Attend the tale of a movie director who has lost two big pictures in a row. It's a sad one. Also today: more pilot casting news of course, AMC teases their latest show, The Event crashes and burns, and a little Greek send-off.

American Apparel CEO Dov Charney has a reputation for being a sex hound. He famously masturbated in front of a female reporter. He's been the subject of multiple sexual harassment lawsuits. But none bigger than today's.

Supreme Court Associate Justice Clarence Thomas likes to have sex with two women at the same time! He's also, according to his former lover Lillian McEwen, who has written a book about what it's like to have a three-way with someone who would eventually become a fundamentalist Supreme Court justice, basically a human fucksaw: "McEwen gushes over Thomas' prowess and 'fantasy [package],' describing his body as 'coffee-bean ... velvet-covered cement.'" Rock hard, baby.

Hey bitches and Kath-eters alike, I'm the new intern at Gawker. Here's my first journalistic assignment. Enjoy these photo captions. Oh, I'm on an Ambien, Adderall & the world's last remaining Quaalude.

Is this... it? The heralded jewelry store surveillance tape that either nails LiLo to the ground as a thief, or proves her innocence? Because all I see is proof that helicopter camera angles do wonders for LiLo's cleavage.

Here's a trailer for the fifth movie in the Fast and the Furious saga, simply titled Fast Five. (They are no longer furious, I guess. Irritated? Irked? Content?) It's the same movie as always, except this time Paul Walker is fully a criminal and they are in Brazil and Michelle Rodriguez is still dead. (Spoiler guys, sorry.) At this point all Paul Walker and Vin Diesel and Jordana Brewster do these days is say they're not going to make more Fast and the Furious movies and then go and make another Fast and the Furious movie. "Naw, we were just playin'. We're gonna make another one. Yeah."

Confessed trespasser and hidden-camera operator James O'Keefe, has released a new deceptively edited video that shockingly documents the fact that at least one NPR executive who has absolutely no newsgathering role is a mainline liberal and refuses to accept money from shadowy Muslim organizations. Let the word go forth that today, March 8, 2011, is the day America was forced to face up to the fact that some NPR executives are liberal elitists.

Journalism legend Charles Pierce makes a great god damn point in a new interview: the idea that a good writer will automatically make a good editor is a farce. The journalism job ladder is broken. What is to be done?

Though we love her news anchor dad, we are worried about this young actress. Also today: let's analyze Suri Cruise for absolutely no reason, more exciting wedding news about the world's most important wedding, and Amanda Seyfried fesses up.

The Supreme Court yesterday declined to review a federal appeals court ruling against the University of Wisconsin, which said that the school is required to fund religious groups and activities with its student activities budget. You know what that means!

This star bought herself a bakery, and she goes and makes some of the goodies herself. This embattled show is looking to replace its male lead and this athlete is nice to kids in need. Maybe he can get them some celeb cupcakes.

Police in Oregon received two calls on Monday night: One from a homeowner whose place had been broken into. And the other from the guy who broke into the house.

The New York Post does not have a great track record at telling black people apart, whether they're media moguls or reality TV stars, so we can't say we're surprised that this Page Six item about R&B singer Mary J. Blige ran with an incorrectly-captioned picture of R&B singer Keri Hilson (full screenshot below). But we know running a daily newspaper can be difficult, so we've created this handy visual guide to help the Post distinguish between Ms. Blige and Ms. Hilson. No more drama, indeed! [pics via AP]

Click to viewWhat does former Senator Alan Simpson (R - Wy.), co-chair of President Obama's deficit-reduction commission, think about "kids these days"? So glad you asked!

Uh-oh: Someone seems to have told Bono that his Spider-man musical sucks. And now, according to The New York Times, the U2 frontman has "taken a direct role" in talks with director Julie Taymor over the possibility of her exit.

Looks like Libyan leader Muammar Qaddafi is ready step down! But he wants to make a deal first: According to reports (none of which have been officially confirmed) in Arab media outlets, Qaddafi is looking for a guarantees of safety for himself, his family, and his rather large fortune, and rumor has it that the dictator is looking for a place to crash. But apparently the rebels aren't biting—not only have they officially rejected "broad" talks, saying that any negotiations have to start with Qaddafi agreeing to quit, but sources for al Jazeera and Reuters indicate that rebel leaders aren't prepared to let Qaddafi keep his money—and maybe not his immunity from trial, either. [Reuters; image via AP]

The ambitious agenda state Republican parties are pursuing to dismantle the infrastructure of the Democratic party isn't just focusing on crushing unions under the guise of "budget balancing." There's a far more dangerous and seditious form of Democrat out there that needs its lollipop stolen, too: The college kids who think they're mature enough to vote responsibly, but clearly don't, since they vote Democratic.

Patriotic American beef is under attack! I mean, not the cows. The cows are actually happy about it. Per capita beef consumption in the U.S. has fallen by a third in the past 35 years. So the National Cattlemen's Beef Association is training ranchers and other assorted beef-friendly carnivores to fight back using the tools of public relations.

Today a mega music and film star's husband is joining a show that stars a mega music and film star's wife. That's just how Hollywood works. Also today: pilot casting news, a sad story about Sean Young, and a new Edgar Allan Poe emerges.

Big time beef in the NWU, which stands for Northwestern University, act like you know! Could it be that some bold young upstart is challenging the one and only CHET HAZE for hip hop supremacy? Yes, outlandishly!