Former President George W. Bush declined President Obama's invitation to hang out with him at Ground Zero on Thursday, saying through a spokesman that he "appreciated the invite, but has chosen in his post-presidency to remain largely out of the spotlight." Obama is visiting the World Trade Center site to meet with families of 9/11 victims and buy one of those "Go SEALs!" t-shirts; he extended the invitation to Bush after the guy from Five for Fighting Tweeted about it—and we all know how much Obama loved "Superman." [NYT; image via AP]

Reporters have discovered all kinds of marijuana plants growing around the compound in which Osama Bin Laden had been living since 2006. Did his death end the War on Terror and the War on Drugs? Probably! Both CNN and The Daily Telegraph note the "small plots of marijuana growing in the deserted lots on the compound's perimeter." The Telegraph describes it as "wild cannabis" (and notes that it gives the area "a pleasant fragrance in the hot early summer air"), and it's not uncommon for weed to just be growing as, literally, a weed in parts of Pakistan. But if the White House is allowed to just make up whatever it wants about the mission that killed Bin Laden, we feel confident saying: Osama was growing bud. Why else was he buying so much soda?

An Oklahoma man was apparently attacked by four people, who shocked him "twice in the genitals" with a stun gun and tattooed the word "RAPEST" on his forehead. Sounds like someone read The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo!

Wondering how you will kiss your significant other in the future? Well, you, specifically, will be alone for the rest of your life, but the rest of us will be frenching non-stop over the internet via this little gadget.

Here's a good way to make those of you who aren't very old feel extremely old: The kids these days — many of the same ones who love torture and will never be happy — took the occasion of Osama bin Laden's death to figure out who the hell he was in the first place. Was he important? Why is his death such a "thing"?

Did you know that Star Jones has a new book out? Yes! It's called Satan's Sisters and it's about five women who co-host a daytime talk show. Oh, no, no, no, it's not about The View. No, really!

When you're dealing with the assassination of the world's most-wanted criminal, you might want to actually know what you're talking about. In the space of 36 hours, the official story on what happened to Osama bin Laden has gone from "he went down guns blazing and taking hostages" to "basically we shot him."

Ugh, another year, another movie from the mind of Stephenie Meyer. Also today: Lots of TV pickup news, including Nathan Lane's return to the small screen. Plus, Anna Faris!

It's unclear why Sarah Palin still keeps people around to write policy positions for her. Weren't we supposed to be over this running-for-president business due to its guaranteed failure? Maybe she's just burning through her PAC money for the hell of it. But it's not going to her longtime war-loving neocon confidantes anymore. She's just too disapproving of the latest war, Libya, for their tastes.

There are now browser extensions that will filter out curse words from your online friends. Meet "Bleep Tweets" and its cousin the "Foul Facebook Filter," both great if your social networking has gotten far too exciting.

According to Wikileaks documents, about 100 U.S. troops deployed to Abbottabad, Pakistan, in 2008, just yards from Osama bin Laden's lair. They were there to train the Pakistani military how to capture or kill Al Qaeda terrorists. It didn't take.

Minnesota Representative Steve Simon was testifying yesterday in opposition to a proposed amendment to the state constitution that would outlaw gay marriage. What he had to say was the most simple and genius argument against discriminating against gay people on religious grounds I've ever heard. "How many more gay people does God have to create before we ask ourselves if he wants them around?" he asked. There's so little to say to counter that—even for fundamentalist wingnuts. Nice work, Steve Simon! Watch the rest of his rousing yet rational speech and the round of applause his new slogan gets from the gallery.

The first televised images many Americans saw when hearing the news about Osama bin Laden's death was a horde of preppies from George Washington University climbing trees and screaming arena chants most frequently heard at professional hockey games and roaring elatedly about death and blood. Sure, it was substantial news! But when you see that "Jack Bauer" is a Twitter trending topic at the same time... maybe the generation raised over the last decade has a little more thirst for the ol' ultra-violence?

Arriving at orientation for her court-mandated community service at the Los Angeles Downtown Women's Center yesterday, Lindsay Lohan wore short shorts, a see-through shirt, and no bra. [Image via Splash]

AIM Healthcare, the private clinic that ran STD tests for California's porn industry, has shut down just a month after news broke that its testing database had been breached and leaked by a Wikileaks knockoff. This has thrown a kink in the porn industry, as AIM was responsible for the majority of STD testing. "AIM has not issued a press release nor made any comment or hint on their website that they have closed," writes porn insider Violet Blue (NSFW). "Disturbingly, their site AimCheck.net has been taken offline. This means anyone who had good tests can no longer access the test results or have them accessed – the online proof and verification of having clean tests is gone."

The first quickie poll of President Obama's approval rating since the killing of Osama bin Laden is in, and the predicted boost is definitely materializing.

Police in Charleston, West Virginia, found Mark Thompson wandering around the woods in a bra and panties and covered in the blood of his neighbor's pygmy goat, which he had killed in his bedroom. He had been high on "bath salts" for three days.

Last night's episode of Uptown Abbey featured a party, like always, some intrigue, like always, and lotsss of really bad fake Monacan accents. Or French accents? It was unclear. But yes, let's talk about it!

Osama bin Laden and his Abbottabad goon squad were so creepy in their dealings with the local children. CNN's Nic Robertson reports that "neighbours say local children who kicked ball over compound wall, weren't allowed in to look for it," and "someone gave them money instead." The kids don't have to look personally; you just throw it back! Didn't Al Qaeda members have childhoods? Spoiled, fat childhoods, maybe, spent indoors playing video games.

Beyonce's dress isn't ready for her jelly. January Jones shows off her baby bump. Confederate flag enthusiast Kid Rock gets an award from the NAACP. Charlie Sheen hangs out amid "rotting food." Here's your Tuesday gossip.