fired [NYO]