New York's Erie County Holding Center will be playing advertisements on a television screen in its holding cells, apparently in an effort to plug the hole created by upcoming budget cuts. Obviously, the HDTV won't be for ads only—it will also "publicize general information about parking, the jail's policies and more," according to Anthony Diina, the advertising whiz who came up with the idea. ("What do people want they are in the Holding Center?" Diina asks, intriguingly, before settling on the rather obvious answer, "They want to get out.") "It strikes me as inserting a commercial aspect into something when I don't feel there is any place for it," says former prosecutor James Auricchio, which is a sweet thing to say, but get real, James, do you even know what "monetizing" is? Talk about "captive eyeballs," I am right? And listen to this:

Happiness peaks in old age, according to Lewis Wolpert, emeritus—i.e., old—professor of biology at University College London, whose new book is about getting old. Wolpert's book gets a writeup in The Daily Telegraph, which cites a psychologist at UCL to write:

Five men, including the son of a high-ranking police officer, have been detained in connection with the rape of Eman al-Obeidy, the Libyan woman who publicly accused pro-Qaddafi forces of raping her. The Qaddafi government insists that she's safe. [Sky]

Vietnam vet Louis Garrett of Louisiana, Mo. ("friends know him as Shovelhead because of his love for Harley-Davidson motorcycles with shovelhead engines") has a lot of time on his hands. And in the grand scheme of things, fashioning a quilt out of women's panties is not the worst thing he could be doing with that time. Still, it's pretty strange! Apparently the idea for the panty quilt came from a magazine, which makes us think we've been reading the wrong magazines. Garrett also claims the panty quilt was a natural progression from his mannequin collection, since he had been dressing them up in lingerie. Obviously.

Have you heard about this "Color" phone app? It's the hot new location-based photo-sharing social network thing that everyone's talking about but nobody really understands. Well, I've figured it out: It's the best way to stalk strangers who are richer, better-looking, and having more fun than you in real-time.

Most people have a general sense that the cell phone we carry in our pockets record our movement. We've all heard stories of lost hikers being found through their cell signals, after all. But the full extent to which we're tracked by our cell phones is frightening.

Click to viewThis morning a Libyan woman rushed into the Tripoli hotel where foreign press are staying and told the assembled media she had been raped and beaten by Col. Qaddafi's forces, even as security guards tried to physically prevent her from speaking. After a scuffle where hotel staffers threatened her and the press with knives and call her a traitor, the woman was dragged out of the hotel, stuffed into a car and whisked away. (Foreign press are largely confined to the hotel in Libya.)

Now that the weekend is finally here, why don't you enjoy your time out of the office by getting some exercise? Just kidding. Go see movies! Opening this weekend are a Palestinian drama, a wimpy comedy, and hot chicks with guns.

Sarah Lane, the American Ballet Theater soloist who served as Natalie Portman's dancing double for her Oscar-winning turn in Black Swan, claims that she did 95% of the dancing seen in the movie. Lane says she did all the fancy footwork and Natalie's head was digitally grafted onto her body in post production.

Anyone hoping the harrowing saga of Florida 11-year-old Jessi Slaughter might have a happy ending will be sorely disappointed.

Earlier this month, notoriously pervy American Apparel CEO Dov Charney was sued for a quarter of a billion dollars by a former employee named Irene Morales. Her accusations of sexual harassment fit with Charney's longstanding reputation for bad behavior in the workplace. But judging by emails and text messages we've obtained, there may very well be another side to the story.

Possible presidential candidate Newt Gingrich does have at least one confirmed non-sociopathic trait: He's a big wildlife conservationist! Watch him talk about endangered tigers and such in this clip from a recent trip to the Palm Beach Zoo, and note how sober and agreeable he sounds when he's not just spouting off on Fox News or Twitter or whatever.

A judge has ruled that D.B. Karron, a transgender biomedical technician, owes the government $4 million for the $1.4 million in government grants she received to develop computer medical technology but which she used instead for personal purposes.

Google co-founder Larry Page is set to take over as CEO of Google when Eric Schmidt steps down on April 4th. He's already started instituting some changes to streamline bureaucracy in an attempt to help the massive company return to its startup roots. And according to the Wall Street Journal, Page doesn't want Googlers distracted during meetings:

Celebrity chef Ina Garten, star of Barefoot Contessa, is catching heat for turning down a 6-year-old cancer patient's dying wish to cook a meal with her. TMZ reports that Ina said "no" to the Make-A-Wish foundation twice:

The masters of legislative oversight who currently make up America's House Republican majority has another little beef to settle, this time with that most sinister of Washington special interests: The American Association of Retired Persons, a.k.a. the lobby for old people things. If only these geriatrics hadn't endorsed last year's health care reform law, maybe Republicans could've turned a blind eye to such corrupt practices as bribes that ensure Matlock reruns never disappear from daytime television programming. But they did endorse it, so House Republicans are planning hearings.

"Neuromarketing" is a term coined by the advertising industry because it sounds nice and not at all scary or ominous. Then again, it might be total pseudoscientific crapola! Who's to say? The advertising industry, that's who!

According to Us Weekly, Prince William is having his bachelor party (or as those saucy Brits like to call them, "stag celebration") this weekend. Details are scant, but you know that Prince Harry will be there and causing a drunken scene.

Everything must eventually end and—like sucking the lemon, disposing the condom, or unclogging the toilet—the final transmission of Jersey Shore was the final gesture of the greatest sociological experiment of our time.

The threat of sharia, or Islamic law, to America's cities, towns, and way of life in general is going to be a major debate topic among Republican presidential candidates this cycle. More than a dozen states have been working to pass anti-Sharia laws, and we should expect to see more state ballot measures in 2012. It's a big thing in Republican politics these days. So wait until GOP primary voters hear about Tim Pawlenty's old plan to boost sharia-compliant mortgages, so Muslims could own houses! Oh, yikes.