Call it the Facebook Photo Paradox: People are never as good-looking as they appear in their Facebook profile pic. But they're never as ugly as they appear in other people's Facebook pictures of them. Why do other people's Facebook photos of you suck so much?
Tyler Brule is the publisher of high-fashion design magazine Wallpaper and of Monocle, that beacon of "lifestyle sensuality and gaywad uptightness" that could be viewed as either the world's most pretentious or (incorrectly) most inspiring magazine. It sure is something. Though not a lifestyle magazine.
Tiger Woods' recluse ex-wife Elin Nordegren got a $100 million dollar settlement after her husband fucked every Brandi, Krystal, and Hooter's Waitress Tammi in the entire country. She has so much money now that she's just wasting it by buying mansions and then ripping them down for fun.
Everyone's a critic! Especially Carmen Tisch of Denver, who really does not like abstract expressionist Clyfford Still very much, and expressed that displeasure by punching his painting "1957-J no.2." And also rubbing her butt on it.
This guy from The Hills is now kept by a very rich gay. These sisters are fighting over a fashion line, this actor can't stop having threeways and this actress got so drunk she had group sex. You know, some people can be talked into doing that sober!
Keith Olbermann is a talented television man. He's agile with words. He's whip-smart, an often penetrating thinker, and seems able to strike the perfect on-air balance between smoldering outrage and smirking "What are we doing here, folks?" acknowledgment of some of television's absurdities. Still. If you are a TV executive who hires this man, you are a fucking idiot.
If you've been anywhere near Twitter this evening, you know something truly wonderful and unique and amazing and THE BEST is happening. In the space of two hours, Kanye West has tweeted 60 times and counting on, uh, his earnest pursuits in the realm of fashion and graphic design and nutrition and architecture and video games and publicity and medicine and law and science and app guys. You think Tom Ford is full of himself? Kanye West shits Tom Fords for breakfast. Then he irons out the shits into cutting-edge fabrics, and frantically cuts, sews, and laces that fabric through the night and into the morning, until he has produced the most unbelievable clothes — nay, FASHION + ART = FARTSHION! — in the universe. And he calls these clothes DONDA. But he calls all that other stuff DONDA, too! DONDA will be your everything. Just you wait and see. And what is DONDA? It's an acronym for Dis Original N***a Dresses Aight.*
Tooth-deficient Chicago cinefile Edward Brown got a little overenthused during a recent screening of odds-on Oscars favorite Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked. According to police, Brown, 34, disrobed and "paraded in front of the audience at the North Riverside Park Mall's Classic Cinema."
With such a close race in the Iowa Caucuses last night, the cable news networks had to stay live into the wee hours of the morning. This proved to be a little much for some of them, as Stephen Colbert made clear on tonight's Colbert Report. Fox News' Bret Baier lost his ability to subtract simple sums and CNN's Erin Burnett had a little trouble mastering the network's new "flick" technology. All in all, it really makes a guy miss Tim Russert's trusty white board.
"What we believe to be a serious, dangerous serial killer operating in Orange County" is how police described the man who has now stabbed three homeless men to death on California streets. The first victim, James McGillivray, 53, was killed on December 20, as he slept outside a shopping mall in Placentia. The second, Lloyd Middaugh, 42, was discovered eight days later on the Santa Ana River Trail. Two days after that came a third victim, discovered behind Yorba Linda library: He was Paulus Corenlius Smit, 57.
On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart had his chance to address the results of the Iowa Caucuses. He paid special attention to the candidates' speeches, making sure to highlight Marcus Bachmann's doggie sunglasses shopping spree and Ron Paul's obscure reference to a couple of Austrian economists. Stewart also had some choice words for winner Mitt Romney and his public persona which he purchased along with his victory.
If there's one thing I think that most of us can agree on, it's that the internet can never have too few images of children frolicking in the surf as a naked man lingers ominously in the background. Right? That's just a given. Apparently the memo had not swung around to the marketing team of La Redoute, however, which happens to be the most popular mail order company in France. They posted the above image to their website today, apparently unaware of the offending dong terrorizing thousands of parents just looking for a good deal on swim trunks for their kids.
A billionaire tycoon from China named Long Liyuan died suddenly and mysteriously two days before Christmas. The only clue: a still-steaming bowl of half-eaten cat stew. Could it be? No, it's simply too easy, too dastardly, altogether too meowtrageous! But it's true: The cat stew was poisoned!
As the world sat glued to their media display devices awaiting the latest Beyoncé BabyWatch developments, one man — a 48-year-old resident of Ohio — whiled away the holiday weekend in a state of blissful Beyoncé ignorance. Not only was he unaware that a Lil-Z might shimmy out from between her million-dollar legs at any given moment, he had no clue that Beyoncé and Jay-Z were even married. We know, we know — shocking. Still, it doesn't seem quite bad enough to earn him a stabbing.
"Distraught over the loss of her grandfather and her parents' divorce," 14-year-old Jakadrien Turner ran away from home, WFAA Dallas reports. Arrested for shoplifting in Houston, she used a fake name that actually belonged to a 22-year-old undocumented immigrant wanted for arrest. What follows is a nightmarish series of mistaken identities and institutional failures, culminating in a teen girl trapped alone and pregnant in a third-world prison.
