Congressman Dennis Kucinich bought a sandwich from the Longworth House Office Building cafeteria in April 2008, and bit into it only to find an unpitted olive that cracked a tooth. This month, he sued the cafeteria for selling "dangerous" sandwiches.

Though ratings dropped 50% in its second week, the much-maligned series Skins, MTV's adaptation of a British series about drugging, sexing kids, will not be canceled. Network execs say they're standing by the show. Standing, awkwardly trying to hide boners.

Barack Obama's State of the Union speech last night centered on "winning the future," a mindless incantation that means nothing and actually sprang from the mind of Newt Gingrich, America's greatest simpleton.

Congratulations are in order for the Grand Resort Hotel & Convention Center in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, which has been named the Dirtiest Hotel in America. What does a hotel do after winning such a prestigious award?

He may have dated supermodels, but that doesn't mean he's not extra small down there. This actor is extra kinky and likes to expose himself in nightclubs. Let's hope that, unlike the rocker, he's a shower.

Jesse James isn't a Nazi, he's just really "into history," OK? Padma Lakshmi's custody battle erupts. Jessica Simpson fights to keep an embarrassing exercise video under wraps. Wednesday's gossip roundup comes back to bite your well-toned butt.

American Apparel's breakthrough new advertising strategy: pictures of comely women removing their panties—but drawn in pencil. This changes everything. We were wrong about you, AA. You're practically running an art museum over there. The NSFW ads are here. [Copyranter]

Metro-North officials say the footage on this Youtube video—showing a train door that remains open for two and a half minutes as the train flies full speed through New York City—is "very disturbing." Um yeah.

Tea Party zombie Rep. Michele Bachmann delivered a rebuttal to Obama's State of the Union address last night, and besides lacing it with all sorts of nonsense about rising debt and Iwo Jima, she didn't look into the right camera.

On Tuesday, tens of thousands of Egyptians took to the streets in Cairo and Suez, protesting the administration of President Hosni Mubarak late into the night. The protestors were gassed and beaten.

Let's say that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange's "insurance file" of dirt on News Corp CEO Rupert Murdoch is seriously juicy, and Rupe's got to go hide out. Where can he go? You mean he has to choose just one place?

Kelley Williams-Bolar, a 40-year-old mother of two, was convicted of a felony last week and sent to jail for 10 days. Her crime? Falsifying records so her kids could attend a safer school in the district where her father lives.

Republicans and Democrats are both furious at CNN, the only network which will air Rep. Michele Bachmann's Tea Party response to tonight's State of the Union in addition to the official Republican response. But CNN refuses to compromise!

An 18-year-old Washington woman was sentenced to 15 months in prison after drunkenly stabbing someone who made fun of her stinky feet. First the Connecticut fart stabber, now this? Warning: taunting drunk people about their stench might lead to stabbing.

Since it's 2011 and George W. Bush is history, now's a good time to issue detailed reports charging the Bush White House with repeatedly and deliberately violating federal laws against politicking with government resources. Memories!

A handful of Congress members are apparently such attention whores that they squeeze to the front of the pack at every State of the Union to shake the president's hand as he walks in. Who are these "aisle hogs"?

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor's attempt to sneak in some tongue action with Nancy Pelosi at tonight's State of the Union has backfired, terribly. Did he think Pelosi wouldn't already have a "date" lined up? Get it together, Eric Cantor.

There's been a lot of arguing over whether Twitter enables political change, so it's worth noting that Egypt's dictators are sufficiently worried about the microblogging service that they banned it amid increasingly heated street protests.

Evanston, Illinois, the home of Northwestern University, plans to start enforcing a "brothel law" that prevents more than three unrelated people from sharing a house or apartment. Why would they bother? To cut down on college parties, of course.

Good news for would-be Chicago mayoral candidate Rahm Emanuel: Illinois' Supreme Court hasn't decided on reinstating his candidacy, but it has "ordered Chicago election officials not to print any ballots without his name." He can keep them as souvenirs, maybe?