How do you pick which Republican presidential candidate to support? They all say they hate Sharia law—but they'd probably all immediately hire al Qaeda members upon being elected to office. All of them—except for Herman Cain.

Every once in a while, President Obama has to explain to the nation why he's doing stuff. He doesn't want to do it, because you guys annoy him, and you don't want to listen to it, because Dancing With the Stars is on. But this is how democracy works! And we are currently dropping bombs on Libya, a country (?) in Africa (?), and it is important that you know why we are doing such a thing, because otherwise George Will or someone will whine forever and ever, and also, your tax dollars something something.

Pretend presidential candidate Donald Trump released his "birth certificate" to wingnut rag Newsmax today to prove that he's an American citizen, unlike Barack Obama. That was nice of him. But where's the real birth certificate? Because this... this thing, this piece of paper with bullshit scribbled all over it, is simply not a birth certificate. Just look at it. This is definitely not a legitimate birth certificate. If it were real, it would be real. Where's the birth certificate, Trump?

Roger Friedman is reporting that the Kabbalah Centre and Raising Malawi—a charity Madonna co-founded with Kabbalah guru Michael Berg—are under investigation by the IRS. According to Friedman, at least two people have been called before a grand jury to answer questions about both organizations.

WorldStarHipHop.com is an extremely popular online one-stop shop for rap videos, sex videos, and ripped off random ass videos of disturbing occurrences in fast food outlets. It may not be as "classy" as other video sites like, uh, YouPorn, but it's making a pile of money for its founder, Queens high school dropout Lee O'Denat, a.k.a. Q.

These Sunday talk show hosts are so mean, the way they exploit Sen. Joe Lieberman's incurable love of endless war everywhere for a mini-scoop or two every week. Here's Fox News' Chris Wallace asking the despised Connecticut lame-duck yesterday, "What should we do about Syria?" Not a very subtle leading question, Chris Wallace. We all know that Joe Lieberman would sell his skin, teeth and bones for a few (million) bombing sorties over Damascus that he can watch on television, with his pants down.

Last week, we noted the growing backlash against the mighty Groupon by businesses (and employees) who are starting to think that Groupon's offerings aren't so great. More plainly: some believe Groupon and its clones should all be destroyed.

Three days after the internet shamed Ina Garten for rejecting a pediatric cancer patient's Make-A-Wish request to cook a meal with her, the Barefoot Contessa has agreed to fit a 6-year-old leukemia patient into her busy schedule. After twice rejecting Enzo Pereda's request, Ina is now pleading ignorance:

One of the all-time Top Five, or really Top One, Barack Obama conspiracy theories is back in the news! Did you know that Barack Obama's terrorist friend, former Weather Underground member Bill Ayers, secretly ghostwrote the president's memoir, Dreams From My Father? This story has been around for several years and still comically emerges from time to time, like right now. The wingnuts have caught Ayers "admitting" that he wrote Barack Obama's book, again, when he was clearly making fun of them for ever believing something so stupid.

Darren Aronofsky, the director of Black Swan, released a statement about just how much dancing Natalie Portman did in the movie after her dance double publicly claimed she did 95% of the on-screen work. Apparently, she was wrong.

Good news for the oxymoronic field of creationist paleontology: A newly discovered cave painting in southeastern Utah sort of resembles a long-necked dinosaur, which means humans and dinosaurs coexisted in Utah 6000 years ago, back when the planet was new, say officials from the Creationist Museum of Petersburg, Kentucky.

President Obama will finally deliver an address tonight on the current bomb-everything campaign being waged in Libya. It may just be vague rhetoric about the moral need to prevent a massacre without addressing the more granular elements of day-to-day strategy and on which one of those specific days it will end. But if you start bombing a country, you should give a single address of any sort to the folks who pay for those bombs.

On last night's news reel of the latest Southern California disaster area, we saw friendships mended, relationships teased and tested, and the offering up of flesh for the consumption of rabid, water-soaked masses. So, Orange County business as usual.

One of the tragedies of being marginally famous is that people can write true things about you that you don't like on the internet. Well now, thanks to a knight, these lost souls finally have recourse: iCorrect, the internet's premiere source for niggling, picayune corrections from people you don't particularly care about.

The Internet has been enraged in the past few days over the sad tale of William Cronon, a well known history professor at the University of Wisconsin who suddenly finds Republican operatives trying to dig through his private email.

Last night HBO's star-studded pedigree mini-series Mildred Pierce lit up TV screens across America, not because that many people wanted to see a warmed-over Depression-era rags-to-riches story, but because the culture created some need in us to watch it. Enough already.

This week's box office battle wasn't supposed to be much of a battle at all. Zack Snyder's CGI crapfest was to sweep the land with its babydoll gunstresses and no one would stop it. But Holllywood is a place built of surprises...

Katy Perry's mom writes a memoir about her daughter's dirty pillows. Chris Brown's neighbors hate him. Matt Damon on the transitive property of kissing. Prince William cuts water sports from his bachelor party. Monday gossip is damned.

This Hollywood actress recently broke up with her famous man so that she could get it on with his mother. Another actress has a third nipple and this reality star is headed to sex rehab. Apparently he and that actress both have a MILF problem.

Pottawattamie County, Iowa wanted to hold an anti-terrorism drill. They spent four months planning it around a scenario wherein anti-immigration white supremacists shoot up a school. And then they had to cancel it, because real white supremacists started making threats.