For those of you who were wondering: old men wearing camo halter tops and matching bikini bottoms will—repeat, will—be allowed to board planes, here in America. It's the land of the free. Duh. Larger pic is below.

New York's two Republican primary candidates for Chuck Schumer's Senate seat debated yesterday! And the format included a terrifyingly schizophrenic "lightning round," which concluded with the defining political question of our time.

After Julian Assange's sexual entanglement with two Swedish ladies, we asked if the Wikileaks founder might be a "nerdy sex God." It turns out he very much is, if his own deleted blog entries are to be believed.

How sad must the traveling merchant class be? What do they long for at night, in their hotels, after closing hot business deals? Well, 25 percent of these men, supposedly, cuddle with stuffed animals, weeping themselves to sleep.

Instant video chat site and purveyor of penises Chatroulette is still down, after promising a relaunch yesterday. The site now says it'll relaunch "shortly" instead of "today." What gives?

Facebook abruptly removed ads for pot legalization group Just Say Now, saying the ads' marijuana leaves might encourage Facebook members to try toking. A social network founded on college campuses can't really think its users are strangers to pot.

Yesterday we introduced you to Tyrone Hayes, the UC-Berkeley biologist who expresses his opposition to the herbicide atrazine with shouty, rap lyric-quoting emails to its manufacturer, Syngenta. Well—there are many more Tyrone Hayes emails where those came from!

Thanks to video of an English woman throwing a cat in a garbage can going viral, local police have since identified the perpetrator. Although she hasn't "committed a criminal offence," she'll be questioned by the RSPCA, the U.K.'s kitty police.

Breaking: some assholes who hate Muslims find a high school test insufficiently hateful of Muslims. Well then! Destroy it! Burn the books! Kill the teachers! For Jesus! Below, the hateful Dirty Muslin-loving test questions exposed by New York's greatest tabloid.

American Apparel is having a terrible summer. First, their photo-based, no-uglies-allowed hiring practices got them lots of bad PR (from us). Simultaneously, the company was, you know, financially collapsing. The latest blow: potential delisting from the stock exchange.

Researchers attempting to survey men with genital piercings found that those who responded were overwhelmingly Caucasian (89%), heterosexual (82%) and middle-class (56% earn $45,000 yearly). Can you think of another group of mostly white, straight, middle-class men?

The Occupational Safety and Health Administration has fined SeaWorld Orlando $75,000 for three safety violations stemming from the killer whale attack that led to trainer Dawn Brancheau's death this past February. SeaWorld says it plans to contest the violations.

Teabaggers will soon descend on Washington for Glenn Beck's "Restoring Honor" rally, taking place at the site of Martin Luther King Jr.'s "Dream" speech, on its anniversary. What precautions should they take to avoid being murdered in this deadly town?

Jersey Shore quote machine The Situation has reportedly signed up for ABC's Dancing with the Stars. With that gig, he'll probably make even more than the shocking $5 million he'll pull in this year. Where does the cash come from?

While not quite comparable to "We've Got to Stop the Mosque At Ground Zero," this latest anti-mosque jam, "SALT IN THE WOUND," is still a profound piece of Real Americana. But what's that image that appears at :39?

Have you heard about @whoisthebaldguy? He's this bald guy making a career out of getting celebrities to follow him on Twitter. Unfortunately, all he ever tweets about is getting celebrities to follow him, which makes following him really annoying.

People are reporting their bank and PayPal accounts have been emptied by hackers via the iTunes Store. This has not been a good summer for Apple's self-made image of safety and security.

Chatroulette, the addictive instant video chat site, has disappeared. Instead of teenage genitalia, its homepage has a message: "The experiment #1 is over now. Thanks for participating." Experiment?

Temporarily liberated Illinois ex-Gov. Rod Blagojevich appeared at Chicago's Comic Con this weekend, ostensibly to play with Batmobiles, but mostly to refill his legal coffers. He was charging $50 per autograph and $80 per photo. Wouldn't you pay that much?

The director of the Bay County Area Animal Shelter in Florida has resigned in disgrace after it was discovered that an employee took home a pet pig named "Fluffy," butchered and ate it. Of course the pig's name was "Fluffy."