Thank you, New York Republicans, for nominating racist porn e-mailer Carl Paladino as your gubernatorial candidate! Because he's funny. Now, for example, he's sending out "garbage-scented" mailers to 200,000 households — as a metaphor for Albany, see?

Meet Stephen Rout, the child who spawned an entire Japanese subculture after his baby picture was uploaded to the internet in 2000 — a subculture unknown to his family until nine years later.

You know how people say "those pants are so tight, they look like they're painted on?" Well, it's not so far from the truth now that there is Fabrican. Yes, it's fabric in a can that you can spray on!

Heavily leveraged (read: bankrupt) Real Housewife of New Jersey Teresa Guidice did an interview with In Touch Weekly and they have "unearthed" pictures of her and husband Joe from 1984. How much do you think the tabloid had to pay?

All Americans are fat. Now TV is cashing in with shows like The Biggest Loser, Thintervention, and Celebrity Fit Club, because fat Americans only want to watch shows about people losing weight. It's like exercising without leaving the couch!

Before anti-masturbation advocate Christine O'Donnell won a Republican Senate primary, she was a Catholic Columnist! And in one 2003 essay, "The Women of Middle Earth," she analyzed the sexy sexy ladies in Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. What's her take?

Hey, what's the deal with all these NYC criminals wearing New York Yankees hats? Could it be the ubiquitous and overwhelming popularity of the Yankees in NYC, where they're based? That's a boring theory. Can't we blame Jay-Z somehow?

It seems that educational network E! has ordered a new show called Bridalplasty, in which "brides-to-be compete in wedding-themed challenges to win extensive surgical procedures." So they can look perfect for their weddings, get it? See you in hell, everyone.

Ann Coulter mistakenly raged against "Michael Gross" in a column yesterday, but she meant "Michael Joseph Gross," the author of a recent, damning Sarah Palin profile. Now author Michael Gross has been receiving insane hate mail, and isn't happy.

Here's a trailer for David O. Russell's boxing drama The Fighter, a modern Cinderella Man, the based-on-a-true-story tale of a scrappy, over-the-hill boxer who beats the odds. It seems full of that Boston blue collar-gawking that's gotten a bit old.

In her new, authorized biography, French first lady Carla Bruni recalls talking to Michelle Obama on a trip to Washington, during which Obama says of her post, "It's hell. I can't stand it." Only two more years, Michelle!

Oh dear. Cincinnati police have released cellphone video of a 21-year-old mother coaching her two-year-old daughter to smoke what appears to be a joint. The tape was sent to Family Services by a concerned person who witnessed the incident.

Failed Christian rock singer and current national embarrassment Katy Perry was performing at her old Santa Barbara high school on Tuesday when she spotted a former crush in the audience. She decided then to dedicate her worst song to him.

Molly Norris, the Seattle cartoonist whose joking suggestion for an "Everybody Draw Mohammed Day" earned her a fatwa from religious extremists, has been forced into hiding, for her own safety.

Google issued a short statement yesterday confirming our report about David Barksdale, the ex-Google engineer fired for violating users' privacy and spying on minors. But the statement did little to answer some big questions about Barksdale's conduct and Google's policies.

Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has spent the past day apologizing for his state's homeland security department, which had been distributing "anti-terrorism" bulletins listing upcoming environmentalist and LGBT protests — at a cost of $125,000 to taxpayers, naturally.

Democrats are feeling optimistic! Since Republicans have nominated a joke Senate candidate in Delaware, Democrats now will win one midterm election, instead of zero. And to capitalize on this momentum, the Democratic party released a new logo and slogan today!

Both Claire Danes and Courtney Love were celebrity guests at the Narciso Rodriguez show yesterday. Check out this hilarious glare NY1 caught Danes shooting the wasted rocker's way. Francis Bean wishes that look could kill.

One intrepid reader found Madonna at S Fifth St. and Marcy Ave. in Williamsburg, Brooklyn today shooting scenes for her upcoming movie W.E.. He even filmed a video of her! Our Stalker game has officially been stepped up.

Meg Whitman has now spent $119 million of her own money in her bid for Earth's worst job, governor of California. She's broken NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg's 2009 self-financing record of $110 million. Isn't it time for an intervention?