This was inevitable: Spencer Pratt is reportedly negotiating the sale of a sex tape starring his soon-to-be ex-wife Heidi Montag. No word, as of yet, whether it was shot before or after Heidi's Barbie-like surgical makeover. [TMZ, image via INF]

A couple of new polls show that a growing number of Americans think Barack Obama is Muslim. Why? So far, the Washington Examiner's conservative writer Byron York has the worst explanation: because Obama sometimes mentions his "Muslim roots," confusing everyone!

America's most stressful city is Las Vegas, followed by L.A. and Houston, according to Forbes. Long thought to be the capital of neurotic hair-tearing, New York City finished in eighth place. You softies make me sick. [Image via Shutterstock]

An earthquake's coming! Junk DNA is mutating! The moon was shrinking! Happiness is thinking! Active cities are slimming! A galactic volcano's exploding! And the ocean is dying! It's your Friday Science Watch, where we watch science—until it collapses, inevitably!

Breaking news from Martha's Vineyard: Barack Obama went to a bookstore! And he bought novelist Jonathan Franzen's hotly anticipated greatest masterpiece ever, Freedom. It's not even in stores until August 31! He really does have magical time-defying powers. [Image: AP]

The cast of Katie Holmes rom-com The Romantics did a J. Crew ad campaign, and the result is an aneurysm of creamy cupcakes, tasteful khaki, and fresh-faced youth. Katie even exorcises a few Tom Cruise-related demons. Let's take a look.

America's beloved Miss USA, Rima Fakih — the first Muslim to hold that title — will hit the airwaves tonight to give her opinion on Cordoba House: it's too close to Ground Zero! This complicates everything.

I am pleased to announce that vagina tattoos are officially mainstream, with a how-to video on YouTube and blog posts here, here, and here. Unfortunately, the internet keeps calling it a "vatoo," when the superior term is clearly "twattoo."

While the Facebook movie makes Mark Zuckerberg out to be a web 2.0 serial killer, the just-announced Google movie will offer a softer view of Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page. It will be, essentially, a 90-minute Google commercial.

Former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich is a TV whore again, following his anti-climactic corruption trial. On the Today show this morning, Meredith Vieira pressed him on whether he'd return to reality TV now — maybe Jersey Shore? He'll consider it.

Not long ago, America's best and brightest young greedy bastards were piling into expensive law schools, confident they'd soon be wealthy older bastards. Then, law degrees became worthless. It's gotten so bad, young lawyers have resorted to doing something respectable.

We've already told you how to disable (or enable) the feature in Facebook Places which allows other users to tag you at a location. Do this now! If you don't take any action, you're left in a confusing privacy limbo.

Quick: What's the best way for a politician to broadcast short, nearly-incomprehensible missives to the world? No, it's not by hacking into Wolf Blitzer's teleprompter before The Situation Room. Twitter! Here are the seven scientifically-determined "Twitter geniuses" of the Senate.

There are many interesting ways to earn a living in our post-industrial economy. Like ranting on camera about your sister being nearly raped. That's what Antoine Dodson did—now he's got a Hot 100 Billboard single!

Liam Derbyshire, an 11-year-old British lad, has a rare condition that causes him to stop breathing when he sleeps. His parents plug him into life support every night. He's also in remission from cancer. And you think your life's tough!

Remember that brain fungus that forces "zombie ants" to leave their colonies and march around feeding a fungal organism in their brains until one day it pops out and kills them? What if the terrorists get their hands on it?

Courtney Love celebrated her estranged daughter's eighteenth birthday a day late on Twitter: "youve done a dammed good job frances of destroying anything i could build." She's a "sell out," and Courtney knows how to "ruiinher." Happy birthday! [Buzzfeed, @CourtneyLoveUK]

Missouri Senate candidate Roy Blunt has taken down this web video attacking opponent Robin Carnahan on the "Controversial Ground Zero Mosque" with smoldering World Trade Center destruction imagery. This building in Lower Manhattan is Missouri's top campaign issue, of course.

Our federal authorities are targeting the very core of American corruption: baseball player Roger Clemens. Clemens reportedly will be indicted for perjuring himself before Congress in a 2008 steroids hearing. Really? A druggy baseball player gets a federal indictment?

Men! Even when they groom like women, they are pigs. Salon interviewed women who wax men's balls. One described a client get so turned on, she had to shoot him with a taser. Another said Christopher Hitchens is weirdly flexible.